Smoking Nanny???

Shermany · February 2013

I'm part of a nanny share situation, she picks up the other baby and drives over to my house and watches them both while I work from home. During her part time "trial run" week the other couple saw cigarettes in her bag (not by going through it! they were just visible) and thought they smelled smoke on her breath. Since then we've talked about it with her and stressed how second hand smoke clings to hair and clothes, and the importance of her coming to work clean and smoke free. We put in the contract that it is a two strike situation (smelling smoke on her) and provided her with a gift card to a car detailing place to make sure her car is also a safe environment for the kids.

This morning the other mom texted me to say that she thought she smelled smoke on the nanny's breath, and can I check it out? Ok, so I did and I can't really tell (I'm slightly stuffy). But I feel like I need to bring it up to her and I just don't know how. Obviously the health of our kids is paramount, but I don't want to go insulting her because she was hands-down the best person we interviewed (aside from smoking, which we didn't know about till after she started).

So does anyone have a suggestion for how I go about starting this conversation? She has read the contract so she knows the two-strike condition, and she assured us that she would wash up and change clothes before coming to work if she has a cigarette in the morning. She's wonderful with the kids, and has stellar references and work history, but this is a major problem. Honestly, if we'd know about the smoking at the time of the initial interview I don't think we would have hired her.

TIA ladies. I suck at confrontation and am dreading this conversation!

karkissy09 · February 2013

DH's mom smokes, and as much as I don't like it we can rarely smell it on her and I know she has Hallie's best interest in mind. It sounds like this woman cares well for your child. If she seems to be making an effort to clean up before coming over then I'd atleast give it some time. However I always have a pretty lax approach to things like this, partially because I avoid confrontation as well. If it's something that seriously bothers you though then I think you should maybe just tell her, " 'So and so...the other mother' mentioned smelling a little smoke on your breath. I know you're making an effort to get it off your clothes but second hand smoke is just a huge concern of ours." Or if the other mother is concerned and you can't smell it, let her deal with it this time. If it continues, it may be time to hunt for a new nanny.

FairyDuster003 · February 2013

As an ex smoker, I can tell you that if you have an issue with smelling smoke on her at all then go ahead and find a new nanny. The smell sticks to your hair, bags, and lots of things that can't be washed or changed before she comes over. I get your concern with second hand smoke though but I'd prob be fine as long as she changed clothes and washed her hands. And that's because exhaust fumes in the air from cars are worse than the small amount of ciggy smoke lingering on her purse.

But yeah you are most likely going to smell smoke on her unless she's fresh out of the shower.

ETA corrections because mobile suxx

BabyMakes 3 · February 2013

Yikes... I have VERY strong opinions on this. Bye bye nanny, IMO. Sorry. But DH used to smoke and stopped when we married. I don't even let the smokers in DH family hold him... It may be harsh, but I don't want my son breathing this in. It clings to everything, clothes, nails, hair, everything... I know it's hard because you love her but IMO I'd part ways. It's not like you can ask her to quit and I don't think it's enough to shower before work and not smoke during work hours...

katielynn01 · February 2013

I agree with a mix of the above.

I used to smoke, and I completely agree that she's gonna smell unless she comes fresh out of the shower.

But, I wouldn't just fire her. Maybe she's looking for a reason to quit but doesn't have one. I'd try saying "you either need to quit, or shower before you touch my child, or we're gonna have to let you go." If she's going the whole day without a cigarette she clearly isn't a heavy smoker, so maybe she'll decide to quit.

Shermany · February 2013

She's definitely not a heavy smoker, and is trying to quit, so we're willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I womaned up and spoke to her. She assured me that she had showered and brushed before coming to work. She also can't smoke at her home, so it's not like she's sitting in a smoke filled house all night. I feel pretty comfortable with the precautions she's taken to keep smoke-free around the kids.

143BabyCakes · February 2013

I used to smoke. Years before I got pregnant I quit once and it was SO hard. Maybe as a show of support you could get her those electronic cigarettes. She may not be able to go cold turkey, and the extra show of support could be just what she needs.

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