Adventures in Shared Maternity

mollykelley · February 2013

I got the call from insurance yesterday that we are covered 80 percent for partner IVF so it is a go! We had out baseline ultrasounds, bloodwork, and started meds. Egg retrieval from K will be in early March and transfer to me will be 3 to 5 days later.

We had to meet with a psychologist to get an eval since medically I am her surrogate, which sounds weird. I don't care what you call it, I'm so excited to carry my wife's baby! I was crying uncontrollably yesterday when I got the news about insurance.

We will have to meet with a lawyer to sign a co parenting contract, and they say we can put in it whatever we want. Has anyone done a co parenting contract who can give me some ideas?

Thanks for letting me share this journey with you all!

LiteraryJinx · February 2013

Congrats! How awesome!

mollykelley · February 2013

Thank you! I am over the moon with excitement!

healz413 · February 2013

That's really excellent news! Congratulations!

songbird31 · February 2013

This is amazing news! I've been hoping to see an update from you! Wow, I am so happy that your insurance has such great coverage!

We met with an attorney a little bit ago and did the co-parenting agreement, healthcare decisions doc, wills, and another document that will carry us over until we can do the 2nd parent adoption. It was interesting to have those written up. Our lawyer included items such as if we were to ever split, we would both be 50% responsible for the child and even had a paragraph about being responsible for college (which we had taken out...lol). Other than that, it's a relatively simple doc compared to some of the others. I do remember since we discussed this exact situation, that if I was technically the surrogate, she would have to draw up an additional document to the ones we have signed. We decided not to do it at this time so we didn't have it drawn up. - hope that helps, only if just a little.

mollykelley · February 2013

healz413:
That's really excellent news! Congratulations!

Thank you healz! I hope it works!

And Im sending good thoughts for you and Manada for your next cycle!

mollykelley · February 2013

songbird31:
hope that helps, only if just a little.

This does help! Thank you! I downloaded a sample from HRC website. The part that is confusing me now is where it says THE BIOLOGICAL PARENT as I see us both as being biological. Not sure if even a lawyer will know how to answer that one!

healz413 · February 2013

mollykelley:
I downloaded a sample from HRC website. The part that is confusing me now is where it says THE BIOLOGICAL PARENT as I see us both as being biological. Not sure if even a lawyer will know how to answer that one!

Perhaps if the term "biological" isn't working for those reasons and you need to distinguish the biological contributions you are each making to the pregnancy, you could use the terms gestational parent and genetic parent (although you might have to say "genetic parent--female" or "genetic mother" or something else to distinguish from the sperm provider).

I have seen these terms used elsewhere and think they might work for you if I understand your concerns correctly.

mollykelley · February 2013

Thank you, Healz! That is great advice, and I didn't even have to pay you a retainer!!!

Apparently, we can put whatever we want in the contract, and I like the words you suggested. Now I'm thinking of a diaper clause... Like how diaper duty will be shared!

Twinkler2011 · February 2013

MolleyKelley,

I don't have any advise regarding the legal aspects. However, I think it would be amazing to carry using your partners eggs. We are not 100% sure on having another one yet, but if we do I want to do it.