Are you going back to work after the baby is born?

Emeraldeyed315 · February 2013

My DH and I keep going back and forth about what to do. I work an hour away (1 hour each way) and am in my first year in the job. I do not love it. I want to be a SAHM, but we cannot afford that and keep our current lifestyle. On the other hand if I do go back, my salary is a wash because of DC costs. The only difference is part the money going into my retirement account directly from my paycheck.

If I do decide to quit my job, I'd need to find something else to do part time (either tutor, find an hourly job a night or 2 a week, etc so we can still save something each month.) I'm also afraid if I leave my job, it will tarnish my resume. My gut keeps telling me to stay at home though...

What are you planning to do? Are you as on the fence as I am? I wish there was a clear cut "right" way to go.

WildRumpus · February 2013

I'm looking at nannying options that will allow me to take baby w/ me. It would be at a slightly lower rate, but it would still be less than the cost of daycare. Most of the families that work w/ the agency I'm interested in pay equal to or more than my current job, and offer some form of benefits as far as sick days and vacation time. I work 1 to 11pm and DH works 10am to 8pm, so traditional daycare would be a no go for us anyway.

plunderb · February 2013

Do you have plans for a future career in the field of your current job? If so, leaving will have repercussions for your future advancement, as well as for your current budget. But you say that you don't love it and that it's a long commute, so maybe this is a golden opportunity to reevaluate your long-term plans.

I will be staying home for the first year, then applying for jobs in my field. I'm lucky that we can live on DH's job alone, though.

Kelly_12 · February 2013

I'm definitely going back to work after my maternity leave.

Yes the cost of daycare for those first couple of years pretty much is just paid by my salary not leaving too much extra...but in the long run it makes the most sense. If you take a few years off work to raise the baby until it's in school or whatever, returning to work after several years off will be much harder. The gap in your resume is very hard to fill, and lack of experience.

It really depends on what type of work you do as well.. if you're in a 'career' then taking the time off for a few years could be a really bad idea. If you just work at a 'job' and can pick up any job like that again, then it's not so much of an issue right. Not at all am I saying a "job" is less important than a "career" type of work.. I'm just saying it would be easier to find a whatever job with a gap in work history, then a specific career job that you will have lost important years at.

magdalina.h · February 2013

The thought of being a SAHM makes my skin crawl. I love my child more than anything, but our relationship would be awful if we didn't have time apart. It's my personality and it appears his is similar.

I'm also not willing to give up our extras, but we are fortunate that my MIL watches Lucas and she doesn't charge much.

MommyAmes2 · February 2013

I have been a SAHM since my daughter was born. So over 6 years. I have always wanted to stay home. We made the necessary down grading in order for it to happen. My husband now makes over double what he made 6 years ago. So he can provide for us very well. Plus our area has a very low cost of living.

Sounds like you are on the right track! Figuring out your finances is a good first step. If you can not live on one salary alone, then finding ways to make extra money (such as a part time job) is a great idea.

Just make a list of pros and cons. Figure out if it is realistic and decide what is best for your family. Good luck!

Moosesoar · February 2013

Yes, but part time. I'm lucky I have family around me that can help out a few days a week.

kcox123 · February 2013

I have always returned to work b/c I wanted to so I cannot totally relate but based on what you are saying it sounds like you should be looking now for some alternative options for after baby comes. Retirement is hugely important but I'm not sure that alone would be worth being away from your kid for 9-10 hours a day (work plus commute) if you truely want to SAH. You will just be miserable.

Going back was very clear cut for me even though with each baby it is always terribly hard those first few weeks dropping them off at daycare... and pumping at work makes me question the logic almost every time I have to do it... But I get annoyed with my own kids after a 3 day weekend. Just being honest. I need some uniterrupted time where I'm not being asked "Mommy, mommy, mommy... I need a, she won't stop looking at me, I need a new diaper, I want a show on, read to me, etc. etc etc. Love my kids but I have always known I was not meant to be a SAHM.

MrsSteSte · February 2013

I am not on the fence at all. I love my job, and went to school slash accrued a lot of debt to get the career I have today. I would be a crazy person if I stayed home, and that's not good for anyone.

We'll be doing DC for at least a year or so, but we hope eventually for my H to stay home. He makes significantly less than I do, and I carry all our benefits. His hours also suck. In a few years with my raises and some changes and sacrifices, we should be able to have him home and still have money going into savings and not give EVERYTHING up. Unless some major changes happen with his job. We want our future children to have better lives than we did, like most everyone does.

NetPetal · February 2013

If you have the opportunity to - stay home. You'll never get this time back with your LO.

Laurakat81 · February 2013

I was a teacher for four years and actually quit just over a year ago. I was working in a really rough school and honestly, I hated it. At the time my income was all "extra" so we were blessed that we didn't take a huge hit with necessities but our lifestyle definitely changed quite a bit. No more vacations without a LOT of planning and saving (ha, who am i kidding, what vacations? Stick out tongue ), hardly ever eat out, cancelled and downgraded a few things like cable, cell phones, etc. But in the end we've really made it work.

I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM. But since we weren't having any luck in that department I did find a part time job five minutes from home that I love. No stress, nothing to bring home. So that brings in a little bit of "extra" income, but we've basically used all of it to pay off medical bills and pay extra on things like our car note so that we can actually have it paid off 8 months early and just before baby gets here.

Not having any debt is the only way we can see making it work so that I can SAH. The plan now is to not work for the first year and then return to work part time after that if needed. I'm of course hoping I won't "need" to but taking it one year at a time works for us. But then again...I don't have any big career aspirations, the only thing I ever wanted to do was be a SAHM, so I'm not the least bit concerned with a resume. I'm sure my plan would be different if I had to think of those things too.

Good luck in whatever you decide! I know its a scary decision to make, but I'm sure you'll make the right one!

shelbell1028 · February 2013

I don't have an option - back to work for me!

katharine25 · February 2013

I'm on the fence too. I have a 2 hour commute one way, and it's hard enough without a baby in the mix. DH works from home, so while he thinks he can be the daycare, I don't think it's realistic if he needs to get work done (which often requires him to have a client present - he's a music producer). We haven't explores actual outside daycare options yet, but if it was a wash, for me that would sway the deal to SAH. Also, my salary is consistent and is paying the major bills, and there's the whole health insurance thing.... but DH does make money (it's just not consistently reliable given it's nature), so we could do it with good financial planning - but it makes me nervous.

We're financially preparing ourselves for me to SAH at least 6 months at this point based on savings alone, but really I think we're hoping my employer will be open to a part-time arrangement where I work part-time, and/or a few days from home. I guess in the end I'll let him decide what he wants to do with me, and just let it be. I like my job, and it's a "career", but I don't have a major passion for it.

Native+Girl · February 2013

I'll be returning to work. I actually don't like my current job all that much and it's not in my field of study so I don't intend to stay in this position for very long after I have the baby, but I will work. Ideally, part time but I'm not sure if my company would offer that.

Financially, we could swing me not working but DH wants to have little to no debt before that happens. We both have great jobs and we've been taking an axe to our debt so that by the time the baby arrives, we'll only have the mortgage and DH's student loans. The student loans will be paid off in a year so at that time, we will reassess.

We make about the same salary but he loves his job and has great potential to move up in his company. That's not the case for me and there's really no where for me to go in my company so if one of us did ever leave their jobs, it would be me.

holly753 · February 2013

NetPetal:
If you have the opportunity to stay home.nbsp; You'll never get this time back with your LO.

this!! There is nothing more important than your children being in a stable place each day, and there is no love like a mothers love. I stayed home with my 3 older kids till kindergarden went back to work for a few years and am now home again, they are only little for a short amount of time, it takes sacrafices but can be done

brockerln · February 2013

I will be starting a job hopefully a few months after the LO is born. I'll be graduating law school in May and taking the bar exam in July so hopefully the timing and the job market work out. Our plan is that DH will be a SAHD after I find a job and he can finish his BA degree online while watching the LO.

RivieraBound · February 2013

I won't be returning. I also plan on homeschooling.

MrsSteSte · February 2013

I really, really, really hate the generalized assumption that a mother staying home with her child is by default the best possible scenario. Hate.

anvloveskme · February 2013

I'm a shareholder at my office do will go back for sure. I worked 10am5pm 4 days per week with DD until she was almost 1 and that worked really well. This time I plan to work 3 days one week and 3.5 days the next week. I make significantly more than our daycare and preschool expenses, even once we are paying for 2. DH and I both have significant student loan debt and I love my job and coworkers so it's a no brainer for me.

laceyesmith · February 2013

I have always wanted to be a SAHM. As long as my husband gets a job offer (he graduates in April) I should be able to stay home. I have a day-job that pays all of our bills, but it's not related to my degree. I studied photography and have a small side business that I'll keep going when I'm at home. And I am just a homebody; I've always preferred being home so I think it will suit me well. I know that some personalities would hate being home all of the time, but I'm really looking forward to it!

AmeliaKris · February 2013

I'm staying home BUT I work weekends only at the hospital. We avoid daycare and I work 24 hours total for 36 hours paid a week. I do miss out on some family things but economically it works for us. When the kids go to school full time I will apply to go back on day shift. Staying home can be lonely and hard. I plan on networking with other moms, doing MOPS, and maybe starting a playgroup.

amberyintar · February 2013

MrsSteSte:
I really, really, really hate the generalized assumption that a mother staying home with her child is by default the best possible scenario. Hate.

This!!! Every situation is different. And it is extremely misogynistic. No one EVER says a father staying at home is the best possible scenario, even when it is. What is this, 1950?

In the end, you really have to find what is the best for YOUR family financially, mentally, and emotionally.

vintageutopia · February 2013

I am returning to work after this baby is born. This will be our 3rd child and I have always been a WOHM by choice. Since you said you don't want to return to work, I would start taking action to see what you can do to make that happen. Start socking away your entire salary in your savings account to see if you can afford to SAH. If not, it will at least help you see where you can make cuts and how much you would have to work to maintain your current lifestyle. When you say your salary is a wash, do you also carry the health insurance benefits? I ask, because people often underestimate the benefit of having good insurance. Is there something that you would enjoy doing part-time? If so, start planning for it now. Personally, I would have a very hard time quitting a good-paying job to work PT for a job that doesn't pay much. If I am going to work, I want to be compensated well for my time. If anything, I would start looking now for a job that is closer to home. If you do have to return to work, at least you will have two hours of "found time" each day and may feel a bit more balanced.

mrsf123 · February 2013

katharine25:
I'm on the fence too. I have a 2 hour commute one way, and it's hard enough without a baby in the mix. DH works from home, so while he thinks he can be the daycare, I don't think it's realistic if he needs to get work done (which often requires him to have a client present - he's a music producer). We haven't explores actual outside daycare options yet, but if it was a wash, for me that would sway the deal to SAH. Also, my salary is consistent and is paying the major bills, and there's the whole health insurance thing.... but DH does make money (it's just not consistently reliable given it's nature), so we could do it with good financial planning - but it makes me nervous.
We're financially preparing ourselves for me to SAH at least 6 months at this point based on savings alone, but really I think we're hoping my employer will be open to a part-time arrangement where I work part-time, and/or a few days from home. I guess in the end I'll let him decide what he wants to do with me, and just let it be. I like my job, and it's a "career", but I don't have a major passion for it.

FWIW, I worked from home for 15 months after DD was born and it was very difficult. I had childcare 1.5 days a week, and lots of help from my parents and inlaws, and in the end, decided to go back to work part-time. Once the baby was about 6 months old, I really couldn't do any work during her waking hours, so I found myself only able to work during naps and at night. I felt like a stay-at-home-mom who also had a full-time out of the house job. It was great to be home with her but nearly impossible to have my sanity. Do yourself a favor - hire help for your husband!

diamondduck13 · February 2013

Yes, I will work. For me it is not a choice, but a financial necessity. I've found it very challenging to not be *really* annoyed and say something rude when unthinking people presume I have a choice when I've told them my plan and in response they have encouraged me to take all the time I want with my baby at home. I'm surprised with how many times I've already encountered that so I'm sure it'll just continue to happen again and again. At least I am incredibly lucky to have a job I really enjoy, which makes being a full-time working mom not feel like a negative necessity, but a positive one.

fritz799 · February 2013

I'm going to stay at home, and we consider it a real luxury. I'm a lawyer, and I've put quite a bit of planning into protecting my resume--I took an adjunct faculty position a few years ago, and I consult for a couple of companies. That way, when I leave full-time practice, I'll continue those little gigs so that there will still be some activity on my resume. Almost all of my friends have continued to work--most of them use nannies. It's just not for my husband and me.

I'm sure that I could consider not working full time for a few years to be a hit to my career--but we waited to have kids so that we could do it this way. I feel like I only get this opportunity for a few short years, and, barring extreme need, no amount of money is worth passing it by.

perrybaby25 · February 2013

I'm going back to work part time. My job offers Saturday hours and I found a great at home sitter for a reasonable price. That way the baby is only there 3 days a week. I would have opted to stay home if my baby was going to be there all 5 days. But it will definitely be nice to have the extra salary and the chance for the baby to gain some socializing.

wilsontl19191 · February 2013

amberyintar:
MrsSteSte:
I really, really, really hate the generalized assumption that a mother staying home with her child is by default the best possible scenario. Hate.

This!!! Every situation is different. And it is extremely misogynistic. No one EVER says a father staying at home is the best possible scenario, even when it is. What is this, 1950?

In the end, you really have to find what is the best for YOUR family financially, mentally, and emotionally.

Amen!!

kellibelle0417 · February 2013

I would love to be a SAHM, but it makes more sense for our personal siutation for me to go back to work. I have amazing benefits at work for both health/dental and retirement. Looking at the future and financially, it is best for me to go back to work. So, that is what our plans are for now. We will see if that changes.

bananatiff · February 2013

No. The plan was to be a SAHM after maternity leave ran out, but we're moving in May so I guess I get to start early. Financially we can do it because MH is graduating and has a good job lined up. It will be tight, but not as bad as living on 3/4ths of an income (me) and a student with no job.

BlueJewelM · February 2013

Well, I am a mostly SAHM. so yeah I will be going back to that.

I was really lucky that I was able to drop down to part time hours and keep my same hourly rate of pay as a ft manager.

So now I work about 15 hours a week. The money goes into DS' 529 or our Roth IRAs, and pays for some extra fun stuff. I love the arrangement we have. With DS I didn't return to work for 12 weeks, this time I will probably go back sooner. I like the SAH life but I enjoy going out to lunch with coworkers, having a day away from DS, and not talking about babies for a while.

I am a part of a few SAHM groups in my town, which are a godsend. It was a great way to meet people in the area with babies/small children. Plus it's necessary for SAHM survival. When the babies are really small...those early days can be quite isolating with a slug that doesn't do much other than eat, sleep and poop.

rissa06 · February 2013

amberyintar:
MrsSteSte:
I really, really, really hate the generalized assumption that a mother staying home with her child is by default the best possible scenario. Hate.

This!!! Every situation is different. And it is extremely misogynistic. No one EVER says a father staying at home is the best possible scenario, even when it is. What is this, 1950?

In the end, you really have to find what is the best for YOUR family financially, mentally, and emotionally.

this. I don't think it always is. I love my kids to death and enjoy my time with them, but I also know emotionally, I need that break and it is not easy for us to come by since we don't have family in the area. I haven't missed a first, other then my son going pee pee on a potty and I'm lucky to have a flexible job that if I need to wfh I can do it.

KristinKD · February 2013

I've been working two days a week since after DD1 was born (a nice perk of working in the family business), but I don't plan on going back to work after this baby. My mom and MIL have always watched the girls for us, and three kids will just be too much, especially when the older two will be going to different schools next year. Plus, we don't need my paycheck; I've mostly kept working out of obligation to my dad. I also appreciated the regular adult interaction, but now that the girls are in school and I've made more mom friends, I've been able to find that outside of work.

henderson1026 · February 2013

I'm going to be mostly home. I'm a realtor, so for 3-6 months I'll be on "maternity leave" and I'll start taking on clients when I'm ready. If it turns out to be too much, I'll put my license on inactive status until I can start working again. My main focus will be the baby, my husband and my house. Work will come fourth.

kelseyholmes88 · February 2013

I work in Daycare, so I really don't want to go back just to hang out with babies all day and then all night with my own. But I've always wanted to stay home with my kids and really don't want to put my kid in daycare, just isn't as good as with mom, from first hand experience. If we're really struggling financially after my mat leave is up, then I'll figure something out, who knows...

katiebenes · February 2013

I'm going to be a working mom. we can't afford it, and I have a job that lets us not need to hire a babysitter.

Don't worry about tarnishing your resume. Employers worry if its multiple short term jobs... not just one.

cajunrunner · February 2013

I would like to be a SAHM, but realistically due to H's current job security situation and the goals and things we would like to do with our kids in the future it makes more sense for me to work. I don't think my daughter suffers because she goes to a sitter, in fact she loves going and seeing her friends. If she were having problems that would be a completely different story. Once H gets his masters I will definitely be staying home though.

LJR 84 · February 2013

I became a SAHM after DS was born and it was the best decision I ever made!

I agree that it's a very personal decision and definitely not a "one size fits all" answer.

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