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February 2013 Moms
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Are we being ungrateful? need unbiased opinion

jschweitzer5jschweitzer5 member
in February 2013 Moms

I am due tomorrow and most of our families live pretty far away. My mother flew in on Sat hoping baby comes early, even tho he was showing no signs.before she booked her flights we told everyone that it would be just me and DH in the delivery room and we wanted first week just the two of us to figure it out. DH gets only a limited time off from work and wants to be home that week to help out. He doesn't ask for much and he's been super supportive throughout, even going to every drs appt. 

so here's the issue, Mom is only here until 3/2 and is trying to weasel her way to stay w us when baby is first home to "take advantage" while she is here and saying DH can take another week off. DH is saying no way... I did tell my mother to wait to book her flight until after the baby was born so she can make sure she has adequate visiting time after we had ours but she booked anyway..

what would you do? Stay to our plan? Should we just be thankful that she came and give her her way or stick to our plan that was clearly communicated. My mom is very opinionated and a bit pushy so this is typical for her.

 TIA:) 

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Re: Are we being ungrateful? need unbiased opinion

  • holly321holly321 member
    I would stick to your plan.  She completely disregarded your plans, and ignored your feelings, so IMO, she isn't there to help, she is the one being selfish.
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  • Kristie330Kristie330 member
    I would say you need to do what is right for you. That being said, we were of the same opinion and then my mom came anyway and I could not be more greatful. While it is important for you and dh to figure it out it is nice to have someone to take care of you! Help you with pp care , cook, clean , laundry, etc. mostly just keep an open mind and be willing to change your mind. But most of all do what feels right for YOU ! Good luck.
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  • wifeofadamwifeofadam member

    I would take the help, but I'm at the point of busyness in my life with my kids that it would be crazy of me to ever turn down help.  You and your DH can still bond with the baby and have alone time while your mom is there.  You could let your mom know that you want to spend certain times alone and she could either hang out by herself or go run errands for you and your DH. 

    But you have every right to want to be alone with your DH.  Different people want different things.

        
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  • bustdstuffbustdstuff member
    I agree with other posters. Stick to your plan, and just have the three of you at home. It's outrageous that she suggested that your husband take a different week off. Those first days are just as important for him as they are for you. If you want to bend in any way maybe let her come over for a couple of hours each day to help with household chores and meal preparation, but I wouldn't cave and let her stay with you.
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  • bumpuser7698452bumpuser7698452 member
    image+adamwife+:

    I would take the help, but I'm at the point of busyness in my life with my kids that it would be crazy of me to ever turn down help.  You and your DH can still bond with the baby and have alone time while your mom is there.  You could let your mom know that you want to spend certain times alone and she could either hang out by herself or go run errands for you and your DH. 

    But you have every right to want to be alone with your DH.  Different people want different things.

    I agree. Although, I think I'd still have her stay in a hotel for the first week as planned.

    We didn't want any visitors in the first week including my mom and MIL because we wanted that bonding time. They both ended up stopping by for a few visits and it was really nice to have a break and someone new to talk too. They would just hold the baby for an hour or so and it would give DH and I time to sit down together and EAT and shower. 

    As long as you draw clear lines about how long she can visit I think you may really appreciate the help.  

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  • kelly321kelly321 member
    imageknickerbockers:
    image+adamwife+:

    I would take the help, but I'm at the point of busyness in my life with my kids that it would be crazy of me to ever turn down help.  You and your DH can still bond with the baby and have alone time while your mom is there.  You could let your mom know that you want to spend certain times alone and she could either hang out by herself or go run errands for you and your DH. 

    But you have every right to want to be alone with your DH.  Different people want different things.

    I agree. Although, I think I'd still have her stay in a hotel for the first week as planned.

    We didn't want any visitors in the first week including my mom and MIL because we wanted that bonding time. They both ended up stopping by for a few visits and it was really nice to have a break and someone new to talk too. They would just hold the baby for an hour or so and it would give DH and I time to sit down together and EAT and shower. 

    As long as you draw clear lines about how long she can visit I think you may really appreciate the help.  

    This. And as for the hotel, you can even put a positive spin on it. When my mom came to help, we offered that she could stay with us, but she said she'd prefer to stay in a hotel because then she could get a good night's sleep and be awake during the day to give me a break from DD so I could nap. If she had stayed in the apartment with us, she also would have been awake and night and tired during the day. 


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

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  • jschweitzer5jschweitzer5 member

    Thanks everyone for the feedback. I really appreciate it. We did tell her she could come by during the day so she isn't shut out completely and she is staying at my sister's house which is about 25 minutes away so our plan isn't costing her anything but a rental car. I agree with the PP that we are open if we need the help and change our mind but that is on us, not her pushing us to do it, like we are obligated since she came all this way. Gotta love family some times...after this I have 6 weeks with my In-laws coming over from England staying with us. At least they are coming after my maternity leave is over:) 

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  • ilysarahdilysarahd member
    Stick to your plan! I'm having the same type of issues with our family, they all have their own ideas of what's going to happen. Only my husband will be in the delivery room with me! The hospital doesn't allow visitors for the first 2 hours after birth, I think we might say no one til 3hrs after. I don't want anyone staying with us once we're home. We want the first week to be just us! I'm really going to keep to my plan even if I have to get bitchy about it :) 

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  • Bride-hildaBride-hilda member
    I don't know what the relationship is between you and your mom, but if it were me I'd welcome all the help I could get that first week! That first week is a KILLER! I would have my DH take it off of work AND I would have my mom come and stay.
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