Able to successfully go med-free when scared?

rayandbrit · February 2013

This is my first time really pursuing natural birthing (Med free). It goes along with everything I believe in, but I was always too scared to pursue it. With this baby, I am really seriously considering it. My H & I are going to tour a birthing center tonight, but it seems almost 100% we have decided to go this route.

My question is, after reading through hours of previous posts today, you all seem so tough! I'm worried that because I am so scared I wont be able to get through it. Do you think you can be successful going into it very nervous and scared? I strongly believe in the benefits & the process, I'm just being a pansy!

Any thoughts or input would be greatly appreciated!

**Side note, not sure if it a little back history helps, but with DD#1 I had a 4 hour delivery (from water breaking, painful contractions starting, to her born). With DD#2 my water broke with no pain or contractions, LO was lodged somewhere behind my hip/side so they gave me pitocin to start labor, once she moved and they let me push, I barely got through 1 push and she was born. With both I had epidurals.

tmrchi · February 2013

I'd look into hypnobirthing or hypnobabies. With those methods you train your body to relax and not be as fearful. Their philosophy is that being scared is what causes the pain because you are more tense. You practice meditating to the CDs so that when you listen to them during labor, your body goes right back into that relaxation mode. Well that is at least a quick overview.

You can also look into hiring a doula who can help you through the process.

rayandbrit · February 2013

Thank you for the info, I have seen the hypno methods mentioned a lot on here, but it sounds like I should research them more personally.

I know this is an odd questions, I guess I was just wondering if anyone else started out really scared, or if you kinda have to go into it brave from the beginning?

KateLouise · February 2013

I think it helps to consider what it is you're scared of, if you can pin it down.

For me I was really fearful of tearing badly. I still am. Even though I've had two natural births and only needed two stitches with my first, and needed no stitches with DD2 who was 10lbs 2 oz.

Knowing that helped me talk to my MW, and in labour when she could see I was holding back from pushing she was able to say to me, "You really need to push through that pain, don't hold back."

I know if we have a 3rd baby, to talk that fear through again with my MW, and things you can do during birth to help alleviate any potential issues.

I also agree with pp that looking at some calming strategies can help too.

I don't think you need to be tough to have a natural birth, but I do think being emotionally prepared and having good support make a huge difference.

rayandbrit · February 2013

That is really good advice, thank you. I think I am most scared of the actual delivery pain, the transition, tearing. I am a little afraid of whether or not I will be "free" enough to labor comfortably, I'm also a little nervous about how quickly you go home.

I'm assuming the last 2 will work themselves out, everything else I'm actually really excited about, ha

joecubed · February 2013

Read birth stories. I was afraid, but it's because society sends the message that childbirth pain is unbearable and women can't do it without meds. Reading birth stories like Ina May's Guide to Childbirth helps reset that baseline so that you can accept childbirth is painful, but not unbearable, and that women CAN do it without drugs.

This is my third, and the most important message I try to carry into the delivery room with me is that when the pain becomes awful, and I feel like I can't go on, I'm almost done. My doula said that to me during my daughter's delivery. I was in transition and looked at her and told her I couldn't do it. She responded that it meant I was almost done. She was right. Transition was over and the urge to push arrived less than half an hour later.

tmrchi · February 2013

I'm still a bit scared-not going to lie. Luckily when I was on the fence about pursuing natural childbirth, my midwife was really positive telling me that she was sure I could do it naturally without a problem, and referred me to a few methods to look into.

I'm doing my best to avoid any birth stories where things went wrong. Read some books and watch some youtube videos of natural childbirth. It really switches your view from those scenes in movies where women are screaming in pain, and begging for drugs.

briannabeebug · February 2013

KateLouise:
I think it helps to consider what it is you're scared of, if you can pin it down.
For me I was really fearful of tearing badly. I still am. Even though I've had two natural births and only needed two stitches with my first, and needed no stitches with DD2 who was 10lbs 2 oz.
Knowing that helped me talk to my MW, and in labour when she could see I was holding back from pushing she was able to say to me, "You really need to push through that pain, don't hold back."
I know if we have a 3rd baby, to talk that fear through again with my MW, and things you can do during birth to help alleviate any potential issues.
I also agree with pp that looking at some calming strategies can help too.
I don't think you need to be tough to have a natural birth, but I do think being emotionally prepared and having good support make a huge difference.

This. Exactly. When confronting fear regarding childbirth I highly recommend reading Birthing from Within and attending a Birthing from Within course. There's an exercise called "tigers" than can help you work through what is driving your fears and how you can best manage them.

Fear in birth can make you close up/stop progressing so it is really important to try to be on top of and work through your fears and have a supportive person who will listen to you and key into your feelings, esp. during birth.

I also recommend a doula you trust!

And remember you can do this! You are a strong woman, you are a birthing goddess!

hollandmama · February 2013

Yes, read birth stories. I was super scared just a few weeks ago but it really helped when I realized normal women can do this and, most of all, are super happy at the end. They almost never remember their story as a terrible time, but as a challenging one, as a huge mountain they had to climb but at the end of the day they did it!

Try to speak with family that has done this before, speaking with my grandma helped really a lot. I haven't even started my hypnobabies course but I already feel less scared just by listening to women that did this before.

Good luck!

babycakes1981 · February 2013

It is a mental thing as well. If you train yourself for this type of experience you can get through it, is what my Douala keeps telling us. What happens is, a lot of moms and dads don't prepare themselves mentally for this type of process as well as physically preparing. It is important to also have a positive atmosphere with you during the laboring process. Being negative during delivery can often slow down your delivery. I strongly suggest reading Inna Mays, "Guide to Childbirth" book. Has lots of inspirational natural birth stories. DH and I are taking the Bradley Method class with our Douala. YOU CAN DO IT!

rayandbrit · February 2013

I actually got goosebumps reading a lot of your responses, thank you so much for the encouragement! I toured the birthing center last night & already feel a little more at ease. I am hoping once I take some classes & read some books I will feel even more prepared and calm.

One thing I loved about the birthing center is they are so 'pro Mom." It was a new experience for me having them tell us (tourees) how important we are, and how the experience is centered around us. It really made me feel empowered. When delivering at the Hospital both times I just felt like a patient, and a bother.

Anyway, I can't tell you all how much I appreciate the encouraging words. I put my order in for Inna May's book, and will have to get the other ones you suggested. In addition, I've been pouring over birth stories and am encouraged by how "regular" the Mom's are, not sure if that makes sense?

Thanks again!

Mrs E in Oregon · February 2013

We all come to pregnancy and birth with different fears. The stats say we have a certain amount of risk of c-section, infant mortality and maternal mortality. The best thing to do is to read up on what causes risks to increase.

The more you read books on natural birth the more you realize these women are not special or super women. They have the right tools in their toolbox, that's all. Watch videos of home and natural births, talk to people who have done it. It is really good to watch home births even if you aren't going to be attempting a home birth.

Adrenal is the enemy of oxitocin. You can't dilate your cervix very well if your body is preparing to fight or flight. So even if/when you are scared or something has taken a turn towards a more risky birth, your breathing and relaxation practice will come in handy.

I'd suggest you read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and watch Orgasmic Birth and the Business of Being Born if you haven't already. These are my go to's.

A37licia · February 2013

Wow, if you had two fast births, you can probably anticipate that again, though they say #3 is a wild card...who knows what it'll be like (I'm having #3 too). What I can say though is if you got through those short, intense labors, you can absolutely do it again! The best thing I can recommend you do is to read, read and read about natural birth. Read birth stories, become familiar with the normal course of birth. You personally should be prepared for an intense labor shortly after it starts because of your history. You are an efficient birther! But your hope is that if that happens, it will probably be short and not hours and hours of intense transactions. Have faith in your body to do what it was designed to do.

The best way to dispel your fear is to arm yourself with knowledge and mental preparation of what labor is like and that beautiful journey that the baby takes to be born.

You will be in a fantastic, supportive environment by being at a birth center. Did you see the rooms? Can you pick which one you want? Go back and look at it again or look online and visualize yourself having your baby there.

I also think you can rest easy about tearing. This is your third, and you can absolutely talk with your midwives about measures they take to support you to not tear. I don't see why you would come out with either no tears or a skid mark at most.

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