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Natural Birth
mlrafiki
member
Bummed: talk to me about the satisfaction of a NB
mlrafiki
member
I am spending so much time and energy mentally preparing myself for the possibility of my birth NOT going according to plan that I have managed to become very depressed about the whole thing. The what-ifs are killing me: what if my water breaks first and I have to spend the entire labor at the hospital, instead of at home at first? What if they put me on Pit because I have no contractions after water breaking? What if baby is breech? What if baby gets stuck? What if my labor lasts over 30 hours and I'm just exhausted? And on and on. I feel that the odds are so stacked against me, that something is just BOUND to go wrong, that I'm losing the vision of the perfect birth I had. Of course, birth is unpredictable, I understand, but I really want to look FORWARD to it!
So help me out, STMs: how did you feel after your successful natural birth(s)? I've read a lot of great birth stories, but I'd like to hear more about how you feel looking back later. Thanks, and sorry to vent like the classic Bumpie drama queen.... 
"Can I call your baby 'Ze Munchkin,' or 'ZM' for short?" - my best friend
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bummed: talk to me about the satisfaction of a NB
It's natural to fantasize about your "dream" birth experience. But, I would encourage you to try to avoid thinking about the extremes. Try not to dream about a "perfect" birth, and try not to fixate on all of the things that can go wrong. Just focus your energy and efforts on preparing yourself mentally and physically. I'm not sure if you are following any specific program (Bradley, Hypno, etc.) but just stick to your preparation. Of course, stay motivated and determined for a natural birth, but remember that you can't control every step of how your labor will progress. But find confidence in knowing that all of the preparation you are doing now will help you and your partner make the best, most informed decision that you can, regardless of how your labor progresses.
But to answer your question about how it feels...
I choose unmedicated birth with as little intervention as possible (in a hospital setting with a CNM) because I believe it is the healthiest choice for myself and my baby. I didn't do it to prove to myself or anyone else that I could. I've done it twice now, and plan to do it again this time around. Each of my birth experiences was completely different, and one was much harder than the other, but both experiences have been the best days of my life, I honestly felt euphoric afterward. There were a lot of unexpected challenges with my first birth, and even today as I reflect back on it I am amazed I was able to persevere through the experience. So while I did not set out to prove anything to myself, I did end up feeling very strong and empowered because of my experience. My second was a smooth and peaceful birth and I remember just feeling grateful and in awe of what the female body is designed to do. Good Luck to you.
I've had two natural births. Both were very different from each other. neither one was "perfect" for all sorts of reasons, but a lot of that perspectve is hindsight. In hindsight I think it would have been better if x y and z had happened.
But in the moment it was exhausting, exhilarating, amazing, and wonderful. Immediately afterwards I was so full of adrenalin and energy and awe that it took me hours to get anywhere close to sleep, even though I'd been awake through the night.
So I guess my thought is that going into it and then later after the birth it's easy to over analyse exactly what you want and how you want it to be/wish it had been...but in the moment it's all kinds of wonderful in its own way.
Each birth is so unique that you simply can't know how things will go, even if you have a completely intervention free birth, it still might not be your "dream" birth, and for that reason I encourage people to just enjoy it for what it is, whatever it may end up being.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
With my LO1, my water broke first so I was very concerned about it not progressing naturally, but it did and was a wonderful experience. Quick and fairly easy intense at the end.
With LO2, I was induced from being 2 weeks overdue. Pitocin is the devil and this labor was longer and more difficult. It was like being in transition from 4cm on, but I did it and am glad I did.
You never know how it's going to be, but however it turns out you can handle it. Remember that it's better both for your baby and you.
Well, I think it's important to remember that parts of life is just luck of the draw, and labor and birth are no exception. Try not to get bogged down in the what-ifs (or have the most perfect dream scenario in your head). People make the best decisions they can with the information they have at the time. No sense worrying about it unless something happens.
It really helped me to go through the things I could control and the things I couldn't control when I was planning for a VBAC with my second son. Have a plan for if your water breaks before labor, figure out when/if you're okay with an epidural, etc.
I had a med-free birth that turned into an unplanned c-section birth, and then a med-free VBAC. My first birth was actually pretty stressful and upsetting for me, but I got through it. And my VBAC was just an insanely great feeling of accomplishment and peace.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Hypnobabies teaches you to think the opposite.. What if my labor is quick? What if everything goes according to plan? What if I get to the hospital and I'm already 7 cms dilated? etc.
On their website you can download a "visualize your birth" track. I'm trying to listen to that a few times a week... the idea is that what you focus on will come to pass, so think positive thoughts!
I can't say if hypnobabies works or not, because this is my first, but I've been listening to the tracks regularly and I feel pretty confident and relaxed. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be able to report back that I had a great experience!
Getting stressed out and worked up will do no good. Your body and your baby need you to be relaxed and calm. I understand wanting to be prepared for anything that may happen...but maybe from this point it would be best to read only the good natural birth stories. Read stories that describe how you picture your birth going. Get your mind in a good place where you completely trust your body to work exactly as it should.
And get your body in a good place as well. Drink lots of water, eat healthy, exercise or do yoga, see a chiropractor, etc.
Last...you don't necessarily have to do exactly what your doctors or midwifes say. You do not have to go straight to the hospital if your water breaks. There are benefits to staying home (as you are aware) but also risks. It's a decision you need to make for yourself after you've done the research and understand those risks.
I know it's hard to not think about it, but try your best. A did a lot of repeating "mantras" before birth that helped me with my confidence - things like "My baby knows when and how to be born" and "Childbirth is a process for which my body was perfectly designed". Never out loud to other people, but a lot while driving.
As far as after birth, I felt (and still feel) like a rock star. For a few months after, I remember being hit with emotion at the most random times with an overwhelming feeling of luckiness and gratitude that my birth experience was so awesome, my body was so strong, and I have such a wonderful little boy to show for it. I was in labor for 36 hours (getting to 10 cm took forever) but pushing was only 20 min and being able to push squatting and on my hands and knees completely validated my decision to stick it out because the practice push I did on my back felt horrible to me and didn't seem to move DS down at all. When my dad got to the hospital like 1.5 hrs after DS was born (after getting phone updates from my mom throughout it all), I overheard him say to my mom - "Wow, I can't believe how great daughter looks. I wouldn't have guessed she just had a baby, let alone about how long it took", which made me feel pretty awesome too.
Remember that there are multiple ways to a birth, even to a natural birth. I was GBS+ and had to have 3 doses of antibiotics (hep lock), I was only 4 cm when I got to the hospital after laboring at home for 22 hours, and my midwife had to break my water - all pretty minor, but they were bumps in the road. It's all about mental toughness to not get discouraged and push forward, and if things don't go exactly right, you'll still get your baby and that's the best part of all. Good luck!
DS, May 2011
In my Bradley class we had a week where we talked about all the negative what ifs. It was great because we vocalized how we were feeling and addressed these concerns to our partner. My H and I talked about all the things you mentioned. we also made plans for them so that we would have an idea of what we would do and how to handle them. After that we never mentioned them again (as per our Bradley instructors suggestion). By talking about them it really helped me relax and to get all of the negative thoughts out. I then only thought positive about my birth.
I had a great birth but it was not how I expected it would be and did not happen according to my ideal plan. Afterwards I was a little upset by the fact that I freaked out during pushing. I was also disappointed that H did not help calm me down during this time, he just kind of sat there. My doula was great and she helped me calm down but things were happening really fast. I am convinced that I tore as bad as I did because I was power pushing LO out because I was freaked. I know I still would have torn because LO had a nuchal hand but the vision I had of calm, relaxed pushing did not happen. Afterwards I was disappointed that I had let the stress and pressure get to me and I wish I would have been calmer. Now that 6 months have passed i am OK with it and know that I need to be calm and relaxed during the pushing phase. We will have to see if that does happen as every L&D is different.