Bummed today

lovebug33 · February 2013

Maybe because I'm sick and maybe because I read all the answers to the GTKY, but I am just bummed about the fact that I will never get the birth experience I want. I am going to have to have a repeat c/s and I will never get that moment where I get to hold my LO for the first time after she is born. This time I didn't get her for five hours but the earliest I will get to see her is almost 2 hours after she is born. I called all the hospitals I could deliver at and that is their policy, so nothing will change if I change hospitals. I'm not even pg again and it just makes me sad. I feel like so much has been taken away from me with IF and doing IVF to get pg. I know I've posted this before, but I just wonder if it will ever get better. People tell me I need to get over it and Boo is perfect and that is all that matters, but I wanted more. Okay, I'm going to go eat Doritos and drink Mountain Dew and make myself feel better!

TJ1979 · February 2013

Sorry you're feeling down. IF sucks!

mystic_J · February 2013

I say this with nothing but the best intentions: It seems like you are having a really hard time with this and it hasn't gotten better. Have you considered speaking to someone about this? I just feel like you need to get some peace about this before your next pregnancy, or these feelings are going to sour the moments you still can enjoy about the pregnancy.

Also, I am not quite sure I am understanding why you cannot hold your LO until 2 to 5 hours after your c-section. I also had a C-section, and was holding my DS within the hour. Is there some kind of complication preventing you from this? Do you have to be sedated unconscious for C-section? From everything I have read about RCS, they usually go much more smoothly than an emergency C-section since they are scheduled.

lovebug33 · February 2013

The two hours is hospital policy. C/s babies are more fragile according to the person I spoke to and have to monitored. I didn't get her for five hours because they were idiots basically.

IBackBevo · February 2013

I hear ya. I saw LO when they pulled him out of my belly via c-section and then didn't see him for another 12+ hours since he was in the NICU. No one was holding him or loving him during that time and I wondered if it affected him. However, when I think about those poor NICU Moms that can't hold their babies for days (or weeks) then I am just thankful that the delay was as short as it was. I know this probably doesn't make you feel any better--sort of like how hearing about someone who had a harder IF journey doesn't make anyone else feel any less bad about their own journey--so I don't mean to downplay your emotions in anyway.

Are you sure there isn't anyway for them to make an exception to the rule? Or that no other hospital would allow this? At my hospital, even though I had a c-section, they would have allowed LO come to come to recovery with me IF he had not had to go to the NICU. And my cousin had a c-section where she was completely under general anesthesia and they bought her the baby as soon as she was awake to nurse.

Alternatively, if that is just the rule, is there anything that could be done to at least make the wait seem less bad? For example, could DH go with the baby and video tape it with his phone and send it to you immediately?

lovebug33 · February 2013

i forgot that this time dh could be with her. Last time we had the baby during shift change and dh couldn't be with her. This time it will be planned so probably not during shift change. That does make me feel a little better.

itsmevkb · February 2013

I had a similar feeling after the birth of my first. There were some complications during the delivery and then my son was rushed off the NICU. I remember me yelling "can I at least see him" as the nurse was taking him out of the room because I hadn't even seen him yet. She brought him over to me and showed me his face for half a second and then they were off. I felt bad for long time about not getting to hold him even though logically I knew his health was more important.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I understand and although I doubt it will make you feel better, just know that things don't always go the way you want with a vaginal delivery either. I do get that would up your odds of getting to hold your baby quicker, but unfortunately there's never a guarantee.

Is there any chance for you to try a VBAC?

What kind of Doritos are you having? I always eat the Cool Ranch with a Mountain Dew.

pb_bride · February 2013

lovebug, I'm so sorry that my GTKY post made you feel all sad and bummed. I hope your area hospitals policy will change in the near future... where I gave birth, the hospital is very pro-baby and pro-BF. They put M on me for BFing < 1 hour after he was born, when we were both in the recovery room. I have never heard of a 2 hour policy.

lovebug33 · February 2013

It's me: stupid cvs had no mtn dew. So cherry coke and regular Doritos!
Pb: totally not your fault! I think I need to just stop reading certain things and if I'm not thinking about it constantly it will eventually go away!
You ladies are so helpful!

Saraevh · February 2013

That stinks that you feel bad about this months later. That is so strange that you can't hold LO for that long after birth? My friend just had a c-section and she told me not only did she opt to not have the screen up, but they also laid her LO on her chest immediately! I couldn't believe it.

I know this doesn't help your feelings right now, but in the end all that really matters is that everyone is healthy and safe. I hope you can find a way to get past this.

erkie · February 2013

I didnt post my birth story, but here it is so you know you are not alone. I had an emergency c-section and I only got to catch a glimpse of her while she was rushed to be suctioned. After 5 minutes they took her to the NICU for a chest x-ray and DH went with her. They brought her back to me in recovery to try and nurse her maybe 20 minutes later. She wouldn't latch to me or the bottle and spit up everything they gave her, even through a dropper so she went back to the NICU due to dangerously low blood sugar. After she went to the NICU, I didn't see her until the next morning (12 hours) when I could get out of bed. DH did go down there that night and so did my parents and brothers. It definitely was not the way we planned, but I can't dwell on that because there is no way to change it.

Had everything gone well, I'd have gotten to hold her in the OR while being sewed up and she'd have stayed with us in recovery, never leaving us. I don't know why the policy of 2 hours exists at those hospitals you talked to. Maybe consider moving?

It might also help to get some counseling, because I don't think it's something you can just get over like people have suggested. It sounds like this deeply affected you and is interfering still with your day to day life. Just know that we are here for you.

Pnut30 · February 2013

I am so sorry you are having a hard time with it. I hope you are able to get support for what happened and I really really hope you are able to make a game plan that you at least feel a bit better about for next time.

Dragonfly1226 · February 2013

I hate when people try to invalidate your feelings like that. The way you feel is valid, and I think I will have similar feelings if I end up having to have a c section with the twins. (((((hugehugs)))))

KaliChick · February 2013

I'm just catching up after not being on the boards for days ... I, too, had an unplanned c-section. I often think about the "what ifs" and let myself have the moments of sadness of never getting to experience pushing a baby out. Then I snap out of it and look at my adorable little boy and am just so grateful he's here, however he entered the world. My OB has said any future pregnancies would be a RCS, not that I plan on having another. The stars would have to be aligned just right for me to have a VBAC but I now understand why women push for it. I can see myself asking about letting me try too.

I think if after 5 months it's still consuming you, you might need to chat with someone about your feelings. It's okay to grieve over the "what should/could have been" and have the feelings you are, but you also have to deal with the reality of what it was.

As for not holding your baby for 2 hours ... that's just nuts. I held our little boy within about 40 minutes of him being born. I held him in recovery (not while they stitched me but as soon as they were done and I was put in a recovery room).

Hang in there ... it's tough to let go of the experience you wished/dreamed you had.

hunterjumper102 · February 2013

I feel ya! I felt/feel the same way. I was so disappointed in my body when I had to have a c-section. First I can't get pregnant and now I can't even go through labor. I didn't see C for 4 hours after he was born and I hated it. I miss getting to have that moment where I can hold him for the first time. IF sucks even after you have a baby! Big hugs!!

4legsRbest · February 2013

Lovebug, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. The muppet's birth was so traumatic for me it has made me question whether or not we will have another. He was born emergency c-section after an acute placental abruption and I had a med free birth at a birth center planned. It does seem with my miscarriage, IF, IVF and the c-section that someone played a cruel joke on me but I am trying to make amends for the future.

I know this is what you need right now, but a friend sent it to me after the Mups was born so I will share it with you:

Always remember that children are born exactly the way they need to be born. We are born into this lifetime to grow, and it is only through experience we grow. Once labor starts, the process is bigger than one person's plan. Sometimes a soul coming through needs a certain experience for its journey, or maybe the mother needs it for her, or the father for his. We call it a complication, but it is a thread among the many thousands of threads that create the rich tapestry of a life.

Huge hugs to you momma - I know how hard this is to right in your mind and we are always here for you!

imoverit · February 2013

Sorry. Hugs!!

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