Odd Number of Kids

sschwege · February 2013

I have always wanted to have a big family. I could easily see myself having 4-6 kids. DH says we are absolutely and 100% done at 3 kids. I'm OK with that. But my only concern is lately I've been having a lot of people tell me that 3 is a hard number and it's better to have an even number of kids. Harder to get a table for 5, makes it weird for riding rides, one kid is always left out, etc. Thoughts?

Either way we are not stopping at two, I guess I'm just wondering what people's experiences are.

mamainseptember · February 2013

I'm 1 of 3 and DH is 1 of 3. My brothers are 5 years older and 5 years younger. The age difference was so vast that no one ever got left out. We all got along great and did things at different times so no one was in each other's hair. I'm the only girl so automatically my mom and I did more together and my brother's did more with my dad. My brother's aren't close but get along great. DH has a sister 18 months younger and another sister 3.5 years younger. They all fought growing up, the girls still don't get along as adults and his middle sister has the classic "middle child syndrome." She's 23 now and still blames everything on being the "hated sibling." They had a lot of issues with 3 kids because the middle one got left out a lot and they fought A TON. I guess the point of my rant is, it can go either way. DH and I decided that we were either done at 2 or done at 4, we wouldn't have 3 because of the issues him and his sisters had. We're having a girl so were done at 2, one of each.

PunkyBooster · February 2013

I do think it's all in how the parents handle it- but middle child syndrome would probably concern me more. As would money, but that's dependent on individual families.

I am a middle child, but my older sister is 5 years older and was never around (she has a lot of...problems). So I identify as the older sibling.

DH is #2 out of 4. He doesn't have middle child syndrome but BIL (#3 out of 4) has it so bad. It's ridiculous. FIL is #2 out of 4 and has one of the worst cases of middle child syndrome I have ever encountered.

WestCoastMommy · February 2013

Middle child syndrome and money would concern me the most. I was the middle child but I was also the only girl so I never felt left out. I kind of loved being the only girl. I have two kids, a boy(4) and a girl(2), and they are so easy and very close. They truly are best friends and I don't feel like disrupting the flow of the family with another LO even though we wouldn't mind a 3rd. DH came from a family with 4 kids and none of the kids are close and they fight all the time. All of them. The older they get the worse it seems. DH and I decided that we are a happy unit as is so we are stopping at 2.

ali26 · February 2013

I'm one of three and so is DH. In my family, I'm the oldest, brother is middle, sister youngest, all two years apart. I think bc he's the ony boy my bro doesn't have the typical middle child syndrome. As far as going on rides, etc, by the time my sister was old enough to also go on things, my brother and I were always partners, and one parent would ride with my sis. As we got older it never seemed to matter who went alone. NBD.

DH is also oldest, he as two brothers, one 2 years younger, one seven years. Again no typical middle child syndrome bc of age difference.

MammaBear81 · February 2013

I agree with PP in regards to the way parents handle it. It is nice for each child to have a "pair" ... it just so happens that I have boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, and I see that the boys pair off and the girls pair off, and LO is only 18 months so he doesn't really "pair" with anyone. I've always liked even numbers, so no one is left out... I'm not talking about big things like middle child syndrome, simple things like sharing dessert, or working together to clean something up, it's nice to "pair them off". They naturally gravitate to the child right above, or below them in age, so if one child is not home everyone just "shifts" down .

That being said, I don't think its any different finding a table for 5 or 6, but if you are talking 4-5 then yes, most tables either seat 4 or 6, sometimes you can put a chair on the end to make a table of 4 into 5, but that isn't guaranteed. When we go to restaurants we almost always have to wait, finding a table for 7+ people usually takes two tables.

I wouldn't have another child just to make things even, we will know when our family is "complete".

June2007 · February 2013

I am 2 of 3 and loved being a middle child. I could relate to the older one or the younger one better than they could relate to each other. I always had someone to team up with! DH is 2 of 5 and liked having lots if siblings to play with growing up. ETA my siblings and I were all a year and a half apart in age, so very close, we had our moments but for the most part have always been friends and still are. DH's siblings are close in age too, he isnt very close to his siblings now but that's because of lifestyle choices, they all get along.

I am currently pregnant with number 3 so I don't know how it is parenting wise yet but I'm looking forward to the added chaos!

logoz80 · February 2013

I think it's up to you and your husband, People citing difficulty for an odd number of children need to mind their own business. If you want 8 kids and you can afford it and handle it, more power to you....just because I know that I can't doesn't mean I should disparage you.

bunny731 · February 2013

Our arrangement that is not the case. If I thought it were I would consider 4; which is why we talked about 4 before we had kids. But with 3 and the way they are spaced in age and gender we see a constant triangle of attention between all of them for varied reasons.

]Getting a table is no problem. I am not sure how often we are going to go on rides as a family that considering another child offsets the benefit of side-by-side ride interaction. Wink

diana.filipi · February 2013

We're having 3 and are tickled with it. I can see how pairing them up won't always work but I can also see how just because there are 4 doesn't mean they are always willing to pair up so nicely. I don't know. DD is 2 years older than DS and he'll just be a bit over a year older than this next one. If this next one is a boy I think that would be just perfect. It will be great no matter.

LeggyNic · February 2013

I'll echo that I think it has more to do with how the parents handle things and the children's personalities. DH is the oldest of 3 with a sister 2.5yrs and brother 5yrs younger. DH and his brother are amazingly responsible people and very close to one another. Even with a 5yr age difference, they shared a bedroom growing up.

SIL can drive me crazy with her entitlement attitude. Even at 34, married and expecting, she expects her parents to pay for everything. She calls her mother 6-8x/day. It's not so much that she has the typical "middle child" syndrome, it's more that she was the only girl and IL's still haven't put boundaries on her.

LovinTim912 · February 2013

I agree with what people are saying... it has to do with the parents AND the personalities of the children.

I'm the oldest of 3 and we all had issues. My sister (middle child) had - and still does - middle child syndrome bad!! We didn't get along AT ALL when we were younger and still have some issues now. She was always favored by my mom, which never really bothered me, but I think that's why we aren't as close as you'd expect. My brother (the youngest) and I were always very close though.

DH is the oldest of 2- he has a younger sister. They have a poor relationship for many reasons, but I think that MIL likes to see them fight. She instigates them. I'm not sure they would be close even if she didn't though, just because they are SO different.

As far as what we are doing, who knows. I feel that I am done but DH wants one more (at least.)

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