HI!
I don't really have anyone in my life who is interested in listening to my dilemma...or at least willing to listen long enough to help. Heard this was the place to go!
I am a third year law student and my husband is Army infantry stationed in South Korea. We know we want a family, he even more than I. The timing is what has me worked up. I am 29. We are realizing that he will likely be deployed in some fashion or another for the next three years. Do we wait for him to finish out his contract? Do we just get started right away? What if we wait and have trouble conceiving, as I age. What if we have no trouble and I am left raising a baby by myself and he misses everything. I guess I am just wondering how this worked for any of you. Is it horrible dealing with the pregnancy alone?
Thanks!
Re: to wait or not to wait?
Hey, hey! Calm down. I think you are getting yourself worked up about a lot of things before they even happen.
One, he won't deploy for three years straight. Two, you have no idea whether or not you will have fertility problems. You might, but you might not. Twenty-nine isn't necessarily old. I became pregnant the first month trying, at age 30, and had my son at 31, no problems or complications. Three, like many women before and after me, I went through most of the pregnancy, and the birth, alone. In addition, we have endured three more deployments (two for my husband, one for me) and countless TDYs. It can be done. It's not easy, but it happens all the time. And your coping skills only improve exponentially as time goes on.
Still, you need to decide what is right for you. Not everyone wants to raise a family in a military lifestyle, and that's OK! It is not easy or ideal, and we understand that. If you don't want to raise a child with the possibility of your husband being gone a lot, then don't. My advice? He (and his unit) know better than anyone how often he'll deploy or go TDY. Have him talk to them, or talk to you, about what his future might hold. Also, you can see a doc and talk to them about fertility, and they can do their best to assess you and your current health.
Being alone during pregnancy is not bad if it's uncomplicated. Really. With complications, yes, you might need assistance. But don't fret over something that hasn't happened yet. Try to breathe, think through this rationally, and ask the right questions to the right people so you can make an informed decision. Good luck!
9/26/10 stopped BCP and started TTC.
9/2011 referred to RE. All blood work normal and DH's SA=normal results
11/2011 HSG=both tubes clear
One natural (monitored) cycle of Clomid, 50mg 2/2012= BFN
Getting ready for first IUI, 3/2012 received orders to Japan! (postponed IUI)
5/2012 Moved to Japan, fought Tricare for months over referral (no fertility treatment on our military base) for Japanese RE out in town!
8/2012 Started seeing new RE
9/2012, post coital test= hostile cervical fluid, (finally) moving on with first IUI!
9/29/2012 IUI #1+trigger= BFN
10/27/2012 IUI #2+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger= BFN
11/28/2012 IUI #3+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger= BFN
12/28/2012 IUI#4+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger=BFN
2/1/2013 IUI#5+injectables+trigger=BFN
3/2013 IUI#6+injectables+trigger=???