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Parenting after a Loss
jertie
member
Separation Anxiety - DC drop-off
jertie
member
We've just moved Pip over to a new DC this week and things are going great! However (there's always a however!), I started noticing last night that she has a very strong need to be around us. Literally, in our arms - or with us playing directly with her. I put her down yesterday while making dinner and you would have thought I ran her favorite toy through a woodchipper - she cried for 15 minutes straight - banging her head, flopped on the floor, uncontrollable. I tried calming her down a few times, w/o picking her up - but she was having none of it. I finally picked her up and we looked out the window (her favorite!) and she settled down. I noticed the same sort of behavior this morning when DH brought her down for breakfast (he put her down to make some coffee) and again when I dropped her off at DC (she started crying when I let go of her hand to put away her coat).
Just to let you know, we don't pick her up a lot and she'll happily play alone - so I really think the behavior is related to the DC switch. We usually try to spend 15 mins or so dropping her off - making sure she's comfortable reading a book or interacting with the teacher - then quietly slipping away. With the old DC she'd cry as soon as we set her down and wouldn't settle until after we left and we never experienced the clinginess at home. My questions are these: Have you guys experienced anything similar? How do you handle DC hand-off? (My guess is that this clinginess is most likely temporary - and will fade once she gets accustomed to the new place - but I'd like to make it as painless as possible for her - and not do any permanent psychological damage 
.) TIA!!
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Re: Separation Anxiety - DC drop-off
G has always been an in your arms-by your side-in your face sort of kid (i.e., only one of us, me or DH, can get anything done at a time while the other handles G). And while we don't have a DC handoff, we have noticed in the last couple months that our morning handoff to the nanny, which used to be a non-event, is much more of a battle, with him crying, clinging and throwing himself on the floor when we put our coats on in the morning. Used to be he'd pleasantly wave bye-bye as we left so long as the nanny was avaialble for attention. Not so much any more.
Just throwing that out there to note that some of it could be a phase as well as the disruption related to the change in DC providers?
Hope the transition irons itself out soon!
BFP #1 5/2010 - Missed m/c at 8 weeks
BFP #2 2/2011
Baby G welcomed with love and relief 10/2011
Surprise BFP 1/8/2013...say what? Baby A arrived 9/2013
Motherhood is not for wimps
I deal with a lot of the same stuff. Virtually every work day for the past 7 months or so, DS melts down when I drop him off a day care. When I try to put him on the ground to take off his coat first thing at day care, he starts to breathe fast and panic. I pick him up after that and play with him for 10-15 minutes to get him to uncling from me, and once he's meandering around the room and having fun, I make my exit. Less than 10% of the time, I make it out the door without a melt-down. Most of the time though, he throws an absolute fit, even though he's clearly having fun playing right up to when I stand up to leave. And this is 7 months into his current room.
He's often clingy at home too. Quite often when I leave the room to wash my hands after a diaper change, for example, he'll start crying and running after me. Similarly if DH does something like walks by DS and starts to head up or down the stairs without his little buddy, a melt-down ensues. I think part of it is him not wanting to miss out on excitement, and part of it is him liking us and not wanting to be left.
I wish I had some good solutions for you but I don't. Just know that Pip is certainly not the only one. I hope it starts to fade as she adjusts to her new day care. Good luck!
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
Separation Anxiety is very common and you are right this is temporary. Through this experience she will learn that you come back. That helps to establish trust. So try not to worry to much about psychological damage.
We are dealing with DS's separation anxiety. He does cry when I get ready to leave whether I stay for a few extra minutes or leave right away (and heaven help me if he catches a glimpse of me after I leave his room).
I have found that not prolonging my stay is the best solution. I know from years of DC experience that the kids are typically upset until their parent leaves. Almost as soon as their parent is out of sight they start to calm down. The only time I have noticed that this is not the case is if there is something drastic going on in the home (which creates high tension) or if they really don't feel well.
I have called the DC on a few occasions (when he was particularly upset) and sure enough I hear him babbling away in the background happy as he can be.
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