Wanting to Conceive but Unsure of How

ladybug120910 · February 2013

My partner and I have decided to try and conceive, but there are just so many options on the table. Were unsure of what to do as it seems a lot of it is quite expensive and that little to no information of payment plans. I suppose my question is, what have other lesbian couples done in regards to starting a family? What worked and didn't work?

bundleoluv11 · February 2013

well me and my partner are both getting pregnant. I just had back to back IUI's with frozen sperm. So, now i'm wait to test for pregnancy and it does cost a lot to do iui, ici, and ivf. Just go to your doctor and get the tests you need done and then if have any problems then you and partner can chose whats the best option for you or her.

Manada · February 2013

I recommend The Essential Lesbian Guide to Conception, pregnancy and birth. It will help to cover all the basics for you about considerations RE: donors, conceiving, and other things...

Depending on where you are your local LGBTQ community centre may offer something as well we have a course offered by ours.

ladybug120910 · February 2013

I looked up this book on amazon and got two different ones with the same title. One by Stephanie Brill and the other by Kim Toevs.

Manada · February 2013

I am 99 sure they are the same book, one is just the updated edition. There is also a guide by Rachel Pepper that's decent as well.... They are also pretty available around here in the libraries.

trisholio · February 2013

I agree with the previous posts. That book is a great place to start. There are many less expensive options besides IUI or IVF. My DW and I are using a KD and doing an at home insemination. We are only on month 3 and hoping to get pregnant soon. If this doesn't work then we will possibly go the route for IUI, but we are not at that point yet. Best of luck to you!!

bundleoluv11 · February 2013

The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians by Rachel Pepper is my bible I use it all the time to get my references.

clairmeij · February 2013

Congrats on deciding to start your ttc journey!

There are tons of options out there, but we decided to go with iui with an RE. We bought frozen sperm from california cryobank and after a lot of research, I discontinued my company insurance and signed up for kaiser, which my company doesn't pay for. It worked out really well for us since we ended up paying around 150 out of pocket per IUI with our wonderful local kaiser RE team instead of 3,000 with one of the local fertility clinics. Our sperm cost 715 per vial and shipping was around 185 for up to four vials. We ended up using 5 vials and shipping 3 separate times.
I think that we ended up paying around 7,000 in total including drugs, sperm, iuis, ultrasounds and monitoring as well as acupuncture.
We saved up a little bit initially and I was lucky enough to get a bonus half way through that helped a lot.
My partner has been firm in her desire for us to be debt free when the baby is born, outside of mortgages, so we've worked quite hard to go through the process and pay things down simultaneously.
So to answer your question, for us a little bit of saving, a little bit of luck and a little bit of cutting back worked. We didn't have the option of payment plans with any of our providers and nothing was covered under our insurance.

Ohh, and, it had been incredible how putting our minds together, doing quarterly budget check ins and just cutting back a little bit helped us get there financially.

Best of luck, I hope you find a solution that works for you!

JoySeattle · February 2013

Read this boards FAQs.
Read one or both of the books mentioned (they are two different books).
Start saving. If you don't need it for conception, you'll need it for raising the kid(s).
Read back through the threads specifically the TTC check-ins.

only1leia · February 2013

If you are concerned about money, known donor is probably the cheaper way of doing it initially, but you will still need money to legally adopt the child if you aren't the one carrying. Make sure to do your research. Good luck!

Cabeatty · February 2013

I have the newer edition of the Essential Guide. It had a lot of good tips in it but really the most useful info I got was from the internet. I can send you my copy if you want it, though. The best tips once you start trying is to cut out caffeine, it can be a blocker for pregnancy... lots of sleep is also essential. Just a healthy body in general. Start taking prenatals now. I was lucky enough to find a known donor, someone distant who won't interfere. We used the ferility strips and pinpointed when I was fertile and he came over, did his business in a cup, twice a month, and we injected it with needleless syringes.. butt up on a pillow for a couple hours after haha.

ta115 · February 2013

My GF and I have also recently decided to try and conceive. We are using a known donor and doing it ourselves at home. We decided to do it this way because since I will be the one to carry, my GF still wanted to be the one to "get me pregnant" so this was an easy decision for us. The main problem we are dealing with is narrowing down my ovulation date. Before we started TTC, my cycles were totally normal and I knew the exact date that I was ovulating. Now that we are activly trying, my cycles are a mess. I'm thinking it has a lot to do with stress and just being anxious about the whole thing. Good luck with your decision!

mollykelley · February 2013

Hi ladybug, Welcome to the board!

I just wanted to say I hope you will find the friendly advice that I got here. There are a lot of people who used to post on here but nowadays you see mostly relative newbies like me. :-) Just want you to know there are a lot of successes on this board and you can read older stories by reading the FAQs. You'll see from the siggies that most of them now have little ones! I do this sometimes when I'm feeling down about how things are going...

My wife and I started trying a year ago and have had quite a few ups and downs on the path. I've spent more money than I ever thought I would (on donor sperm alone) but I'm lucky to have insurance for most of my procedures. So far we have spent over $7k on procedures and sperm, and my insurance has paid in $8k. It is true that going with a KD is the cheaper option, but there are other considerations to look into with that choice as well. Do your research an see what works best for you and your partner.

We have finally found an option we are both extremely happy with. I will carry my wife's baby through IVF. We have just started this and it may be a long journey, but we are now very committed to seeing our family grow.

Best of luck to you and feel free to ask any specific questions of the group!

charmfire20 · March 2013

Embarrassed to ask, but what does DW and KD stand for? My wife and I are just starting to research our options and so far we are looking at IUI but would be thrilled to be able to do it at home.

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