If your DH were in the hospital, would you visit him?
NewFamily09
member
This morning I took DH to his doctor because he was having horrible chest and back pain. He sent us to the ER where DH is now being admitted for severe dehydration and fluid in the lungs. He told me to go home and be with our boys (we dropped them off with our neighbor/best friends this morning). I reluctantly agreed to go home so they could nap in their own beds, but then said i would come back when they woke up. My friend said she'd be happy to take the boys back any time we need. He just texted me to say he's being admitted and that I don't need to come back tonight. Maybe it's his drugs talking, but is he crazy? Does he really expect me to just leave him in the hospital without even going back to visit before bed? I can understand not staying overnight, so our kids can sleep at home, but what is he thinking? What kind of a wife would I be to just say "okay honey, let me know when you need me to pick me up. Good luck with your pneumonia."
Re: If your DH were in the hospital, would you visit him?
Eh, if he said not to come, I probably wouldnt' come.
There's not much to do and he might feel weird having you see him so helpless.
My mom was in the hospital a few weeks ago, and my sister and dad and I went each day for awhile, but really, my mom needed to sleep more than anything and it was hard to do that while we were there.
I would go back for a few hours, maybe be home with the kids through dinner and then see if your neighbor can come over and put the kids to bed or depending on visiting hours, stay home through dinner and putting the kids to bed and then go for a few hours. If neither of those are options, I would take the kids to the neighbor right after nap and be home for dinner/bedtime and then try and make plans for the next day so you can go a few times and split your time with both.
When I was in the hospital for pre-term labor with DD#2, we had my FIL come take DD#1 so DH could take me.He stayed me until dinner time when my sister and BIL came to the hospital. He left to get DD#1 her dinner and put her to bed and was willing to come back as my sister would have stayed at my house but I was just going to sleep so I told him not to come back and my sis stayed with me until I was set and ready for bed. My sister went back to my house the next day and took DD so DH could come be with me and then got me set up for bed rest at home. When I had DD#2 and was in the hospital for 4 nights, DH slept at home with DD#1, took her to school and then would come stay with me and would leave in time to get DD from school (she was in daycare FT at the time) and then they would come visit for a short time and he would be home with her the rest of the time. I had other family members coming to see me so I was only alone at night and it worked out great.
Thank you. So I took PP's advice and have decided to go 2x a day, once in the morning and then back again around dinner time. Now that it's been a day, though, I can understand why people don't go. I feel so bad leaving my kids with everyone. I want to keep life as normal for them as I can, so that's what's keeping me home. I found out last night that he'll be in at least until Sunday. They are doing a small surgery at the moment to help him drain the fluid from his lung. I asked repeatedly if he wanted me there for it and he never said he did. Still, I ran into an old colleague and when she found out I wasn't with him for the surgery, she said she was ashamed of me. Thanks for the guilt lady. I'm leaving it up to DH from now on. If he wants me there more than 2 one hour visits a day, he'll have to tell me.
ETA: I should add that the reason I wasn't there for the surgery is because I was taking an exam for my college class. DH told me that's what he wanted me to do, even though my professor offered me an extension.
This is what I was thinking. I'd go too, especially since you have an easy childcare option available.
DH was hit by a car in October. He broke two bones in his pelvis and was in the hospital for about 48 hours (2 nights, 3 days). I was only able to go there as soon as I heard he was in the accident, and stayed for a few hours. Then, I had to go home to care for my three kids. I couldn't go back again. The second day, DD1 had school (which she had just started). Then by the second morning / third day, when he was released, his dad drove him home, so there was no need for me to haul three small kids to the hospital to get him.
ETA: I also did not have anyone to watch the kids other than that first day, as it was an emergency.
My DH is the type who would probably say exactly what yours said, and tell me not to come.
While I do agree it's good for you to be with your kids, personally I would go and visit for a little while for my own peace of mind, esp. if the kids are in a safe place that they enjoy.
From my experience, telling my spouse not to come would mean, "I want you to be by my side (I'm nervous) but don't feel like you have to be here since we have a lot at home."
I would go. If you have someone to watch the kids for a few hours, then go.