Refusing internals?

vadamsv · February 2013

I don't have my second appt for a few more weeks but I can't stop freaking out about having an internal. I want to refuse but wasn't sure if anyone else has felt this way before? Any advise out there!?

Any ideas if there are anti-anxiety medications preg women can take??

LaineyPaney · February 2013

Why do you want to refuse internal exams?

ASmallWonder · February 2013

You can always refuse but I don't see why you'd even be offered one in the second trimester unless there's a concern.

tokenhoser · February 2013

Why are you receiving internals all the time? I had one at my initial appointment just to feel my uterus and make sure things were normal, but they're not an every appointment occurrence. I won't have another internal until I'm in labour.

MommyAmes2 · February 2013

I had a pap done early on because I was due for my yearly. I won't have anymore until they check my cervix late in third trimester.

Not sure why you are getting one in the second trimester?

meltoine · February 2013

It's perfectly fine to refuse internals. Many women do, and many doctors and most midwives don't perform them routinely anymore.

However, you mention your second appointment, which makes it sound like you're still in first tri. If this is the case, this isn't something to worry about for several more months, as no provider does routine internals before mid-late third tri, save for a pap smear if you're not up to date on it.

You should also address why the thought of an internal makes you so anxious that you are considering meds. If this is related to some sort of sexual trauma in your past, I highly suggest counseling. If its idiopathic, that's a reason for counseling too. I would not jump straight to meds for anxiety like this, especially during pregnancy, without defining and addressing the underlying cause first.

Lastly, there are anti-anxiety meds that are considered safe for pregnancy, if it comes to that. But that is something to discuss with your doctor. We are random strangers on an Internet forum. We know nothing for your medical history or, really, or your symptoms and therefore cannot determine what is safe for YOU to take.

prettypinkypeonies · February 2013

dude, not to be rude, but if you're getting that worked up about someone sticking their fingers up your vag, then it's probably something you're going to want to work on before actually giving birth.

they're seriously not that bad. sometimes you just need to put your big girl panties on and deal.

vadamsv · February 2013

This was unplanned. If I had had time to mentally prepare myself then I probably wouldn't be in such a panic.

I refused one at my first appointment so thats why they are saying I have to do one at my second.

kje120 · February 2013

Have you never had a pap in your entire life? It's really not that big a deal to have an internal, especially this early. Just do this one and get it over with and then you won't have another one until the end of third tri (which you can always refuse).

ASmallWonder · February 2013

vadamsv:
This was unplanned. If I had had time to mentally prepare myself then I probably wouldn't be in such a panic.
I refused one at my first appointment so thats why they are saying I have to do one at my second.

Is this your first experience with gynecological exams? If not, it's really no different and no worse (at this stage) than any you've had before. If it is, it's even more important that you consent to the initial one so there's a baseline for your medical history. It's really quick. I won't say it's pleasant but I mean, clearly you've had sex so it's not like something going up there is a completely foreign concept for you. It's not like they're ramming their foot up there

Cinnamon Haze · February 2013

How many weeks are you that you need one at this point?

And to pp... They are done in early pregnancy to make sure your cervix is closed, hard and high. Not to feel your Uterus, tho the Dr will generally apply pressure to your belly and push up a little from the inside in order to try to determine the size of the uterus in early pregnancy. An internal is not done to 'check your uterus'. Your uterus is not in your vagina. Not unless something is seriously freakin wrong.

To OP, im guessing youre young, but unless this lo is the unfortunate product of un concentual intercourse, you must have experience with a man being all up in you. So... what gives?

Runaway22 · February 2013

prettypinkypeonies:
dude, not to be rude, but if you're getting that worked up about someone sticking their fingers up your vag, then it's probably something you're going to want to work on before actually giving birth.

they're seriously not that bad. sometimes you just need to put your big girl panties on and deal.

They're not that bad for most people, but can cause pain, cramping, spotting and (in some cases) be traumatic. Maybe OP is dealing with something more than just anxiety when it comes to her most personal and intimate organs being poked and prodded. There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone feeling uneasy about "someone sticking their fingers up their vag," whether that someone is a doctor or not.

Runaway22 · February 2013

bump burp

magdalina.h · February 2013

Why are you getting internals in the 2nd tri? I know women refuse them in the 3rd tri because they don't really indicate what's going on, but if your dr wants to do them in the 2nd tri I wouldn't refuse.

tokenhoser · February 2013

Cinnamon Haze:
How many weeks are you that you need one at this point?
And to pp... They are done in early pregnancy to make sure your cervix is closed, hard and high. Not to feel your Uterus, tho the Dr will generally apply pressure to your belly and push up a little from the inside in order to try to determine the size of the uterus in early pregnancy. An internal is not done to 'check your uterus'. Your uterus is not in your vagina. Not unless something is seriously freakin wrong.

Thanks, doctor!

This wasn't a cervical exam, it was just a normal vaginal exam where she used pressure to locate my uterus and ovaries, just like any other annual exam. I didn't need a pap this year, so I didn't get one.

Cinnamon Haze · February 2013

Yay for you.... obviously OP's exam is based on her pregnancy and not a reg yearly.

Since she is posting here that shouldve been clear. I guess you just wanted to have something to say tho.

Carry on.

SeaStar1 · February 2013

I'm not sure if there are any anti-anxiety medications that are pregnancy safe, perhaps something such as benedryl that will at least make you drowsy ? I use Tylenol Pm and it helps with drowsiness. (I use every now and then for dental pain )

Because insurance messed up, I didn't get an actual exam until almost second trimester this time. I refused the pap smear but allowed them to do an internal exam. It was quick and didn't hurt.

Try not to think about it too much, you've got a precious baby in there, how exciting !! It'll all work out, hang in there ! :-)

merc5411 · February 2013

No one likes or enjoys internal exams, but it's something you need to do. If there is a real reason you are freaking out, go see someone to deal with it. Otherwise, suck it up. You're gonna have to give birth and that doesn't look so easy.

Sorry to be harsh but if you aren't prepared to be an adult, you shouldn't be having sex.

tokenhoser · February 2013

Cinnamon Haze:
Yay for you.... obviously OP's exam is based on her pregnancy and not a reg yearly.
Since she is posting here that shouldve been clear. I guess you just wanted to have something to say tho.
Carry on.

Well, actually, she said this is her initial pregnancy exam which IS just a normal checkup.

Where'd you go to med school again?

amarissa85 · February 2013

vadamsv:
This was unplanned. If I had had time to mentally prepare myself then I probably wouldn't be in such a panic.
I refused one at my first appointment so thats why they are saying I have to do one at my second.

I rather agree with the PP. The OB is probably going to have their hand in your vag a lot. There really isn't nothing to panic about. It is an internal.

eilatan&nhoj88 · February 2013

I've been to the same doc for all of my children. I just remind them early on that I don't want any internal exams (other than being checked in labor) because it is unbearably painful for me. I had also had issues with miscarriage after a pap with my first pregnancy and an early miscarriage with my second so she doesn't force the issue. A friend of mine was pregnant last year and also has severe pain with exams to the point of blacking out so they finally diagnosed her with a condition and quit doing exams. It's perfectly fine and within your rights to refuse anything you don't want. They may act a little weird about it because they are used to everyone doing what they say but they should respect your decision.

caramia582 · February 2013

Just think of it this way- the actual internal exam probably lasts about 5-10 seconds, and I don't know about you but I think I could endure just about anything for just 10 seconds.

OSUJaydee · February 2013

OP, I was unable to have internal exams and Pap smears until right before I got pregnant with DS due to something called vaginismus. I went through extensive counseling and physical therapy and can now handle exams, but I still have a lot of anxiety. I learned a lot of relaxation techniques that help me. Making sure the doctor knows about my anxiety is important, and I always make sure they go slow and listen when I tell them to stop. Trusting the doctor is key for me.

I was terrified during my pregnancy with DS about internals. My doctor was awesome about it and never forced the issue if I was having a particularly anxious day. She also assured me that I could get an epidural as soon as possible at the hospital so they could do the internals (I did have one before the epidural).

Don't let anyone tell you that all you have to do is to grow up and relax. Sometimes that is impossible. I obviously had no problems getting pregnant, it's just doctors that scare me, and I'm a grown-up 34 year old (who happened to suffer trauma at age 16).

So tl;dr: learn some relaxation techniques and make sure to be open with your doctor about your anxiety.

singahappysong · February 2013

prettypinkypeonies:

they're seriously not that bad. sometimes you just need to put your big girl panties on and deal.

Or technically take them off in this case *snicker snicker snicker*

pepomntpat · February 2013

I plan to refuse all internals unless there is a reason (ie lots of contractions indicating PTL, my history of LEEP so they want to do an u/s of my cervix, etc,) Just to see how things are progressing...no. I also hope to limit them during labor, but that isn't my top, top priority as I am hoping for a VBAC and want to be as cooperative as possible.

ETA: And now that I've read the responses, there are lots of reasons to refuse internals. One of the big ones is that there is absolutely no reason to do them.

jlpev · February 2013

I would definitely discuss this with your Dr and why you are uncomfortable with the internal exams.
With my first pregnancy I had them in the last part of my pregnancy. But I was up to date on my pap and all that was good.
I never experienced anything bad with the exams. My Dr only did it to see how soft my cervix was, I believe.
Drs do stuff for a reason and I didn't go to Med school so I just did whatever he thought needed to be done.

tokenhoser · February 2013

There is no medical reason to do internal exams routinely in the third trimester.

And a good doctor will admit that if you ask.

vadamsv · February 2013

SeaStar1:
I'm not sure if there are any anti-anxiety medications that are pregnancy safe, perhaps something such as benedryl that will at least make you drowsy ? I use Tylenol Pm and it helps with drowsiness. (I use every now and then for dental pain )
Because insurance messed up, I didn't get an actual exam until almost second trimester this time. I refused the pap smear but allowed them to do an internal exam. It was quick and didn't hurt.
Try not to think about it too much, you've got a precious baby in there, how exciting !! It'll all work out, hang in there ! :-)

The dr did mention Unisom so I'll probably give that a try. Thanks for the advice

vadamsv · February 2013

pepomntpat:
I plan to refuse all internals unless there is a reason (ie lots of contractions indicating PTL, my history of LEEP so they want to do an u/s of my cervix, etc,) Just to see how things are progressing...no. I also hope to limit them during labor, but that isn't my top, top priority as I am hoping for a VBAC and want to be as cooperative as possible.
ETA: And now that I've read the responses, there are lots of reasons to refuse internals. One of the big ones is that there is absolutely no reason to do them.

Exactly. I just don't see the point. It really is a violation of your body and if during labor they are necessary then I do plan on refusing until AFTER an epidural.

I know everyone has opinions but saying "be an adult" or "be a big girl" is completely unnecessary. I asked because I'm nervous. I don't need the rudeness.

caramia582 · February 2013

vadamsv:
pepomntpat:
I plan to refuse all internals unless there is a reason (ie lots of contractions indicating PTL, my history of LEEP so they want to do an u/s of my cervix, etc,)  Just to see how things are progressing...no.  I also hope to limit them during labor, but that isn't my top, top priority as I am hoping for a VBAC and want to be as cooperative as possible.
ETA: And now that I've read the responses, there are lots of reasons to refuse internals. One of the big ones is that there is absolutely no reason to do them. 
Exactly. I just don't see the point. It really is a violation of your body and if during labor they are necessary then I do plan on refusing until AFTER an epidural.
I know everyone has opinions but saying "be an adult" or "be a big girl" is completely unnecessary. I asked because I'm nervous. I don't need the rudeness. 

FYI, you may not be able to refuse an internal until after the epidural, because I believe they need to know how dilated you are before giving you the epi... I could be wrong though. I would also imagine they would need to know how dilated you are before even admitting you but again, I could be wrong.

luvmyducks · February 2013

Yes, you can refuse, but you probably won't be offered one until maybe 36w. There is no real reason to get them at the end. No matter what your dilation is, it doesn't really matter. You can walk around at 3cm for weeks or be 1cm and go into labor later that day. I only got one last pg.

Soleil3 · February 2013

vadamsv:
pepomntpat:
I plan to refuse all internals unless there is a reason (ie lots of contractions indicating PTL, my history of LEEP so they want to do an u/s of my cervix, etc,) Just to see how things are progressing...no. I also hope to limit them during labor, but that isn't my top, top priority as I am hoping for a VBAC and want to be as cooperative as possible.
ETA: And now that I've read the responses, there are lots of reasons to refuse internals. One of the big ones is that there is absolutely no reason to do them.
Exactly. I just don't see the point. It really is a violation of your body and if during labor they are necessary then I do plan on refusing until AFTER an epidural.
I know everyone has opinions but saying "be an adult" or "be a big girl" is completely unnecessary. I asked because I'm nervous. I don't need the rudeness.

Its important in the first appt so they can check to make sure the cervix is high and closed (google cerclage) and also if you haven't had a pap within a year, they'll need to swab and check to make sure everything is good and healthy. I only get the one in the first trimester, that's it.

kathleen02 · February 2013

pepomntpat:

I plan to refuse all internals unless there is a reason (ie lots of contractions indicating PTL, my history of LEEP so they want to do an u/s of my cervix, etc,) Just to see how things are progressing...no. I also hope to limit them during labor, but that isn't my top, top priority as I am hoping for a VBAC and want to be as cooperative as possible.

ETA: And now that I've read the responses, there are lots of reasons to refuse internals. One of the big ones is that there is absolutely no reason to do them.

With my first pregnancy I never had one done. I saw midwives at a birth center though so they're a little more hands off unless there is a specific need. Not just to check progression, plus I was caught up on my pap tests so again there was no reason. Just say no if you don't want one. And if they push ask them what specifically are they checking for.

BelhurstBride · February 2013

amarissa85:

I rather agree with the PP. The OB is probably going to have their hand in your vag a lot. There really isn't nothing to panic about. It is an internal.

An OB SHOULDN'T have their "hand in your vag a lot." There's no reason for it and it can be a gateway for infections.

OP, I would talk to your OB about why they would like to do one and ask if there's a way you can just skip it. Your doctor should be there to listen to your concerns and do what's going to work best for you.

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