DH time off vent

zora51 · February 2013

So was just texting with DH about taking some days off while our kids have spring break, and he said something about saving days for when I go into labor. "Yay" I thought. Then he said how he was only planning on taking 1 day off. Boo. I almost started crying. He only gets 5 days off this year (next year he'll double that), and we're supposed to have a extended weekend 'vacation' and he needs to save days for the holidays. But I had this fantastical idea of him being with me the first few days. This is my first pregnancy and newborn, and I'm not worried I'll need "help", but I just want him there. Instead looks like I'll be spending it alone. Kids in school, me alone at home with a newborn.

I hope my baby waits to be born on a Friday!! (Due date is saturday of a holiday weekend, so MAYBE I'll have some company! haha)

Okay. End vent.

cole2144 · February 2013

Will he stay with you in the hospital? When I had DS, my DH was still in college and DS was born on the first day of the fall semester. DH took the day DS was born off and if I remember correctly the day after but the rest of the days, he went to school during the day and stayed with me at night. After I came home from the hospital, my mom came during the day to help while DH was at school and left when he got home. I`m so lucky she was able to be there. Do you have any family nearby that could help?

SarahKate31 · February 2013

I would cry if DH couldn't be home with me when baby is born! Last time he was home for almost a month and it was awesome to have him there. This time I think it'll only be a couple weeks, but still!

Is there anyway your DH could take a couple days unpaid?

plunderb · February 2013

Yep, the US sucks when it comes to family leave.

Sorry your H doesn't get more time off. It's wretched.

zora51 · February 2013

Aw, you ladies are so lucky!! 6 weeks off; a month!! Wow!! That's awesome!

As for taking unpaid days, YES, but the thing is, with his job, they're paid on a split commission-type basis and each day off is a LOT (it doesn't break down evenly actually to what they earn, which I think it's stupid, but whatever, it's their system). So he tries not to take unpaid days cuz we actually lose a lot of money, which I'm not sure if we could swing so well..

All of my family is all in PA (I'm in AZ). My MIL could probably visit and stay a bit (she lives about 3 hrs away), but honestly, I'm not sure if that would be better for me or not! LOL I love her to death, but a lot of times when she visits, it seems like we end up caring for her more than anything else! Soo.... I might be stuck. In addition, I'm in grad school online so I'll have 3 classes to keep up on with the newborn too. I know it's a long way off, but I'm getting a little worried about being able to do it all!!!

eewhite5 · February 2013

When my DD was born my SO was not able to really take time off. He was off the day I had her and then he was technically off and slept in the hospital with me those 2 nights but he did have to leave during the day to go do some work. When I came home he had to go back to work. He was home that first weekend but had to work from home so not really there. We just slept and watched TV a whole lot while I was alone. I missed him and wished he was there but at that time he was just not able to take time off. So we survived. Luckily this time around, he is not in that same position so we won't have to worry about all that. He won't take more than a week off though. Maybe a few days in the beginning and then he will take a week off the week I go back to work. He gets a little time with the baby by himself then.

EmarieDuke · February 2013

My DH went right back to work and I had a c-section. Honestly? It was fine. The baby only needs to be fed, changed and put back to bed. They haven't hit the fussy point yet. Just make sure you sleep when the baby sleeps and don't worry about all the "other stuff". Easier said than done - I know. I actually liked the alone time because I was able to get into my groove with my DD without anyone else there and DH was so excited to come home and see us and spend time with us. My DH loses quite a bit for any days missed, and only has limited vacation. I would much prefer to use that time for actual vacation time when both of us can enjoy time away.

zora51 · February 2013

EmarieDuke:
My DH went right back to work and I had a c-section. Honestly? It was fine. The baby only needs to be fed, changed and put back to bed. They haven't hit the fussy point yet. Just make sure you sleep when the baby sleeps and don't worry about all the "other stuff". Easier said than done - I know. I actually liked the alone time because I was able to get into my groove with my DD without anyone else there and DH was so excited to come home and see us and spend time with us. My DH loses quite a bit for any days missed, and only has limited vacation. I would much prefer to use that time for actual vacation time when both of us can enjoy time away.

That's kinda why I worry though.. It's the "other stuff".. I have 2 other kids to get ready (including getting up early) and bring them to school (DH leaves before they go to school and doesn't get off work til and hr or 2 after they're home). So I'll have to get new baby set to bring in the car at least twice a day and then once they're home, I have to help with homework. I will have my school work to do too. So although I'd love to just sleep when the baby sleeps, I may not have that luxury. I'm new to this, as this is my first pregnancy/infant, but unlike FTMs, I have all the responsibilities of a mom with other kids, without the experience with the newborn, including dealing with fatigue, etc! AH!

I think I'm just fretting more than I need to... I'm a worry wart!

MammaBear81 · February 2013

DH only ever took the day off that I was in labor/gave birth. He was working nights for our last one, so he didn't actually take any time off of work. I guess I can see him being there for moral support, but I took the time between nursing baby to sleep, so he would be sitting there watching me sleep all day and all night (not to mention the cots they have for dad's to sleep on are not the most comfortable). I had family and friends visit, so that was a nice break in the day, but I guess I don't see a reason for him to be there for two days... to each his own!

BlueJewelM · February 2013

I know people who's husbands barely get a few days off...and make it work. Last time DH was off for two weeks when I had DS. Which was good and bad. I loved having him around, but I felt much more empowered when I couldn't rely on him to help all the time. I was a nervous FTM and had never been around babies before.

Looking back, I wish we would have spread out the time off he took. Like after a few months of "mommying" I could have used some time to myself. So this time, my MIL, who I love! Is coming to stay with us for a few days after DH goes back to work.

We are lucky, because DH could have taken more time unpaid if he wanted too...but he even admitted he got a little stir crazy being off work for so long. He's openly admitted he could never be a SAHD. lol.

This way I am hoping to have a getaway with my mom in October so I can have a little break from the kiddos for a weekend. I'm really looking forward to it.

lexismom1008 · February 2013

DH only took off the day DS was born and the day after last time. DS was in the NICU and I was perfectly fine a day after my c-section. He visited us in the evening and then went home because the hospital was an hour away. He will likely do the same this time around. I'll survive.

vintageutopia · February 2013

I'm sorry. If you are really worried about being home alone with a newborn, could you ask your mom, MIL, or friend to stop by daily and see you?

mrsf123 · February 2013

DH was on a big project when DD was born, so while he technically had the days off, they really needed him. I Had her on a Saturday and he took off Monday and went in to work on Tuesday.

We hired a baby nurse to help me. Can you hire a baby nurse or a post-pardom doula?

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