How do you explain re: multiple pregnancy...

new+tothis · February 2013

I had preterm labor while pregnant with my first DS. I was on bed rest from 33 weeks on. I'm afraid the same thing will happen for this pregnancy. If people invite you to activities that will occur later in pregnancy do you mention the possibility of bed rest? What if they don't seem to get it? Am I being unrealistic?

My grand-MIL is turning 100 this year. I'll be 30 weeks. I'm expected to celebrate for 2 days out of town with little to no rest opportunities. They seem to brush it off when I say I may be on bed rest or not able to go. I'm MOH for my BFF the week after the b-day at 31 weeks. She also knows bed rest is a possibility but is still planning on me helping setting up and cooking for 30 people.

OctGirl80 · February 2013

I would explain the possibility and tell your BFF that she needs to have a back-up plan just in case. Other than that, i don't think there is anything you can do to make them understand.

Cinnamon Haze · February 2013

Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.

Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.

cl!!!

macchiatto · February 2013

Whoa. I would just let them know that twin pregnancies are not like singleton pregnancies, that it's much harder on your body to cook two babies at once and by the third tri you'll be a lot bigger and more uncomfortable than if you were carrying one baby. I really was not able to do that much physically by 30w, and by 34w I couldn't even walk to the bathroom without ending up doubled over in painful contractions (so essentially my body put me on modified BR from 34w through delivery). I would also let them know it's really important to take it easy because your risk of PTL is very high, and that you'll do what you can but to have flexible expectations and you'll just have to see how you're doing by that point. The MOH thing really should maybe be reconsidered. Even if you're not on BR or having PTL you might not feel up to it. I totally agree with not letting people bully you into doing things; listen to your body and your doctor and don't push past what's healthy for you and the babies.

macchiatto · February 2013

Cinnamon Haze:
Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.
Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.
cl!!!

Even without serious complications, she may be advised not to travel or may have a difficult time doing a lot by that point in pregnancy. I had healthy full-term twins with zero complications, but I still had a fair amount of limitations, especially from 30w on. Things can also go from smooth sailing to big problems quickly with a multiples pregnancy, so I think OP is wise to be prepared for the possibilities and not have people counting on her with no backup plan when she's that far along, especially with a history of PTL.

Dragonfly1226 · February 2013

I am not even 24 weeks into a (so far) uneventful twin pregnancy, and both these things sound like they would be difficult for me even now. I could probably handle the wedding if I sat whenever possible but no way could I help se tup and cook for 30 people. A two day celebration with little to no rest sounds difficult too. You are still very early though. I would talk to your doctor about these events as you get further along. In the meantime, I think you need to be direct about the situation - especially with your BFF. I also think people will be more understanding as you get bigger and obviously more uncomfortable. GL!

new+tothis · February 2013

Thanks! I was starting to think I was crazy for reminding them that I might not be able to do everything they think when I'm that far along. I figure it's not really my problem if they expect me to do things for them that I can't do as long as I give them plenty of notice that I probably won't be able to.

MamaHook · February 2013

30 weeks is definitely when I hit my wall. I also just hit a double brick wall this week at 37 weeks, LOL!

After 30 weeks my doctor wouldn't let me travel an hour away from the hospital and there's no way I would have. I was just so exhausted. I also was supposed to be in my BFF's wedding at 32 weeks and I had to how out. I still attended the wedding, helped throw her shower, got mani/pedis but I am so glad I wasn't in the wedding. I just couldn't have made it.

zombiemommy · February 2013

Everyone is different, but I had a relatively "easy" twin pregnancy, and I def wouldn't have been up for either of those things. I'd count on not doing them, to be perfectly frank. If people question it, there are plenty of books and articles you can direct them to. Modified bed rest is standard for twins past 26 weeks with my OB, which basically meant I had to be on the couch or in bed as soon as I came home from work. Trust me, I wanted to be.

Cinnamon Haze · February 2013

macchiatto:
Cinnamon Haze:
Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.
Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.
cl!!!
Even without serious complications, she may be advised not to travel or may have a difficult time doing a lot by that point in pregnancy. I had healthy full-term twins with zero complications, but I still had a fair amount of limitations, especially from 30w on. Things can also go from smooth sailing to big problems quickly with a multiples pregnancy, so I think OP is wise to be prepared for the possibilities and not have people counting on her with no backup plan when she's that far along, especially with a history of PTL.

First, just wanted to say I meant 'gl' not 'cl' that was a typo at the end of my post.

Second, Im not sure what your point was in quoting me PP. It's the same thing. At 7 weeks no one needs to plan their social life 7 months out. Just dont commit. Like I said there are plenty of women that have had twins and feel up to doing that and some that wouldnt even dream of it.

As far as what a Dr

'let's you do' ...... Dr's do not baby sit you. They use general recommendations.

Thanks tho!

And again gl OP.

macchiatto · February 2013

Cinnamon Haze:
macchiatto:
Cinnamon Haze:
Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.
Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.
cl!!!
Even without serious complications, she may be advised not to travel or may have a difficult time doing a lot by that point in pregnancy. I had healthy full-term twins with zero complications, but I still had a fair amount of limitations, especially from 30w on. Things can also go from smooth sailing to big problems quickly with a multiples pregnancy, so I think OP is wise to be prepared for the possibilities and not have people counting on her with no backup plan when she's that far along, especially with a history of PTL.
First, just wanted to say I meant 'gl' not 'cl' that was a typo at the end of my post.
Second, Im not sure what your point was in quoting me PP. It's the same thing. At 7 weeks no one needs to plan their social life 7 months out. Just dont commit. Like I said there are plenty of women that have had twins and feel up to doing that and some that wouldnt even dream of it.
As far as what a Dr
'let's you do' ...... Dr's do not baby sit you. They use general recommendations.
Thanks tho!
And again gl OP.

I was responding more to your second paragraph, though I agree with your first that this early in pregnancy, it's hard to commit to something that far in advance. It sounded like you thought this would only be an issue if she had serious complications and I was just saying I think those types of commitments that far in a twin pregnancy could be problematic for any MoM for the reasons listed (even more so if she had PTL with her singleton), not just for moms with serious complications. The grandma's birthday thing might not be that big a deal to back out of at the last minute but MOH is a pretty big commitment so I was affirming OP that I think it's wise to think it through this early for the sake of the bride and planning. Not trying to argue or put you down at all; just sharing another perspective on those points based on my own experiences from third tri and the MoMs I've known.

And re doctors, I said "may be advised not to," not anything about what your doctor "lets you do." You're right, they don't make rules but they give recommendations/advice based both on general guidelines and your specific history and circumstances.

Raggedy1 · February 2013

My 2 cents... I am having a completely uncomplicated pregnancy so far, but at almost 28 weeks now if I were asked to do those things I would have to decline. I know I would never have the energy for it.

zombiemommy · February 2013

Cinnamon Haze:
macchiatto:
Cinnamon Haze:
Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.
Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.
cl!!!
Even without serious complications, she may be advised not to travel or may have a difficult time doing a lot by that point in pregnancy. I had healthy full-term twins with zero complications, but I still had a fair amount of limitations, especially from 30w on. Things can also go from smooth sailing to big problems quickly with a multiples pregnancy, so I think OP is wise to be prepared for the possibilities and not have people counting on her with no backup plan when she's that far along, especially with a history of PTL.
First, just wanted to say I meant 'gl' not 'cl' that was a typo at the end of my post.
Second, Im not sure what your point was in quoting me PP. It's the same thing. At 7 weeks no one needs to plan their social life 7 months out. Just dont commit. Like I said there are plenty of women that have had twins and feel up to doing that and some that wouldnt even dream of it.
As far as what a Dr
'let's you do' ...... Dr's do not baby sit you. They use general recommendations.
Thanks tho!
And again gl OP.

Sure, the doc doesn't "let you" do anything, but following general recommendations is probably a big part of while I was able to carry my boys to 37 weeks. They make recommendations based on years of research and experience, so I do think that it would be unwise to disregard advice and regret it in the long run. Better safe than sorry, especially in a multiples pregnancy.

I also have to say that as someone who has been through a m/c, it kind of sounds like you're saying "it's too early to be making plans" in a negative way, which is sort of uncool. For the wedding thing she has to be proactive.

I understand that many people have different experiences with twin pregnancies, but considering you haven't been to 30 weeks yet, I'm not sure you're really the best authority here.

I know this makes me sounds like a b----, but I was a little irritated by the tone of your messages. The OP was only trying to be proactive, which I think is the right call for the sake of herself and her friend.

ks3pink · February 2013

zombiemommy:
Cinnamon Haze:
macchiatto:
Cinnamon Haze:
Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.
Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps. 
cl!!!
Even without serious complications, she may be advised not to travel or may have a difficult time doing a lot by that point in pregnancy. I had healthy full-term twins with zero complications, but I still had a fair amount of limitations, especially from 30w on. Things can also go from smooth sailing to big problems quickly with a multiples pregnancy, so I think OP is wise to be prepared for the possibilities and not have people counting on her with no backup plan when she's that far along, especially with a history of PTL.
First, just wanted to say I meant 'gl' not 'cl' that was a typo at the end of my post. 
Second, Im not sure what your point was in quoting me PP. It's the same thing. At 7 weeks no one needs to plan their social life 7 months out. Just dont commit. Like I said there are plenty of women that have had twins and feel up to doing that and some that wouldnt even dream of it.
As far as what a Dr
'let's you do' ...... Dr's do not baby sit you. They use general recommendations.
Thanks tho!
And again gl OP.  
Sure, the doc doesn't "let you" do anything, but following general recommendations is probably a big part of while I was able to carry my boys to 37 weeks. They make recommendations based on years of research and experience, so I do think that it would be unwise to disregard advice and regret it in the long run. Better safe than sorry, especially in a multiples pregnancy.
I also have to say that as someone who has been through a m/c, it kind of sounds like you're saying "it's too early to be making plans" in a negative way, which is sort of uncool. For the wedding thing she has to be proactive.
I understand that many people have different experiences with twin pregnancies, but considering you haven't been to 30 weeks yet, I'm not sure you're really the best authority here. 
I know this makes me sounds like a b----, but I was a little irritated by the tone of your messages. The OP was only trying to be proactive, which I think is the right call for the sake of herself and her friend.

All of this. If my doc said no I didn't do it. It's called sacrificing for your kids and believe me with multiples pregnancy is only the beginning of the sacrifices.

violaplayer · February 2013

zombiemommy:

Sure, the doc doesn't "let you" do anything, but following general recommendations is probably a big part of while I was able to carry my boys to 37 weeks. They make recommendations based on years of research and experience, so I do think that it would be unwise to disregard advice and regret it in the long run. Better safe than sorry, especially in a multiples pregnancy.
I also have to say that as someone who has been through a m/c, it kind of sounds like you're saying "it's too early to be making plans" in a negative way, which is sort of uncool. For the wedding thing she has to be proactive.
I understand that many people have different experiences with twin pregnancies, but considering you haven't been to 30 weeks yet, I'm not sure you're really the best authority here.
I know this makes me sounds like a b----, but I was a little irritated by the tone of your messages. The OP was only trying to be proactive, which I think is the right call for the sake of herself and her friend.

We can biitches together, as the tone of the message was also disturbing to me. Multiples pregnancies, even without complications, are just physically harder. Planning ahead is a smart move, given the unpredictable nature of how someone may feel at 30w.

And while your doctor isn't your babysitter, it is silly to ignore their advice and experience.

Reilly626 · February 2013

I was beat at 28 weeks and swollen and put out of work at 30 a twin pregnancy is completely different from a singleton.

s0ulchicken · February 2013

zombiemommy:
Everyone is different, but I had a relatively "easy" twin pregnancy,nbsp; and I def wouldn't have been up for either of those things. I'd count on not doing them, to be perfectly frank. If people question it, there are plenty of books and articles you can direct them to. Modified bed rest is standard for twins past 26 weeks with my OB, which basically meant I had to be on the couch or in bed as soon as I came home from work. Trust me, I wanted to be.

Exactly this!

My twin pregnancy was fairly uneventful as well, but past 30 weeks I had little interest in doing anything other than resting every chance I got.

katiebenes · February 2013

I'd be more worried about travel restrictions. I know my doctor tells me they prefer no travel out of 1 hour starting at 26... or earlier if there are complications. (they also say their full term for twins is 38)

PumpkinAndThePeanut · February 2013

katiebenes:
I'd be more worried about travel restrictions. I know my doctor tells me they prefer no travel out of 1 hour starting at 26... or earlier if there are complications. they also say their full term for twins is 38

This. I agree with most of the PPs about the physical demands of the planned activities being too much, but I would be completely unwilling to leave my area after 28 weeks or so, unless there's a hospital with a level III NICU near where you're going. My shower was at 25 weeks because it was 4 hours away in my small hometown and I didn't want to travel any later than that.

And I'd definitely tell my friend I couldn't commit to being her MOH.

Brummy14 · February 2013

Just set expectations that things could go from great to worse overnight (hopefully they won't). For me, they did -- but I had set expectations with my employer over and over that this could be the case, so when it did, it's wasn't a major issue for them -- since we had prepared for the worst.

That's probably my best advice -- prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

Jen0204 · February 2013

For your friend's wedding I would tell her now that you won't be able to do it. Even if you feel great, setting up a wedding and cooking for it at 31 weeks just seems like an awful idea. How horrible would it be if you were feeling great and then all of that physical labor caused you to go into PTL? I get that this is your BFF, but the babies need to come first (and on that note, I hope that you ignore the PP and just do whatever your doctors advise rather then take the attitude of "no one tells me what to do!"). I would tell her now so that she can make alternative plans, rather then wait until the time comes to decide. It's not a situation where you're on bed rest and can't help or you're not on bed rest and can help - there are plenty of other reasons why you would not be able to help.

You could also mention all of this to your doctor now. I would just say "I know it's very early in my pregnancy but my family is making all kinds of plans for me. Can I just get your opinion on these things so that I can set their expectations accordingly?". Like another poster said, your OB might not want you traveling after a certain time. I was on bed rest from 26 weeks on, but I know my doctor wouldn't have wanted me traveling past 30 weeks and honestly I wouldn't have wanted to because I wouldn't have wanted to be somewhere far away. I wouldn't have wanted to deliver my babies at a far away hospital and have had to travel to see them in the NICU. But if your doctor says "no way!" then at least it's easier to shrug and say "the doctor said no, what can I do?". I blamed a lot on my OB (even stuff she didn't actually say).

Good luck!

KDR1979 · February 2013

Our OB knew how hard we worked to get pregnant, so she suggested that we stay within 2 hours of our hospital for the entire pregnancy. I was doing great, worked full time until 26 weeks and then worked part time from 26-30 weeks. At 30 weeks, their weights were off by ~25% (growth discordance) so I was on bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. All of my baby showers were from 24-28 weeks. My maternity photo shoot was at 29 weeks which ended up being perfect. My parents helped putting the nursery together when I was ~20 wks pregnant and I think we had it put together enough to have babies in it by the time I was ~26 weeks pregnant. By the time I was 32 weeks pregnant, I could barely move! At delivery, the babies combined weight was 11.5 lbs + 4 lbs of placenta. People really have no idea how much different a twin pregnancy is from a singleton!

Ann003 · February 2013

Cinnamon Haze:
Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.

My MFM told me that 40% of twin moms end up having to get magnesium and steroid shots. So while that isn't a majority, that's still a fair amount of women who may be going into PTL. That doesn't include other complications like pre-e.

My MFM didn't want me to fly past 24 weeks, so I told my family they wouldn't see my after Thanksgiving. I told everyone from the get-go that there was a chance of bed rest and/or PTL, so I wanted everything done by 28 weeks - and at 28 weeks I was put on bed rest. My 2nd trimester was great, but things went south fast after 26 weeks. I think you should be clear with your family and BFF that you will be there if you can, but there is a chance you will not be able to make it. Your BFF should not be counting on you doing anything but standing by your side. I hope you will be able to attend these wonderful events, but like PP said, your babies come first!

MrsLnt · February 2013

macchiatto:
Cinnamon Haze:
Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.
Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.
cl!!!
Even without serious complications, she may be advised not to travel or may have a difficult time doing a lot by that point in pregnancy. I had healthy full-term twins with zero complications, but I still had a fair amount of limitations, especially from 30w on. Things can also go from smooth sailing to big problems quickly with a multiples pregnancy, so I think OP is wise to be prepared for the possibilities and not have people counting on her with no backup plan when she's that far along, especially with a history of PTL.

All of this. I had zero complications, had di/di twins (so, theoretically lower risk) and still was wiped by 30 weeks. I quit working around then and my MFM said I shouldn't travel anywhere that I wasn't willing to deliver. Things can turn in an instant.

I agree that it's very wise to have backup plans for things, even this far out.

Mrs JillB · February 2013

Cinnamon Haze:
macchiatto:
Cinnamon Haze:
Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.
Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.
cl!!!
Even without serious complications, she may be advised not to travel or may have a difficult time doing a lot by that point in pregnancy. I had healthy full-term twins with zero complications, but I still had a fair amount of limitations, especially from 30w on. Things can also go from smooth sailing to big problems quickly with a multiples pregnancy, so I think OP is wise to be prepared for the possibilities and not have people counting on her with no backup plan when she's that far along, especially with a history of PTL.
First, just wanted to say I meant 'gl' not 'cl' that was a typo at the end of my post.
Second, Im not sure what your point was in quoting me PP. It's the same thing. At 7 weeks no one needs to plan their social life 7 months out. Just dont commit. Like I said there are plenty of women that have had twins and feel up to doing that and some that wouldnt even dream of it.
As far as what a Dr
'let's you do' ...... Dr's do not baby sit you. They use general recommendations.
Thanks tho!
And again gl OP.

I'm side eyeing the hell out of you right now.

pinkangelmoon · February 2013

I didn't read all responses but I'm pretty sure I will echo everyone on this one. I was due end of July and I pretty much did not make any plans for June or July. All my showers and maternity photos were late April/early May. Even then I was pretty exhausted by the end of them. I had no complications whatsoever but the feet swelling started early. If I was on my feet at all, my feet got swollen. I got my Dr to write me a note to work from home for the last 8 weeks because the long commute, the swelling, and all the walking would have been too much!

I would definitely reiterate to your friend that she should plan for you NOT to help set up and cook. And if you end up being able to help, then great. But best for her to find a replacement now than last minute.

QBall27 · February 2013

I agree with many of the PPs. I'm about 31 weeks right now with no complications (blood pressure is great, babies right on track, di/di, etc.) -- and I can't imagine cooking for 30 people or taking on any "extra" responsibilities right now, quite honestly. And I don't think it's odd to plan that far ahead, as that's what people do with weddings... So I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to explain to your BFF that, while you most definitely hope to be there by her side, she may need to make other arrangements because your status as her MOH will be dictated by what's going on with your body & your babies at that time.

As for the 100th birthday, if you can, maybe just wait & see how things are going at that time... Seems like they may be less reliant upon you, and hopefully you can modify your activity level or attendance based on what makes sense then.

Good luck!

BabyCarryingVessel · February 2013

Do not, repeat, DO NOT do the cooking and setting up for the wedding!! I had a great pregnancy but would have died if I had to do that.

raraavis28 · February 2013

Yeah, I would definitely tell your BFF to come up with a back-up plan and let your family know not exactly to count on you for the bday party either. Your health and the babies' health has to come first, and if you're feeling up to it and are allowed to travel, great, but I don't think it should be expected out of you that late in your pregnancy....and hells no on the cooking for 30 people at 31 weeks!! Trust me, even without complications, you will be super tired by then and should be taken care of as much as possible, not being made to take care of a bunch of other people!

I also think you're wise to plan ahead; even if it is far in the future it's responsible to let people know sooner rather than later and to seek advice. Hopefully your family and BFF will understand, but if they don't, don't be too surprised. My MIL got cheesed at DH and I b/c we didn't go to a Christmas get-together that was an hour away when I was just about 35 weeks.....turned out I went to L&D that night with false labor after doing nothing all day (imagine how it would have been to travel!) and then had my babies 5 days later. If there's one thing I've learned after a twin pregnancy it's that 1). there's no way to compare it to a singleton pregnancy and 2). people who have not btdt just don't understand this.

GL with your situation and I hope you have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy!

HisBelovedPrincess · February 2013

Cinnamon Haze:

Youre only 7 weeks I wouldnt waste time thinking about things so far out at this point. Anything can happen.

Ive heard and read about a lot more twin moms having pretty normal pregnancies compared to the amount of stories ive heard and read with any serious comps.

cl!!!

I agree lots of twin moms have 'normal' pregnancies...but that's probably because they listen to the advice of their doctors Or listen to their bodies and don't push it further than what it needs to go Congratulations on your twin pregnancy OP ...and PP Cinnamon Haze. Um, Cinnamon would you be a dear and come back when you are 31 weeks pregnant and let us know if You have the same energy then that you do now?

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