Telling the family

bundleoluv11 · February 2013

Oh ok as you all know we as women don't like to tell all our business but, when family start asking questions how should you handle it? I get my first iui with frozen sperm tomorrow its just me and my partner who are going. But, a lot of my friends family feel left out of this process. How should I handle this? Mind you I just lost my mother 9 months ago so me andt the family are still taking very hard this is a very emotional time for me because she wont there to hold my hand.

polyhymnia23 · February 2013

I'm SO sorry for your loss. I would choose who ever you want to be there so that you feel comforted.

Honestly, the only family member that knows is my Mom (I wanted her medical history) and my wife's brother/sister-in-law (because it was their kid that prompted us to consider a family). Other than a few, VERY close friends, no one else knows.

We chose not to tell anyone else because we don't want to deal with the constant questions or dealing with everyone else's needs. Truthfully, this is YOUR journey and you should feel free to take the journey any way you want! Put yourselves first!!

That is just IMO, of course Fingers crossed for tomorrow!!

Manada · February 2013

We told our families we were TTC because we were so stressed out at the news of my fertility issues and it totally changed our TTC plans.

We wanted support in the process but also to give our people a heads up that if we do get pregnant and it seems a bit ahead of an ideal schedule it's because it IS! Well, not so much anymore but in the beginning we were about 5 months of our planned timeframe when we had the "now or never" talk with our RE.

It's been good so far. We update people casually as we go along and they seem to keep any questions to a minimum and with much respect.

JoySeattle · February 2013

First, I would say that the choice to share information about "all our business" is an individual one, not based on gender.

Second, I would figure out how you feel about family/friend involvement and then honestly share how you feel with those people. For me, I would be perfectly comfortable saying, "most other families don't have anyone else there when they conceive their babies" or "this is a medical procedure, not a public event." You can also remind them that it is much more fun to share in an achieved pregnancy (via showers, etc) than a the first step in what may be a long ttc process. Ultimately, it's your choice, discuss with your partner and then clearly express it to others in your life. Hope you find a way that works for you!

leapgirl8 · February 2013

I don't understand why anyone would feel left out. Because you're not sharing the details of your individual attempts to get pregnant or something? We told my parents and our siblings, and a few close friends. We wanted support and wanted to be able to vent and share the ups and downs. We asked those people not to mention it to anybody else, and they didn't - so we didn't really get any questions. If we had (like if someone let it slip on FB that we were trying), I would have said "I'm so touched that you're excited that we might have kids someday, but there isn't any news to share right now. I'll let you know when there is!" You know, be cheerful, but make it clear that you aren't going to talk to them about it. If they can't take the hint, feel free to lie.

bundleoluv11 · February 2013

Well thank you very much for your advice everyone that is what I can here for and I didn't mean any harm with my words I'm just so damn nervous!! But, without my mom is hard and I want to share my ups and downs with you all and my family I just don't want anyone to feel left of of what this beautiful journey.

firstcomeslove2013 · February 2013

We chose not to share with many people as of yet. We are only on our second round of IUIs and we wanted to ensure that we were emotionally comfortable before we told a lot of people. My concern isn't people knowing or not knowing it is more people being anxious and excited. A lot of times the emotions of others can get in the way of a time when you should be able to be selfish with your emotions but the decision is up to each couple/person!

polyhymnia23 · February 2013

My wife's family are a bunch of debbie-downers, so there is no way anyone else will know until we are 12 weeks pregnant. I don't need that kind of stress!

OP, you just feel free to come here and talk/vent or anything else you need!!

bundleoluv11 · February 2013

Thank you very much ! I'm so excited she is at work smiling!! My kids know because I'm going the clinic where both my daughters were born and my youngest girl birthday is tomorrow and she is happy that I'm doing it on her bday!!

kristi&p · February 2013

I sorry to hear about your loss I know that it is very hard to deal with and that stress added in wtih TTC is a lot to deal with and if you add opinions of family members it would be that much harder.

I am going for my first IUI this week probably Friday (hoping on get my positive OPK) the only two people that know are myself and my wife. We have decided to keep it to ourselves as we have a very vocal family and really want this to be a private and intimate time for us. Once we get pregnant (being super positive) we are still going to wait until it is safe to tell family. The last thing that is needed is more stress during this whole process. I think that you and your spouse have very right to keep this moment between the both of you.

bundleoluv11 · February 2013

Thank you for your kind words! Today was beautiful moment for me . I had my first IUI today and I feel so good. I shared the news with my close friends and one my family member. I will not tell anyone until i'm out the safe zone.

bundleoluv11 · February 2013

Hey Everyone!! I have a news update my daddy knows!! I'm like who told you and he said you told facebook and I figured out the clues!! he says he is happy that he will be a grandpa again!! I'm glad he is happy for me and my partner even though my mom is not here to share my joy I believe she has a lot a lot to do with this!!

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