DH...

amd1982 · February 2013

So let me preface this post by saying we are pretty frugal people and my husband is never really one to "go out with the guys." Story begins:

So dh has to go away for work next week for three nights. I am having my mom come stay with me because I'm not ready to be alone at night with 6 week twins. No big deal. Now dh says that he was invited to a bachelor party a week and a half later for a guy he hung out with in college. He hasn't seen thus guy since our wedding 3.5 years ago. But feels "guilty" that we aren't going to his destination wedding in may. I know dh never really has guy time and I know I should be cool and just let it go. But I find myself feeling a little annoyed. I think it's just bc it's not one of his super close friends. I think dh allows this guy to make him feel guilty and it's ridiculous. The bachelor party is at a casino overnight and no doubt they'll all be getting wasted. I'm also concerned that dh will be super hungover and will be no help when he gets home. We've discussed and he assures me that won't be the case although past situations have proved otherwise. Thoughts?

He's already offered not to go but I don't want him being resentful....

amd1982 · February 2013

Oops sorry. The frugal part pertained to the fact that I know the party is going to be a bunch of money.

caden · February 2013

I think you should let him go and the following week do something fun for yourself.

new+tothis · February 2013

Can you compromise? He can go but he only spends X amount of money and you get to do something fun while he watches the kids? I can understand why he wants to go even though he hasn't seen his friend for so long but I also get why you don't really want him to go.

LISAF1197 · February 2013

Let him go. I think it would be fair for you guys to agree on a spending cap though if it's at a casino. I would suggest not to get frustrated with him going out and having a good time, even if that means having a few too many drinks. Let's face it, he probably needs it and won't do it again for a very long time. In turn, you should make plans to do something for yourself the following weekend, or a few weeks later.

OctGirl80 · February 2013

I agree with several things PP said. I'd sit down with him and discuss it and see how it goes. There should definitely be a limit of how much money he spends at the casino and I think it only fair that you get some time for your self as well, maybe a spa day (mani, pedi, massage).

Ann003 · February 2013

Are you concerned because of the $$ or because he won't be around? Or both? If you don't want him to go, you should be honest and lay out the reasons why. You can try to set limits on $$, but honestly if he's drunk he may not remember (I speak from experience - my DH is notorious for spending lots of $$ when drunk). I understand why you don't want him to go on a trip he feels "guilted" into going on. Maybe ask him if this guy is really worth the time away from you and the kids and the money it will cost. I get if he wants to blow off some steam, but maybe not this particular trip?

groovygrl · February 2013

If you have family nearby who can help (sounds like you do) I agree to just let it go & let him go... one night is no big deal and the other thing is for work right? It is hard w/ 6 week olds but if your mom helps is it really worth any sort of disagreement over 1 night? Talk to him about the $, to please not drink too much b/c you expect him to be 'on' by the next evening and then hopefully you can take a day shortly after to have some you time.

Is it possible that he will be hanging out w/ other friends that he wants to see too not just the groom? Maybe he's feeling overwhelmed w/ all that is going on & just needs a night out w/ friends... you should get that too, dont get me wrong but I dont know that I could blame him if so. If it were a pattern & happening a lot, different story, but one night once in awhile doesnt seem like a huge deal to me.

GL!

ShopperKristi · February 2013

Honestly, with 6 week olds I would have said HEEEEELLLL to the no if it were my husband haha. That time was insane for both of us and I don't think either of us would have wanted the other gone especially at night. I finally went away for a girls weekend (one night) a couple weeks ago and our boys are almost 6 months. Before about 4-5 months I don't think either of us had the balls to even consider leaving the other alone. Now that they are SSTN it is a whole different ball game and I'd be cool with it. Had my H asked at that age though I probably would have let him go but been super bitter about it. Just being honest!

Good luck working it out!

lunatwo · February 2013

I decided a while ago that our marriage works better when I don't deprive him of things he wants to do. I think guys can be overwhelmed by having a new family and making him skip anything fun will only remind him that his life has completely changed. I think it's OK to each take a small break and have a little fun so that you can feel "normal". I agree with PP's that you should do something for yourself in return.

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