I think I'm PMSing. Just a B**ch session.

IBackBevo · February 2013

Lately, I feel like I work just to pay for someone else to spend quality time with my little one...and I end up having to spend alot of my time on days off doing housework, running errands, etc. instead of feeling like I really get to spend quality time with LO.

We have a lady who comes every other week for the past 4 years to clean the house, but she seems like she has progressively started doing less and less and more and more of a half a** job. I am really noticing it more and more since we fired the smoking nanny because I think the smoking nanny was picking up alot of the slack on the house cleaning. Our new nanny does not really do any housework. I do want her main focus to be the baby and not housework, but I still sort of feel like she could do a little something because, after all, the baby does nap at times.

Unfortunately, she doesn't really do anything and even when I ask her to do something she either doesn't do it or does a really crappy job at it and I end up having to come behind her and do it again. By way of example, one of her "jobs" is to clean the bottles. At first, she would not even take them apart to wash them out. She would just dump the milk out, put them in the steamer and there would be milk spots and everything on them. I had already explained in detail (and put directions in writing) on how to take them apart and clean them. I talked to her about it again. It is a little better, but not much. And yesterday I came home and found the trash overflowing. Instead of taking the trash out, she had just stacked poopy diapers on top of the already overflowing trash. And she doesn't even pick up after herself. The house is usually dirtier when I get home then when I leave in the morning.

One of my complaints about my last nanny was that she spent so much time cleaning (and reorganizing every room in our house) that I felt like she wasn't spending enough time with LO. (Of course, that wasn't why we let her go...we let her go because she was smoking on the job.) So I feel like a bit of a hypocrite now complaining about the opposite with the new nanny. Still, I just sort of feel like there is a happy medium between reorganizing our entire house and not even picking up after yourself.

Sigh. I guess part of my feelings are that by the time I pay taxes and pay the people who are supposed to be helping me around the house and with LO so that I can work, they end up making more than I do...so then I start to think, would I just be better off staying at home? I also think about the fact that DH (who is a physician and now has his own practice) basically makes more in about 2 days then I do in an entire month. But I hate to give up my job and my career.

Sorry for another one of my B**ch sessions. If you read this novel, then thank you. I am more just need to let it out. I think maybe I'm PMSing.

Robeano · February 2013

I imagine that would be very frustrating! Any chance you can work part time?

TJ1979 · February 2013

You just can't win, can you? Get out your budget sheets and evaluate it, dollar for dollar. Put down how much you gross, subtract everything you spend on child care. Compare what the difference would be if you didn't work. Think about how you would feel without that money. Try to take your heart out of the picture and evaluate it logically. GL, I hope you can figure something out.

Saraevh · February 2013

That sounds like a tough situation and a lot of the things you mentioned (hiring people to watch LO, hiring people to clean your house, not spending as much time as you would like with LO etc etc) are the reasons why we decided that I would stay home (and I LOVE it).

I had a hard time quitting at first. I totally understand how you would struggle with the thought of giving up your career and everything you worked hard to achieve as I felt the same way. I felt like I was 'wasting' my undergrad and masters but at the end of the day I realized that even if I went back to work when my kids were in middle school I would have at least 25 years left to work, so I figured I would get more use out of those degrees eventually. No one can ever take those pieces of paper away from you.

My husband has a great job as well, so we are fortunate to have the option. It is really something that I am thankful to have the opportunity to do. For us, it makes our lives much less stressful.

I guess you and your hubs will just have to sit down and weigh out the pros and cons. Hugs!

Dragonfly1226 · February 2013

It was very hard for me to leave a job I loved. But in the end it was the right decision for me and our family. I went back for the last six weeks of the school year when my maternity leave was over, andi was miserable. Why don't you take a month or two and use your salary just to pay the nanny and cleaning lady. Put the rest of what you makes savings. Then you will see what it is like to live without your salary. It also gives you a couple of months to decide what is right for you. I am so sorry you're not finding the right fit. (((((hugs)))))

Ruthie04 · February 2013

I agree with everything Saraevh had to say! I'm in a very low paying profession and when we found out we were expecting twins, the decision was made. The cost of child care alone would have put us in the red. I don't know how my single mom coworkers did it.

I won't lie being a SAHM was something I never really saw myself being and I am really struggling with my role. I loved my profession and it is so hard to be paying grad school loans for a degree I am not using. My professional license requires continuing education credits and I am really struggling to meet those, as I have no child care options. It is so hard to lose something that was such a huge part of my identity. But, I am fortunate that DH went to grad school for free and is in a well paying profession. We are so lucky that we have the option of me staying home.

I agree with others look at your budget and see if it is a choice. That is the first step. Hugs.

IBackBevo · February 2013

Thanks for all the responses!

I know I have a bad case of "the grass is greener" syndrome.

I am "technically" part-time, but I am an attorney in commercial litigation so my part-time is foten close to full-time. The work is somewhat cyclical so there are times I have light weeks, but there are also time periods where I am slammed and I end up working 12+ hour days and taking work home with me on my days off. I do, however, work less than when I was full-time.

We could afford for me to stay home. We have a significant amount of money in savings (more than what I made in a year when I was full-time) because we really saved up alot of money before DH left his old job to go out on his own full-time in private practice. We did not know how long it would take for him to get busy. His practice has actually gotten busy relaitvely fast, though, so already he is making enough now for us to live off of now...and I hope what he makes will increase as his practice grows. Of course, that also means he will be around less, too.

The main issue for me is that if I quit my job and took several years out of the work force, I doubt that I would be able to pick up where I left off--or even get another job in my current field at all. I graduated with honors from a top 15 law so I hate to throw that away. Plus, in terms of jobs in the legal field, my job isn't bad. I have had worse. I have a really nice boss. But, on the other hand, I will never get this time back with my LO. Sigh. First world problems.

I know this is an issue alot of women face. Really, in an ideal world, I wish Mary Poppins or Alice from the Brady Bunch would be my nanny and house keeper. A girl can dream, can't she?

Again, thanks for "internet listening." I'm just more venting/thinking out loud than anything.

oooCarrieB · February 2013

I'm a working mom and I wish I could afford a nanny and a housekeeper. Having a child just meant that I had to lower my standards when it comes to having a clean house. Today I came home and my daughter had just dumped a container of couscous all over the floor. You just deal.

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I think I'm PMSing. Just a B**ch session.

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