New and Feeling it

MelissaSuze · February 2013

Question.

How do people on these forums learn what NOT to post about? Are there written rules on this stuff?! I just saw some of the responses to the girl who asked about implantation bleeding, and damn. SO, I guess it's a good idea to stay away from that topic.

I mean, if that was my question (it's not), and I wanted to see if anyone else had experienced something similar, I might come to a place like this to ask it. No need to go to the doc and talk to them about it unless you really start to feel like you might be pregnant and you have already missed a period. So why not come lurk at a message board and try to find answers, then maybe muster up the curiosity to post a question only to have other people laugh at what you decided to say...? I guess I don't get it.

Btw, I am Melissa, 29 y/o, from FL. Obviously trying to get pg. 0 children. 1 Husband, 2 pit bulls and a cat.

Thanks.

bdipaolo86 · February 2013

Read the newbie page. It'll tell you what you shouldn't ask. I find the responses to those kind of questions pretty funny!

jschwind22 · February 2013

Lurk more and read the blog. That is all.

MelissaSuze · February 2013

Thanks Cole.

Mrbatesisinnocent · February 2013

I love that you indicated you have 1 husband: my normal assumption is a sister wives scenario.

Just made me chuckle. Welcome and read the newbie link. GL!

Spookster · February 2013

Welcome and GL!

MelissaSuze · February 2013

I get that. I just think that people come to these kinds of forums for different reasons.

I guess, what I didn't understand before tonight, is that a lot of you all have a serious connection with one another, and have sort of formed your own pack. You may opt to accept or reject people based on what they post. Other people, come to these kinds of forums because they just want to say something with a degree of anonymity or put something out in the open and get feedback. They don't necessarily realize they are proverbially shooting themselves in the foot (Although, I now do since I just read over all the rules).

I doubt the poster was really looking for anyone's medical opinion, maybe just needed a little coaching or comforting, perhaps some constructive criticism, or maybe they long to share a personal experience with someone who has gone through the same thing. Who knows... I'm sure they didn't mean to annoy anyone with naivet?. According to pop culture, the internet is exactly the right place for sharing too much information with a group of strangers.

I'll definitely lurk for a bit and determine if this is the a harmonious match up for what I am looking for, and hopefully I will talk to you all soon!

Thanks.

krdesi · February 2013

I recommend joining the ttgp chat at some point...that is a good way to get to know some of the ladies better and while you won't get along with everyone, you will definitely be able to make some connections that you don't necessarily make just posting on the message boards.

STBMrsMiller · February 2013

Different TTC boards on the Internet have different vibes, and you should lurk on a few to find the one that's right for you. The ladies here keep it real and provide factual information. If you decide to stay, welcome!

lrosy13 · February 2013

Welcome and Good Luck.

Shayliz · February 2013

Are you grumpy over posts here or is the root issue that you think you were flamed and run off TheNest?

While the delivery may seem harsh, this board contains a ton of actual knowledge and information. This isn't America's Got Talent where people are voted through to post, just lurk/read the blog, post regularly and you'll get to know the wonderful ladies here too.

modernfairytale8709 · February 2013

If you lurk for more than 5 minutes, you'll discover that the two things you should never post are: "this is IB, right???" and "omgeeeee I'm 2 days "late" and this never happens--i know my period down to the second. Am I pregnant???"

We see those posts 10 times a week, and it gets old. Asking a bunch of strangers on the internet in you're KU is not a good idea.

peanutmuse · February 2013

krdesi:
I recommend joining the ttgp chat at some point...that is a good way to get to know some of the ladies better and while you won't get along with everyone, you will definitely be able to make some connections that you don't necessarily make just posting on the message boards.

Meh. I've been in chat a total of 3 times ever. Nothing against the girls who go there, I like a lot of them of course. It's just not my thing.

peanutmuse · February 2013

izenb1dm:
OP, I get the same feeling most of the time. This is a very intimidating place. Like a highly exclusive club. I understand those who have been here longer can get frustrated if newbies don't follow all the norms, but if someone makes a post you think doesn't belong, just don't respond!
I must now brace myself for a backlash of replies.

We try to keep this place intelligent and a good source of info. That's why we respond. Coddling doesn't do anyone any good.

artistlife · February 2013

izenb1dm:
OP, I get the same feeling most of the time. This is a very intimidating place. Like a highly exclusive club. I understand those who have been here longer can get frustrated if newbies don't follow all the norms, but if someone makes a post you think doesn't belong, just don't respond!nbsp;I must now brace myself for a backlash of replies.nbsp;

The internet is not full of aliens. You make friends on the internet the same way you in real life. You have to get to know them. As with IRL friends, once you get to know someone you may like them or dislike them and first impressions mean a lot.
If I met someone IRL that talked in text speak, was constanly woe is me, or seemed to refuse to educate themselves, I ,most likely, wouldn't hang out with them.
Most people tend to gravitate toward people that are like them and have similar interests and goals. Thebump works the same way.

bornmommy · February 2013

peanut+muse:
izenb1dm:
OP, I get the same feeling most of the time. This is a very intimidating place. Like a highly exclusive club. I understand those who have been here longer can get frustrated if newbies don't follow all the norms, but if someone makes a post you think doesn't belong, just don't respond!
I must now brace myself for a backlash of replies.
We try to keep this place intelligent and a good source of info. That's why we respond. Coddling doesn't do anyone any good.

Yes PS Have I ever told you that the picture in your siggy is beautiful! Every time you post, I stare at it a little. It makes me happy because I see the love in it Smile Just so you know. Embarrassed

gscoville · February 2013

gardennymph:
izenb1dm:
OP, I get the same feeling most of the time. This is a very intimidating place. Like a highly exclusive club. I understand those who have been here longer can get frustrated if newbies don't follow all the norms, but if someone makes a post you think doesn't belong, just don't respond!nbsp;I must now brace myself for a backlash of replies.nbsp;
The internet is not full of aliens. You make friends on the internet the same way you in real life. You have to get to know them. As with IRL friends, once you get to know someone you may like them or dislike them and first impressions mean a lot. If I met someone IRL that talked in text speak, was constanly woe is me, or seemed to refuse to educate themselves, I ,most likely, wouldn't hang out with them. Most people tend to gravitate toward people that are like them and have similar interests and goals. Thebump works the same way.

This exactly. You wouldn't walk into a strange living room where a group of women are gathered and berate them for already knowing each other and for being exclusive, or walk in demanding that they tell you immediately without knowing you from a hole in the wall if you're pregnant or have IB. It works the same here. This is a community, and just as with any other RL community it's a common courtesy for newcomers to lurk a little, learn the rules, and get to know people before demanding help. If people don't have the time or the desire to do this, then this really isn't the place for them. Simple.

MelissaSuze · February 2013

Haha, yeah. I did get sort of flamed at the nest for my noobism. Although, I wouldn't really call it a total flaming, it was more of a freshman hazing. The ladies were actual pretty helpful in answering my question.

In the interest of full disclosure, I sought out message board help at the Nest because I haven't had AF in 40 days, negative HPT, weird "phantom" symptoms. I woke up bawling to my husband after reading about possible outcomes on Google, thinking I was experience ectopic pregnancy, polycystic ovarian disease, endometriosis or worse, ovarian or cervical cancer. I have been doing a lot of research on pregnancy vs ectopic pregnancy symptoms, but unfortunately, all of the information on WebMD, Livestrong, etc. varies widely, and ends with the blanket statement "...because every pregnancy is different", which is laymans terms for "call your doctor".

I am at a moderately high risk for cervical cancer and infertility, so this gives me a considerable amount of anxiety. I also have an aversion to going to the doctor, worse for getting blood drawn, and I have been told once by a doctor that was conducting a surgery on me ten years ago that my blood type is RH negative, but I have not yet had this confirmed by my regular physician (whom I rarely visit).

Although I've lost about 15 lbs since January, I am still a little overweight, additionally, I have had irregular paps my entire adult life (in fact, my first ever normal pap came about 6 months ago). I am not having a pity party, but I am admittedly a high anxiety individual and I feel like I have a whole slew of things stacked against me having a normal, healthy pregnancy, so this background information is important to framing where I am coming from in my current (and future) posts. Obviously, even the smallest chance that I could be pregnant makes me cling on to hope with a death grip, and any chance that I could be suffering from cancer makes me want curl up into a ball and die, so for the past week I have been pretty much swinging back and forth between these two poles, making a mess of my anxiety riddled brain and feeling pretty desperate for answers. (note: heightened anxiety is my normal state).

Anyway, I obviously didn't go to The Nest, to get a diagnosis. I was wondering when I should call the doctor because I was prepared to dial her up today and schedule an appointment for blood work and diagnostic testing ASAP. All my online resources were doom and gloom, so I wanted to see what had worked for other people in the same situation. The ladies there essentially told me to relax and wait 60 days, and then call my doc if I have nothing to show for it. That's also what your guys' blog said (and the link was very helpful, thanks again Cole.)

I also wonder where I fall in the age category vs other people in these groups. I am almost 30. If I were to conceive today, I would have my first child after I was 30 years old. It was never in my life plan to wait this late and also makes me nervous about various risks associated with having children in your 30s. I have only been trying actively to conceive for about 3 months, but my hubs and I haven't been taking any strong measures against it for about 4 years now, and there has been nothing, not even a significant blip in AF. I haven't started charting my ovulation yet, (I have an OPK and that was all set up for next cycle, which has yet to occur.) so I really don't know how late I am at all. Just that it's been a long time since I had a visit from AF.

When I was a teenager, I was accidentally pregnant but did not carry to full term. Until I really started digging, everything seemed really simple. You have sex, your period is late, and bam! your pregnant. It seemed simple when I was a teenager, and it seems simple enough on WebMD and Livestrong, and in sophomore health class and on after school specials starring a young Kirsten Dunce. All of my late 20 something, healthy friends were able to squeeze out a couple of kids without OPKs, CM/temp checks, etc. Most of them conceived within a month or two of "trying", and some of them were never "trying" at all.

Now, I come to places like this and learn I may not have my period "on schedule" and still may not be late? And it has to do with when (or if?!) I ovulated, or maybe I am ovulating right now? Or maybe my cycle has adjusted and is 40 days instead of 28, and there are so many variables to consider. Mostly, I am hoping to run into someone else who is going through the same thing I am.

So, if you decided to read this far down in this thread.. That is why I am here, and why I have questions about posting etiquette, and why I don't know if I am going to fit in with anyone here. I guess this is my real introduction.

huskymomma94 · February 2013

Based on this post and your BOTB post, I'm thinking you need a blog.

Lurk around. You'll get the feel of the boards after awhile, and then you'll know if its a "harmonious fit" or whatever.

peanutmuse · February 2013

bornmommy:
PS Have I ever told you that the picture in your siggy is beautiful! Every time you post, I stare at it a little. It makes me happy because I see the love in it Just so you know.

Awwww, thanks.

*Mrs*Rohrbaugh* · February 2013

Welcome and good luck

Emily 2714 · February 2013

huskymomma94:
Based on this post and your BOTB post, I'm thinking you need a blog.

Lurk around. You'll get the feel of the boards after awhile, and then you'll know if its a "harmonious fit" or whatever.

abremer · February 2013

You will get used to it and then eventually you will start to laugh at it. The Newbie link at the top of the message forums will tell you exactly what to post and what not to. Mostly lurking will get you in the right place. However, I have been in a few spats but you live and learn. It just takes time and actually you will realize the fun snarky stuff keeps your mind off of yourself during your 2WW.

Good luck and keep trying!

rockopera · February 2013

gardennymph:
izenb1dm:
OP, I get the same feeling most of the time. This is a very intimidating place. Like a highly exclusive club. I understand those who have been here longer can get frustrated if newbies don't follow all the norms, but if someone makes a post you think doesn't belong, just don't respond!nbsp;I must now brace myself for a backlash of replies.nbsp;

The internet is not full of aliens. You make friends on the internet the same way you in real life. You have to get to know them. As with IRL friends, once you get to know someone you may like them or dislike them and first impressions mean a lot.
If I met someone IRL that talked in text speak, was constanly woe is me, or seemed to refuse to educate themselves, I ,most likely, wouldn't hang out with them.
Most people tend to gravitate toward people that are like them and have similar interests and goals. Thebump works the same way.

This. It isn't rocket science. Or so complicated it needs a lot of deep thought or novelization to figure out. If it does, you're probably doing it wrong.

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