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Special Needs
DixieNormous330
member
Friends pulling away?
DixieNormous330
member
Have any of you had friends pull away after your child was diagnosed with a special need?
Super close friends of ours have just about completely pulled away from us since DD was diagnosed. We saw them (stayed with them) in November and haven't heard boo from them since. I sent an email to the wife with a generic, "hey, haven't spoken in a while and wanted to catch up with you." and got a totally superficial response. When asked about what was going on with us, I kept it light but mentioned DD's upcoming g-tube placement, and I haven't heard anything back. And i know she's checked her personal email in the last 3 weeks. I'm just really hurt by this. This is H's childhood best friend and his wife. They were in our wedding (bridesmaid and best man). H and his BFF friends since they were 12, me and the wife for 10 years. As soon as DD was diagnosed they just kind of faded.
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Re: Friends pulling away?
I'm sorry your dealing with this
Do you think maybe there is something going on which would prompt a distant change in your relationship? Is she maybe going through something in her family which would cause this?
BTW I can't always take you seriously - your screen name is HILARIOUS
I've thought of that, and I know they went through some stuff last year and while that was going on I reached out to her and gave her a shoulder. As far as we're aware everything in their life is picture perfect at this point. If it wasn't, H's friend would have told him. They have no problems asking for support, just seems they aren't too able to give it.
Glad you like the name. I had to do SOMEthing fun with a screen name
We have also had best friends pull away. At this point, we are friends with one couple (childhood friend of mine), and then we have our family (some of which have also pulled away). It was, and still is, very hard. And, I have no real advice, but to say that if you have tried to maintain your relationship, and they have completely cut off communication, then you may just have to let it be.
We are dealing with this too. Some of our best friends, and very close neighbors that have kids DS's age, abruptly stopped playing with us after his dx. We were kind of to ourselves at first, with all of the rampant emotions we were having, but we haven't done anything socially besides saying "HI," (not even playing in the yard) with them since November. And this mom was my bestie and these kids were DS's BFFs. We did almost everything together. :-(
I'm currently working on that relationship again, but I had a jewelry party last night and she was a no show, so, oh well.
However, I have an old pal from childhood that I have reconnected with as a result of all of this. Her son is DSs age as well, and has the same dx and very similar issues. I feel that that relationship is a major blessing. So, you win some, you lose some, I guess. It's really hard though. For the most part, our family has been super supportive, but there are some that avoid the topic and seem uncomfortable by it for some reason.
Good luck and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. For us it was different since most of our friends don't have kids to begin with so when we had our 1st we noticed our friends pull away and DH was confused. I reasoned we had a "baby monster" and everyone was "afraid" of it. We have 2 couples that we're still good friends with and as it happens, one of them is dealing with a dx - PDD-NOS for their son who is only 6 months younger than ours and the other couple, the wife is the companion/helper for an autistic child in NJ. But other than that - yeah, it happens.
Like others have said, it may be a combination of not knowing what to say or do and not wanting to try to figure it out.
Sorry
Yep, sounds familiar. I got told from someone that they were sick of hearing about ds all the time. We didnt share anything about him then, not at all. Ever. Because of this groups reaction, I never ever ever ever share anything about my kids to anyone. Ever. Not to aw brag hive five, etc, except here, not to friends, or family, or strangers. I'm not tight lipped, I'm closed mouthed. Most people that know me outside of anything kid related don't even know I have kids, coworkers included. It's just not worth it.
The down side is I have no one IRL to commiserate with when the chips are down. I don't even think I've really vented here. It's hard not to have anyone to talk to, but I'd rather not go down that road and keep my private life private.
OP, it does suck, but you will know who your true friends are, and you don't need many!
I just don't foster that friendship anymore. We're in a 2x a month Bible study together, where babies are usually present. That's about the only time I spend with her. I really do like her, she's just not really a good friend anymore.