XP from working moms : Am I being hormonal?

JulyMomma2U2 · February 2013

DS is 7 months old and my parents and older sister watch him during the day while DH and I are at work.

Today, I get a phone call saying DS hurt his arm. At first my M said she didn't know how he did it.. but that she thinks he hurt his arm.. and then says he wasn't using it all morning.. then says if she tried to get him to use it, or even if she touched it, he'd cry. Says she's already called the Ped and they are taking him in. I say what do you mean you don't know what happened.. if his arm is hurt THAT badly, he obviously would have cried when he did it.. then she says she thinks he rolled over on it wrong and that's how he hurt it.. and she remember hims rolling over and crying..

In the moment, all I could think about is "is he okay". SO I pack up, in tears, rush to the peds office (I work over an hour away from home).. by the time I get close to the peds, my Mom calls and says they are leaving there so just to meet me at her house. He had dislocated his elbow and the ped had to pop it back in. From what my parents said, he cried while the ped put it back in, but then he was immediately fine and was using it..

Anyway.. when I went and picked him up.. I was trying to get an answer as to what had happened.. but, no one could tell me.exactly.. now, mind you, there were 3 people home with him.. it just really upsets me. I don't understand how 3 people could be home with him and no one "know" what happened. When I picked him up, I was told he was fussy all morning and they couldn't console him and then they realized he wouldn't use his arm.. but they told me how they KEPT trying to get him to use it and how he'd just cry harder the more they tried..

Here's the thing, so I cut my tangent shorter.. DS doesn't roll on his own. Like, almost never. He has yet to roll from back to belly, and he occasionally will roll belly to back, but that's only because he absolutely HATES belly time (he has awful reflux). So, it's not like you'd flip him on his belly, walk away and he'd roll back on his own and it could have happened then.. because, if you flip him on his belly, he freaks out within 30 seconds..

If I had to guess.. (and, part of this comes from a follow up convo with my M), I'd think either they were playing with him rolling him back and forth and accidentally got his arm caught, but b/c they were rolling him, that's enough pressure to hurt his arm.. or, maybe it accidentally happened when my M was dressing him this morning, because, he often fights you when it's time to get dressed..

What upsets me is the fact that no one can tell me what happened. I understand that accidents happen.. and YES I would still have been upset if she had said I accidentally got his arm caught, and I think he's hurt it.. but I would have been upset because he's hurt, not because of the accidnet.. the fact that no one can own up and take responsibility for what happened is what's upsetting me. Just tell me what happened,

I've tried gently saying.. how does a 7 month old who doesn't roll on his own dislocate his elbow when no one is watching? But, it was blown off.

Also -- another kicker -- (and the reason for the title of my post), they joked about how they had to "pull straws" on who was going to call me because they "knew I'd be all hormonal" about this. Sure, I cried on my drive there because I didn't know how badly he was hurt! But, do I think I'm being irrational? Idk. Again, how does a 7 month old who doesn't roll on his own dislocate his elbow and no one knows how it happened.. I just don't know

karma79 · February 2013

Ok, I don't know how it happened but I am PISSED for you! You are most certainly not being hormonal - that is your child and his well being is your number one concern.

JulyMomma2U2 · February 2013

theresat858:
I let my 7 month old play by herself all the time, and still do at 9 months. Sometimes she gets hurt and I'm not sure what she did (like this morning - she started screaming and I was in the other room, and I still don't know if she caught her hand in the drawer or hit her head on the table...kid is always hitting her head). I think you're being a bit hormonal, or it's a reflection of the fact that you don't really trust your caregivers, since you've complained about them on here before.

Yes, we have had issues ~2 months ago with regards to them feeding DS solids and skipping bottles before we had introduced solids.

JulyMomma2U2 · February 2013

Duplicate post.

Missa_g · February 2013

theresat858:
I let my 7 month old play by herself all the time, and still do at 9 months. Sometimes she gets hurt and I'm not sure what she did like this morning she started screaming and I was in the other room, and I still don't know if she caught her hand in the drawer or hit her head on the table...kid is always hitting her head.nbsp; I think you're being a bit hormonal, or it's a reflection of the fact that you don't really trust your caregivers, since you've complained about them on here before.

A bruise on a mobile baby is very different from a dislocated elbow on a nonmobile baby IMO. OP, I don't think you're necessarily overreacting as that sounds like a pretty serious injury. However, I do think it could have happened with dressing him if he's anything like my boys. That excuses the accident but not the reaction of the caregivers. In their defense, they did take him in quickly once they realized there was a serious problem.

JulyMomma2U2 · February 2013

Missa_g:
theresat858:
I let my 7 month old play by herself all the time, and still do at 9 months. Sometimes she gets hurt and I'm not sure what she did like this morning she started screaming and I was in the other room, and I still don't know if she caught her hand in the drawer or hit her head on the table...kid is always hitting her head.nbsp; I think you're being a bit hormonal, or it's a reflection of the fact that you don't really trust your caregivers, since you've complained about them on here before.
A bruise on a mobile baby is very different from a dislocated elbow on a nonmobile baby IMO. OP, I don't think you're necessarily overreacting as that sounds like a pretty serious injury. However, I do think it could have happened with dressing him if he's anything like my boys. That excuses the accident but not the reaction of the caregivers. In their defense, they did take him in quickly once they realized there was a serious problem.

I agree.. they did react quickly.. though, I was pretty pissed when they "contemplated" not telling me about it.. I guess why I have a hard time understanding is because they gave me so many different stories.. at first, no idea how it happened.. and then it was he rolled over and cried when it happened.. and then when I got there, my sister said no that he had just been inconsolable all morning and they noticed he wouldn't use his arm, and I asked my M about how she said he cried when it happened and he had rolled on it and then my Dad said no he didn't cry at all when it happened.. and then on the phone when I got home M said she was dressing him and he was fussing, and she turned her back and then he was really crying, adn after that she noticed he woudlnt' use it.. it just kept changing..

Another poster on WMs said it happened to her daughter 2x and it was just her with her daughter and she has no idea how it happened.. so, maybe it does happen that easily? I have no idea. Especially since they were done at the peds office before I could even get there, so I didn't even get the chance to talk to the ped about it.

adoxyinherear · February 2013

Wow, you are NOT overreacting! It's totally reasonable to be upset that DS is hurt, and I would be out of control pissed that no one will really tell you what happened (and I'm with you on imagining that his injury was the result of being rolled, as opposed to rolling himself). Ugh, I am so sorry. Not cool at all.

JulyMomma2U2 · February 2013

softskate31:
read this: https://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/bones/nursemaid.html
The injury is common and can be easy to cause - even just by lifting baby by his arms - like people do to help them stand or walk.
I wouldn't fret over the injury.
I would be upset that your caregivers we reluctant to tell you.
What is your daycare plan for both babies? Are you able to trust your family members to watch both kids?

i have read up on it.. Yes, it's common more so in children over a year as you tend to be a little "rougher" without realizing the ability to do such a thing.. Pubmed has some great references on the prevalence of such ninjuries broken down by age group. I don't doubt by any means that it happened by accident.. And it most certainly could have happened with me.. I just don't like feeling like I'm unsure of whether the whole truth is being disclosed. Childcare when DS2 comes isn't fully decided yet.. I will either be working PT and we will have someone care for our boys in our home (whether that's my Mom or not I'm unsure), or I will take a few years off and SAH if we can find a way to swing it financially.

CnAnA · February 2013

What the everloving hell?? How do they not know?? An accident bad enough to dislocate an elbow and nobody knows how it happened? Not cool, even a little. I'd have lost my shiit right then and there. ((hugs)) I'm glad little man seems to be ok now though!

Zimger · February 2013

No, you are not being hormonal. Your child was injured and no one either A)knows what happened or will admit to what happened.

I get that accidents happen but it sounds like they have just blown it off. Which is ridiculous.

I'd be furious. If I was in your place it's very likely that I would feel uncomfortable enough with this situation that I would be looking for another child care setting. I know they are family but that's how I would feel.

Allycat11 · February 2013

Zimger:
No, you are not being hormonal. Your child was injured and no one either A)knows what happened or will admit to what happened.

I get that accidents happen but it sounds like they have just blown it off. Which is ridiculous.

I'd be furious. If I was in your place it's very likely that I would feel uncomfortable enough with this situation that I would be looking for another child care setting. I know they are family but that's how I would feel.

These are my thoughts as well. Accidents happen but it pisses me off that no one can tell you how it happened.

charmedgrl517 · February 2013

I would feel the same way you do, esp since they were debating on even telling you and waited to react. Big Hugs

TnG05 · February 2013

WOW first off they can suck eggs about pulling straws because any response wouldn't have been hormones. I have no clue how that happened even if he did fight to get his clothes on. Hugs to you.

orangegoggles · February 2013

I don't think you are being hormonal at all. I would feel the same way. ((hugs))

Izabella22 · February 2013

Its normal to be upset if your child is sick/hurt. Its normal for those things to happen too. The thing that makes me think you might be a bit hormonal is quote below... if they don't know what happened, they can't tell you, and getting upset that they seem to have offered different ideas on what might have transpired doesn't seem out of the norm if they really don't know how it happened. The part that would piss me off is if they really weren't planning on telling you at all - and that would send me looking for other care. Its great they dealt w/ it immediately and I'm sure they probably didn't want to upset you - but that's not their call. Sick/hurt kid = parents get called.

missbea3:
What upsets me is the fact that no one can tell me what happened. I understand that accidents happen.. and YES I would still have been upset if she had said I accidentally got his arm caught, and I think he's hurt it.. but I would have been upset because he's hurt, not because of the accidnet.. the fact that no one can own up and take responsibility for what happened is what's upsetting me. Just tell me what happened,

FmrAFBrat · February 2013

Allycat11:
Zimger:

No, you are not being hormonal. Your child was injured and no one either A)knows what happened or will admit to what happened.

I get that accidents happen but it sounds like they have just blown it off. Which is ridiculous.

I'd be furious. If I was in your place it's very likely that I would feel uncomfortable enough with this situation that I would be looking for another child care setting. I know they are family but that's how I would feel.

These are my thoughts as well. Accidents happen but it pisses me off that no one can tell you how it happened.

This. I had different issues with my MIL & DS, but somehow he started gaining weight & had no poop left on him when he started DC. If you can find better childcare arrangements I would make them. If MIL (or anyone) had done that to DS I would have pressed charges since they had no explanation. They were supposed to be watching him.

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