can't spoil a newborn?

realityspeller · February 2013

i feel like i've read at least a 1/2 dozen posts similar to what i'm about to ask but for some reason it seems different when it is happening to you.

i have a 3 week old baby girl. for the first 2 weeks of her life she was very flexible and she would nap in her RNP and in her crib during the day. then, the more i read about newborns i started to feel guilty about putting her down so much (i put her down in her crib or RNP for every nap) as she sleeps so much of her life and the literature said that touch was her primary language.

so i started holding her more and having her nap on me more often. now, i can't put her down! at night she will sleep in her RNP after being held for at least an hour (i hand her over to my husband after her last feeding of the evening and i go to sleep & he holds her while watching sports center) but other than that she wakes up every time i put her down and starts howling.

what have i done? why did i mess with a good thing? is there light at the end of the tunnel? my house is falling apart and i'm getting pretty restless....

mben1119 · February 2013

It gets better the older they get. At 3 weeks, their moods change so often, that who knows? Next week she might be all good by herself in the crib again. Enjoy the snuggle time, do what you need to do so you both get some sleep, and know that it will get better.

MeaganG11 · February 2013

Do you swaddle? Swaddling will help give them that sense of security that being held close to you does.

buttabean14 · February 2013

We have gone through that for sure. The only way I was able to get any housework done for any length of time was to put her in a sling. She takes naps in it. Have you given that a try?

SnowOwl7 · February 2013

It's a stage, it will get better. My LO did the same thing and we just gave her the comfort she was looking for and it didn't spoil her. She sleeps without problem wherever we put her. Swaddle!

IncogNeato · February 2013

I'm in the minority here I guess but my first DD only slept on me for months and it sucked. Yes, snuggles are great but I was exhausted, felt like I never got a break, and she was a horrible sleeper for nearly a year. With my current DD, I put her down a lot more. I still snuggle her but I want her to learn how to soothe herself a little bit now to make sleep training easier later.

kelly321 · February 2013

IncogNeato:
I'm in the minority here I guess but my first DD only slept on me for months and it sucked. Yes, snuggles are great but I was exhausted, felt like I never got a break, and she was a horrible sleeper for nearly a year. With my current DD, I put her down a lot more. I still snuggle her but I want her to learn how to soothe herself a little bit now to make sleep training easier later.

This was true for me with DD1, too, at least during the day. She would nap for max 20 min if I set her down but in my arms would nap for 2-3 hours. I chose to let her nap in my arms so I could have that much peace and quiet. It wasn't until she was 7 months old that I could finally get her to nap in her crib.

So far with DD2 she'll nap in her bouncer or her playpen (or my arms), but not in her crib. As long as I can get her to nap somewhere other than my arms, though, that's ok.

As others have said, you could try a sling to see if she'll nap there. And don't worry about spoiling her / doing something wrong. Babies go through phases so quickly that you can honestly tell yourself "this, too, shall pass" (although when you're stuck in a bad phase it can seem like an eternity).

bgf1 · February 2013

My experience with my first, and it seems to be holding true with my second is that whether it is good or bad it is just a phase. This seems to go for sleep too. Your Lo's changing sleep pattern has more to do with where she is at developmentally likely then the fact that you started holding her more.

I don't believe you can spoil newborns. Don't let guilt weigh you down. Just do what works for you and your family. If that mean holding her while she sleeps than do it. If it stops working for you and LO then try something else.

If you like the snuggles while she sleeps then you can always try babywearing. If you want to be able to put her down then somethings that may help are swaddling, lying a hotpack down on her crib to pre warm the sheet (our house tends to be cold and I think sometimes the shock of going from warm arms to cold crib makes LO's complain), and white noise. I can't remember the details but read some Elizabeth Pantley she talks about how to "dance" the baby from your arms into the crib without them waking up. Good Luck.

sbevmc09 · February 2013

It doesn't sound to me like you did anything "wrong" it's normal for babies to go through periods where they want to be held more. It was likely a natural evolution that happened to coincide with you intentionally holding her more.

Also in my personal experience, DD was totally chill and would be totally content to lay anywhere during the first ~2 weeks. After that (and up to and including now) she's a little more finicky and often wakes when I put her down and wants me to hold her. I went through the same thing with DS so I know it will naturally evolve. Babywearing is your friend

I *think* I remember reading somewhere that the best time to transition a baby out of your arms (if you want them to remain sleeping) is after about 30 mins based on their sleep cycles. I could be making this up, but I swear I just recently read that. Maybe look into that?

Wild_flower25 · February 2013

Don't blame yourself that's normal for her age. Just do what you have to do.

dande2129 · February 2013

mabenner1:
It gets better the older they get. At 3 weeks, their moods change so often, that who knows? Next week she might be all good by herself in the crib again. Enjoy the snuggle time, do what you need to do so you both get some sleep, and know that it will get better.

This is my advice too, even though it's probably not what you were looking for. With DS and this LO as well, the first 3 months, I really just did what I had to do for sleep and comfort.

realityspeller · February 2013

thanks y'all. i do enjoy the snuggles and it is helpful to hear this is a phase maybe not the result of anything i did.

i do swaddle her but might have to look into a sling if this continues much longer.

sthomas1222 · February 2013

DD was fine with sleeping wherever the first 2 weeks, except at night she wanted to sleep on me. Then last week it started where even during the day she wanted to be on me. Now it's during the day but at night she's sleeping in her swing... It changes day to day. Yesterday I couldn't put her down at all, as soon as I made the motion to try and put her down she'd scream but then today she napped in her bouncer and swing most of the day. Thank God b/c I hadn't slept but maybe 9 hours in the past 3 days...

g8trkim · February 2013

It's not you, she's just going through a stage where she wants to be held. It will get better than maybe worse again. I think you're doing the right thing by trying to put her down eventually though. At some point she will get used to that and start sleeping better on her own.

FairyDuster003 · February 2013

DD has slept in the bed on me for most of her life. Including most naps. Last night out of curiosity I put her swaddled in the crib at 8:30 and she slept till 5am.

My point is, it has nothing to do with how much you "train" them to sleep on their on or in your arms, they have their own preferences and developmental phases. Snuggle and make it work until the next stage!

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