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December 2010 Moms
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Is he spoiled already?

--halo----halo-- member
in December 2010 Moms

For the past 2 weeks Jackson will ask me to hold him, and will throw a fit if I even suggest doing anything else.  Once he makes his mind up that is all he can think about.  

In the past few days he has been in numerous time outs over it, because he gets so worked up he stops responding and is just out of control.  I can't hold him at the drop of a hat every single time he asks me to, and it's just going to get more difficult for me to carry him around as I get bigger.  The tantrums are just getting worse and worse, today he seriously sounded possessed.  I don't know how to deal with it, because after timeout is over, he has barely settled down and goes right back to "Mommy hold me!!"

I can't figure out if he's spoiled, because I do hold him a lot, or if it is related to me being pregnant.  We did talk to him about it, and this started the very day we told him.   

I hate it because if he's covered in food from lunch and I need to wash his hands, or if he has been marinating in a diaper and I need to change it, or if there is any task that absolutely must get done I have to force him to do it.  I feel like that is wrong, but I don't know what else to do!  

I'm feeling like a bit of a mommyfail today.  :/ 

I used to be a big deal.  Now I'm just old. 
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Re: Is he spoiled already?

  • Cheekers2010Cheekers2010 member
    Naw.  He's not spoiled.  I would bet anything that it has everything to do with a new baby.  Jackson is beyond smart.  I'm certain he understands much more than he can explain, but he's only 2.  He doesn't have a lot of ways to ask for reassurance. Don't worry.  He will ease up.  Just be extra patient with him.  It will be a long time until you're too big to be holding him a lot.  And, even when you are, you can sit down and cuddle him.  You're doing fine mama.  This is a huge transition for him and you.  
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  • --halo----halo-- member
    Thanks, Cheekers. I do feel like I have more patience than usual, so that is a help. I've tried talking to him and explaining why I can't always hold him, I've even asked him if he's worried about sharing mommy with the new baby. But, like you said, I don't think he can explain what he is feeling to me.

    Am I doing the right thing by not picking him up and letting him get so worked up? If he is just craving comfort because be is worried about the new baby I feel like maybe I'm doing more harm. But he has to learn that I can't always pick him up! I'm so confused.
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  • jarebearsmomjarebearsmom member
    Definitely the new baby. We are fighting the same battle. I can't even clean my house because he is so clingy. We have a furlough day today so I sent him to my MIL anyway so I can try to clean something. Se just text me though and said her niece is in labor. I'm hoping she doesn't want to go to the hospital because it's only 830!
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  • jillybean800jillybean800 member

    I'm guessing it's a phase.

    Can you compromise and say, Ok, I can't hold you right now, but mommy can always give you a hug.  Then give him a hug and hold on for 10 seconds or so.  Maybe that will kind of "wean him" from always being held but still give him the physical contact? I have no idea...Alexander usually is running away from me when I WANT to hold him haha.

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  • PGASTLPGASTL member

    I would pick your battles - if it's really a situation where you can't hold him (like you need to wash your hands or something requires urgent attention), then you just tell him, "Mommy can't hold you right now, but I can after I wash my hands" and then as soon as you wash your hands you follow through.

    If he throws a fit, he throws a fit - ignore the tantrum for sure.

    I am 24 weeks pg and sometimes I am just too tired to carry LO anywhere! She went through a phase for about 3 weeks where it was a battle with her and for example if I had a bunch of stuff to take to the car and she wanted me to hold her I would have her wait at the door until I got the stuff in the car and then I would pick her up and carry her to the car. We talked a lot about how she's getting too heavy to carry so much (making a point that it's not about the new baby, it's about the fact the she's getting to be a big girl), and now she will say things like "so heavy" when I tell her I will hold her hand while we walk instead of holding her.

    I would definitely say to be patient and this is just a phase and over the next few weeks it will get easier - good luck mama!

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  • GrayGhost13GrayGhost13 member

    I think they're just willful and emotional at this age. DS wants what he wants, and if he has to wait for it or he hears no, it's very hard for him to manage his anger and disappointment. We're working on it, but honestly, it would be easy for an outsider to come in and judge, but I really think everything he's working through is developmentally appropriate.

    Sorry, mama! Toddlers really can be such buttheads, can't they!

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  • --halo----halo-- member

    Thanks for all the responses and advice, sorry it's taken me so long to respond!  

    imagePGASTL:

    I would pick your battles - if it's really a situation where you can't hold him (like you need to wash your hands or something requires urgent attention), then you just tell him, "Mommy can't hold you right now, but I can after I wash my hands" and then as soon as you wash your hands you follow through.

    If he throws a fit, he throws a fit - ignore the tantrum for sure.

    I am 24 weeks pg and sometimes I am just too tired to carry LO anywhere! She went through a phase for about 3 weeks where it was a battle with her and for example if I had a bunch of stuff to take to the car and she wanted me to hold her I would have her wait at the door until I got the stuff in the car and then I would pick her up and carry her to the car. We talked a lot about how she's getting too heavy to carry so much (making a point that it's not about the new baby, it's about the fact the she's getting to be a big girl), and now she will say things like "so heavy" when I tell her I will hold her hand while we walk instead of holding her.

    I would definitely say to be patient and this is just a phase and over the next few weeks it will get easier - good luck mama!

    Saying "I can't right now, but I can as soon as I'm done with ____." Definitely helped yesterday.  He still whines, but doesn't throw an all out fit.  :) Yesterday he was much better about it overall though.  I guess we'll just have to keep working on it. 

    I used to be a big deal.  Now I'm just old. 
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  • Five Months to PlanFive Months to Plan member
    image--halo--:

    Thanks for all the responses and advice, sorry it's taken me so long to respond!  

    imagePGASTL:

    I would pick your battles - if it's really a situation where you can't hold him (like you need to wash your hands or something requires urgent attention), then you just tell him, "Mommy can't hold you right now, but I can after I wash my hands" and then as soon as you wash your hands you follow through.

    If he throws a fit, he throws a fit - ignore the tantrum for sure.

    I am 24 weeks pg and sometimes I am just too tired to carry LO anywhere! She went through a phase for about 3 weeks where it was a battle with her and for example if I had a bunch of stuff to take to the car and she wanted me to hold her I would have her wait at the door until I got the stuff in the car and then I would pick her up and carry her to the car. We talked a lot about how she's getting too heavy to carry so much (making a point that it's not about the new baby, it's about the fact the she's getting to be a big girl), and now she will say things like "so heavy" when I tell her I will hold her hand while we walk instead of holding her.

    I would definitely say to be patient and this is just a phase and over the next few weeks it will get easier - good luck mama!

    Saying "I can't right now, but I can as soon as I'm done with ____." Definitely helped yesterday.  He still whines, but doesn't throw an all out fit.  :) Yesterday he was much better about it overall though.  I guess we'll just have to keep working on it. 

    We do sort of the same thing. If I really can not hold her, I tell her I cant't and why but then I do hold her as soon as I can. I find she wants to be held for sometimes a matter of seconds till she is good and wants down. I also will ask her to calm down before I pick her up if she is growing a fit waiting. Most days this works, if not something else is usually adding to it like tired or hungry. We also invested in a learning tower for the kitchen. I find if she can just be at my level sometimes it helps. 

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