Boys in ladies' bathroom

ppants · February 2013

What age should it stop? Of course, I have no problem sending DS into the mens' bathroom when it's a single seater or DH is around. I'm a little nervous about sending him in by himself in the age of camera phones and the like. Any tips or advice I should give DS?

jlw2505 · February 2013

My older DD is 6 1/2 and my younger will be 5 next month and my DH hates taking them into the men's room at this point and really for the last year with my older DD. I will almost always take them but if we are at a restaurant, DH will sometimes walk them to the bathroom and wait right outside the door of the ladies room. The only time he takes them in is at places like sporting events if I am not there - no way will he let them go alone. At our swim school, they stop letting kids go in with the opposite sex parent at 5 (changing rooms and bathrooms are in the same area) and they have a large family room with more privacy for the families that need to the opposite sex changing/bathroom stuff.

Mama-Bear · February 2013

DS1 is almost 5.5 and just recently I've let him go into a mens room by himself. We went to a restaurant (just my mom, boys, and I) and I had him go in the bathroom to wash his hands while stood right outside the door (nervous as heck). Last night at our church he went in the mens bathroom while I went in the womens and I told him to wait right outside the mens room for me (but this was church, I would never leave him unattended like that anywhere else). As he gets older I let him go alone more and more, but like PP mentioned about camera phones, heck a 12 year old got kidnapped on his bike about 10 years ago and was found 4 years later, his kidnapper was just about ready to "replace" him and kill him before he was rescued, so I really don't even feel totally safe as my kids get older.

neverblushed · February 2013

We helped my son to transition going solo in public men's rooms when he was around 6. My son is tall and mature looking, so there was a time period when he wasn't quite ready, but he looked a little old to be in the women's room.

Most K classrooms have a bathroom right in the classroom, and this reflects the fact that kids who are 5 or 6 may not be quite ready to handle the etiquette of a public restroom on their own. They're learning at this age, and it's a good time to get DH to help him work up to going solo in public restrooms. H and I started sending DS into bathrooms that were one-shots. Then we upped it to public men's rooms at places where he'd been many times, like the men's room at our pool or a campground where we often camp.

When he started first grade, he had to use the boys' restroom at school, and suddenly, going to a public men's room seemed like less of a big deal to him and to us. He also switched from dropping trou to using the fly at around this point. "Mom," he said, "that's the way all the guys at school do it."

Littlejen22 · February 2013

Along these lines when did your sons learn to use a urinal? I assume school has them but I think my DS would rather risk a UTI then per in front of people. And he is not on the spectrum but does have some social anxiety/awkwardness.

Littlejen22 · February 2013

auntie:
DS used a urinal from the time he was about 4.
He had a kindie/1st classmate who refused to pee in front of other boys. He had a lot of quirks in addition to this like living on a diet of whole milk, Cheerios and plain pasta exclusively. He endured a lot of teasing and bullying in school. DS was one of the few kids who was friendly with him, but when we sent DS to a reading lab school they refused to allow their DS to remain in touch. I heard through people I know who taught at the private school he attended that he eventually got an OCD and dyslexia dx.
An issue like this could have social implacations; I would want to address it professionally if it's limiting your son's life and interfering at all. A short term CBT approach could probably get him past this fairly quickly.

Thanks for the info. At this point I am really saying this as an assumption but I have never talked to him about it or asked DH but I think DH has ony had him use a stall. In his Kindie class they have a private bathroom. I guess we need to work on this. As for other things he is fairly "normal" and at least no eating or other sensory issues. I have to say that sometimes it is hard to know if he is just shy, socially ackward or oblivious. I can say at this point anything that I worry about making him stick out socially his Kindergarten teacher really things he is fine and just does not care what others think versus any potential issues. This is my one constant worry.

ETA: I just asked DS and he has already used the urinal when he was in Gym class, he did not see stalls, lol. And other kids were in there. And apparently DH has had him do it before too. That's what I get for assuming.

rsd12 · February 2013

Fortunately my oldest son has a bladder of steel. But when I go to the bathroom when we are out he has to come with me into the bathroom, not the stall, actually all three of my boys come with me 6,5, and 3. I have sent him to a mens room by himself starting at the age of 6, but stand right outside. My younger boys still use the ladies room.

KL777 · February 2013

Honestly, I wish I could take DS in with me until he was 10. People are perverts out there.

Lulobug22 · February 2013

Ugh! I don't want to let my son go into men's room ever! My oldest is 4.5 and really tall so I'm thinking by age 6 he'll
go into men's room. I like that a lot of places have single restrooms and family restrooms.

shopgirl78 · February 2013

I let my 5.5 yr old go now if its not busy & I can see the bathroom door. If its busy, he goes with me. If DH is with us, he takes him.

~Kat~ · February 2013

DS started going in by himself around the time he started K. It doesn't seem to come up for us very often though. DH takes him when we are out on the weekend or if it is just us I can find a single-toilet bathroom. He loves the novelty of using a urinal, but I have him use the stall if I have to send him into a big bathroom by himself. I also stand right outside the door until he comes out.

PrideandJoy29 · February 2013

I'd say 5.

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