Military Families
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crying causes "flash back"....
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Re: crying causes "flash back"....
Pipsqueak born 6/9/14
While its important to know that his reactions and feelings are not his fault, he also at this point needs to take control and get some help. Different things work for different people there is no one size fits all for this, but he needs to do something, anything.
Wow. That is so scary. He needs education and counseling. Education on what is normal for babies/toddlers and counseling to deal with his anger and stress.
For now, I would not leave him alone with your baby.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
If he's overreacting that badly to a bit of age appropriate crying, then you need to worry first and foremost about the safety of your DD. if that means never leaving him alone with her, do that. If it means living separately until he is under control, do that. Her safety trumps all else.
Secondly, you need to DEMAND he seeks help, period. It isn't an option. It is a must.if he refuses, than it is in the best interest for you and your DD to go somewhere safe, and quite frankly, it's not with him. I know it sounds harsh, but he sounds out of control of his emotions. That can lead to disastrous results.
He needs help. I hope he will accept it and allow you to support him. You need to look at his health and well being as secondary to your DD's though, and do what is best for her. Good luck to you.
If he is having "flash backs" and had that type of reaction the other night, I don't suggest you be harsh or even too direct with him. Chances are he hates that he can't be near baby when she is upset and probably feels guilty. I am not in your shoes, but I suggest you LOVE on him. Give him a hug, kiss, hold his hand, look him in the eyes and tell him how much you love him and support him. How much you and LO love and need him (even if he is not helpful with baby). He probably knows what he's feeling is not normal; you need to also verbally acknowledge that it is not normal but that you will support him through this challenge. Allow him to take a break or have some "free time" w/o baby around to give him a break. See if he would do any type of counseling or "vets for vets" event or anything where he might be able to socialize with other vets.
You don?t want to push him away or make him feel even worse for the way he's feeling/reacting, so play it safe. Love him, encourage him to seek help/friendship, and support him through this. You will likely have to take on most of the parenting responsibilities until you and he both are ready, but it is a sacrifice that will improve your marriage/family forever. Work together to get through this; you don't want him to feel alone...he probably already does.
I will say a prayer for you all. You can get through this.
dee & bee
mom & dad to 3 boys!
Talk to your family readiness officer (or your branch's equivalent) or chaplain. They should be able to direct you to help him get the help he needs. Have you asked him if he would like to seek outside counseling? It is offered through military one source for free and he wouldn't have to let anyone know he was receiving it. Maybe get a babysitter for a night and have a heart to heart with him? I know the Marine Corps offers a FOCUS program that is for families, maybe you guys could do something like that together?
TTC Since Summer 2011
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