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Should I ask my friend how her first round of IVF went?

IBackBevoIBackBevo member
in Success after IF

So my college roommate did a round of IVF here recently.  Based on what she said the last time we talked, I think she probably either is finding out or will shortly be finding out if it is successful.  I want to be supportive, but I don't know if it is appropriate to ask.  She has never been one who seemed to be sensitive about IF issues.  And I can't use my own way of dealing with things as a measure of what to do/what not to do because I wanted to talk about IF...but that is just how I deal with things.  If I am having a problem, I talk about it to anyone who will listen.   So my measuring stick is off in this respect...

I thought about maybe just sending her an email and asking her how things were going and not mentioning the IVF... She also just built a new house (and will be moving in shortly) so that could be something I could ask about...  

IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
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Re: Should I ask my friend how her first round of IVF went?

  • IBackBevoIBackBevo member

    imagemg0202:
    Has she spoken to you alot about treatments and the IVF process? If it something she has spent time talking to you about and you are close to her I would ask, if not I like your idea of sending the email and just ask how things are going.

    We have talked alot about her IF issues in general and her IUI's, but all she has said about the IVF was about starting meds.  I'm not 100 percent sure on when her ER is so I may be premature anyway.  I decided to just shoot her a general email her and ask her about her house because I know they should be moving in soon.

    IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
    2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
    BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
    Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
    BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

    May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
    image
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    Report Reply
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  • Ruthie04Ruthie04 member
    If it were my friend, I would definitely have appreciated a "I've been thinking about you lately and I love you very much" email, but not a "how is your cycle going/ what happened" email. When my first IVF failed, I lost it. For me, the level of hurt was right up there with the miscarriage. I never reacted that way with my TI or IUI cycles, but IVF just pushed me over the edge of my emotional wall. I was always super open about my cycles, so lots of people asked about the progress. However, because it was so difficult to talk about the failure, I kept my next cycle quiet. I think a more general email of support would be greatly appreciated, but I would keep it vague. It's nice of you to be thinking of her!
    TTC in 2009, Dx: Unexplained IF
    Three TI cycles (BFP...miscarriage), five IUI attempts and 2.5 IVF cycles later...BFP!!
    12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
    Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!! 








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  • IBackBevoIBackBevo member

    imageRuthie04:
    If it were my friend, I would definitely have appreciated a "I've been thinking about you lately and I love you very much" email, but not a "how is your cycle going/ what happened" email. When my first IVF failed, I lost it. For me, the level of hurt was right up there with the miscarriage. I never reacted that way with my TI or IUI cycles, but IVF just pushed me over the edge of my emotional wall. I was always super open about my cycles, so lots of people asked about the progress. However, because it was so difficult to talk about the failure, I kept my next cycle quiet. I think a more general email of support would be greatly appreciated, but I would keep it vague. It's nice of you to be thinking of her!

    Thanks for the advice!  I just sent her a general email letting her know I was thinking about her and asked about her house. I didn't say anything about the IVF.  Honestly, I got to thinking about it and depending on what her protocal is/was, she may not have even had ER or ET yet--or, if she has, it may not have been long enough to know anything anyway. 

    IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
    2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
    BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
    Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
    BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

    May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
    image
    image
    Report Reply
  • Dragonfly1226Dragonfly1226 member
    imageRuthie04:
    If it were my friend, I would definitely have appreciated a "I've been thinking about you lately and I love you very much" email, but not a "how is your cycle going/ what happened" email.
    This is exactly what I was going to say. Even if her cycle was successful, she might OT want to share about a pregnancy so early. And if it wasn't successful or if she faces a m/c she might just not want to talk about it. I know I didn't want to be asked after my first Vf when I had a m/c or after my second when I was successful but it was still so early that I was scared out of my mind. The "I'm thinking about you and care" email would be good though. I hope your friend has success!
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    Unexplained Infertility

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    After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!

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