Need help with nap training (long)

pb_bride · February 2013

M is almost 3.5 months old.

He used to fight naps when he was younger. But for the past 4-5 weeks, going down for naps became a breeze. I use the same routine for every nap: once he starts rubbing his eyes/fussing, I swaddle, then bounce/sing for a few minutes until eyelids droopy, then put him down in the PnP napper awake. He usually protests & fights the swaddle for 15-30 sec but then relaxes and falls asleep within a minute. So the entire nap routine takes 5 minutes or so. He usually takes 2 1-hr naps early in the day, then a 3-hr nap in the late afternoon. (He will usually wake/stir at the 30-min mark but falls back asleep on his own.)

But since late last week, M started fighting naps again. I do the same routine, but it's taking a much longer time (20+ min) bouncing/singing to get his eyelids droop. When I put him down, instead of fussing a little, he breaks into full blown cry/scream. I pick him up, bounce/sing for another 20 mins, put him down, full blown cry. I have to resort to letting him suck my pinkie (he hates the paci) until he falls asleep, which can take 10-15 minutes. And then he wakes up right at the 30-min mark with full blown screaming.

As you can see, I ended up spending an entire day bouncing him, bending over the PnP to let him suck my finger, and M is still cranky and miserable because he's not getting enough sleep.

This evening when I was making dinner, M started rubbing his eyes while in the swing. I decided to just put him (and his lovey) in the napper unswaddled, to see if he can soothe himself to sleep.

As soon as I put him down, he started crying. Every 5 minutes I walk over to say, "M, it's okay" and rub his tummy with my hand. it doesn't calm him. Crying continues. At the 20 min mark, I picked him up and he stopped crying, but as soon as I put him down, he cried again. I continued the every-5-min soothing but he went on crying. he finally stopped after 1 hour - he was still awake, but not crying.

I don't know if this is the "right" way to nap train? Is he still too young to self-soothe? I just know that I cannot continue bouncing him for hours on end (my arms are killing me; he's 16 lbs), nor can I continue bending over the PnP to let him suck on my pinkie forever (my back is killing me too). Something needs to change or be done.

I cried for most of that 1 hour because it just breaks my heart to hear him cry... he cries so hard that he coughs on his secretions, and his shirt was all wet from sweating.

Any suggestions?

BTW, he doesn't fight sleep at night. We do a different routine in order to distinguish night time sleep from day time naps.

CallMeAl · February 2013

No advice since DD was exactly the same way at this age. I can only tell you it's a stage and probably won't last much longer. DD's naps got better when she got adjusted to the 4 month "I'm aware of everything and it's overwhelming!" stage. A lot of babies do keep the "witching hour" of melt down sometime between 5 and 7 PM until they are toddlers. I know DD is still a fussbucket during this time occasionally.

So, instead, I will offer you big squishy internet hugs and tell you that you can do it and that if you are doing your best, then that's all you can do!

hunterjumper102 · February 2013

We sleep trained C within the last 2 weeks because nap time and night time sleep was getting to be quite the ordeal. Sleep training at night helped with naps during the day. A couple things I would try is maybe he can't sleep in the pack and play down stairs while you are doing stuff anymore. C needs to be in his crib upstairs where I won't disturb him to nap. Also when we sleep trained we did the progressive waiting so instead of checking every 5 minutes do 5, then 10, then 20 etc. Also I read Dr. Ferber's book for naps he recommends not letting them cry for more than 30min. So after 30min of crying and checking I pick him up and wait until he starts to act sleepy again and then start all over.

I don't think he is too young to be able to self soothe but I would leave him unswaddled if you are going to nap train. I noticed C sucks on his hands to self soothe so if he was swaddled he couldn't do that and it would make the crying worse.

Also something that helped was my mindset. I finally just decided I was done fighting with him to get him to sleep. If he wants to sleep he will if not then instead of spending an hour trying to get him down I would just let him stay awake until he would fall asleep on his own. I hope things get better!

TJ1979 · February 2013

Hugs pb. I'm so sorry, sleep issues are so hard! I don't really have any advice, as my only trick is to nurse her to sleep. Which I'm sure is part of our whole problem. MH's trick is to put her in the swing, turn it on as high as it will go, turn on the music and the mobile, then turn on the vacuum cleaner. Sometimes it works like a miracle, sometimes she just screams and we take her out and wait a little longer. Maybe he's getting old enough that he doesn't need that long of naps? How long does he sleep at night? E sleeps from 8-5:30, so 9 hours over night, and takes two 30 minute naps and an hour nap, so a total of 11 hours per day. How much is M sleeping? GL hon, I hope it gets better soon.

sbrowns08 · February 2013

Sleep is a huge clusterfluck at our house, so I don't necessarily have advice....

My son is 19 weeks today and I'm just starting sleep logs from The No-Cry Sleep Solution so I can get an idea of what the heck to do next. I'm hoping by writing it down for a few days I can identify some patterns and work on one or two things at a time.

I will tell you that Isaac needs to either be nursed to sleep or rocked to sleep for about ten minutes before I can lay him in his crib. We have yet to master the "go to sleep drowsy" theory.

pb_bride · February 2013

Thanks for your replies. I think I will start putting him down for naps upstairs in his crib from now on. I agree that there's too much distraction in the PnP in the living room, even though I am as quiet as a mouse (but I'm tired of tiptoeing around the house even with the white noise on)!

I also think I am starting his first nap too late... I was letting him go 2.5-3 hrs before putting him down for his first nap. I was doing some 'net reading last night and it sounds like by the time the baby rubs his eyes, he is already overtired. And when the baby is overtired, their nap tends to be shorter too (kind of contradictory but that's what the "experts" say). I'm going to aim for just under 2 hours before putting him down.

I am going to start "training" tomorrow and keep a log of what happens. Maybe if he naps better during the day, he'll sleep better at night as well.

ELF4321 · February 2013

At that age, I would aim for 90 minutes between wake up and 1st nap, then 2 hours between wake up and subsequent naps. 2-2.5 hours for bedtime. That's what Sleep Easy recommends at that age.

Also, as far as any type of CIO training, your LO is still a little young. Both Sleep Easy and Ferber recommend waiting until at least 5 months (Ferber actually recommends 6 months, but says you can do it earlier if you really need to).

Naps are a lot harder to get right because their biological drive to sleep isn't as strong during the day as it is at night. DD didn't stop fighting naps or take any longer than 30 minute naps until she was almost 7 months.

Good luck!

OceanBreeze1 · February 2013

I would agree with putting him down a lot sooner. It took us a while to figure out that once dd was rubbing her eyes, she was well past the window of being overtired.

Good luck, it's so rough when nap time is hard!

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