Feeling like a bad mom because of our horrible morning routine

vlcoley · February 2013

Hi all -

I just need to vent a little. My daughter is almost 10 months old and for the past few weeks has been waking up between 4:30-5:30 am. She used to sleep from 7-7:30 pm to 6-6:30 am which was wonderful but with the New Year came a new phase and 5 am seems to be her new wake up call time. Needless to say this is too early for everyone. My husband and I both work full time so of course decent sleep is important for us to be able to function. What's more important than that is my daughter's need for proper sleep and it is clear that waking up at 4:30-5:30 am isn't working for her either. When she wakes up at this hour she is whiny and tired by 7:30/8 am - the exact time that my husband and I need to be giving her breakfast and getting her to the babysitters so we can get to work. Our morning routine has turned into an irritating, fussy mess that isn't working for any of us. And I feel terrible because when we start our mornings like this it kind of sets the mood for the rest of the day.

I don't know what to do! I am tired, anxious and irritable and my daughter doesn't deserve that. I've tried letting her CIO but after 10-15 minutes the guilt sets in and I start questioning things - "Is she really hungry and should I be feeding her?" Is she not feeling well?" "Is she experiencing separation anxiety and does she need some hugs and kisses?" I just don't know the right thing to do. Obviously we need to work on revising this morning routine because we are all miserable.

My daughter naps decently during the day but her nighttime sleep seems to be determining her daily mood. So even with decent naps she is still off when she doesn't get proper nighttime rest.

sunnyday016 · February 2013

First, you don't need to feel like a bad mom at all! Kids wake up early. Even perfect moms can have early risers

When my kids have woken up that early I usually treat it as a night waking and try to get them back to sleep. For my son, I would change him, feed him & rock him just as I would if he woke at 2am. Usually this works, as long as it's dark enough in his room. Good luck!

Kristinmo · February 2013

theresat858:
I always treat 5am the same as 2 or 3am....keep it dark, feed her, and then put her back in her crib. Some days she fusses a bit but usually goes back to sleep.

Kristinmo · February 2013

theresat858:
I always treat 5am the same as 2 or 3am....keep it dark, feed her, and then put her back in her crib. Some days she fusses a bit but usually goes back to sleep.

This is what we do too. What time does she go to bed? It is possible she just needs less sleep? Try pushing bedtime back a little and see if it corrects itself on the other end.

Nel11 · February 2013

Kristinmo:
theresat858:
I always treat 5am the same as 2 or 3am....keep it dark, feed her, and then put her back in her crib. Some days she fusses a bit but usually goes back to sleep.

This is what we do too. What time does she go to bed? It is possible she just needs less sleep? Try pushing bedtime back a little and see if it corrects itself on the other end.

This is us too. And I agree... maybe try pushing her bedtime back a bit (half hour?) and see if that helps. And FWIW, I do not think you need to accept 5am as her new wake up time... yes, you have a child and of course you need to adjust your lifestyle, but it sounds like that time is not working for your family. Waking up that early unnecessarily is nuts.

LuckyBride06 · February 2013

DS is 11 months and wakes up some mornings between 430 and 5am. I just nurse him in the dark and I don't talk to him and act as though it's nighttime. After he nurses, I put him back I'm his crib. He will fall back asleep, or he'll lay there and talk to himself for a while then falls back asleep. I don't go to get him from his room and start our day until at least 630.

megann831 · February 2013

DD has always been a very early riser. I used to enjoy it when she was a baby because it would give me cuddle time before I had to go to work. Now that she's older we're able to bond by talking and doing things together at 5 am. When she was a baby I would get up with her, between 4 and 5, give her a waffle or some sort of quick breakfast while I showered and got ready, and then hug out until it was time to leave. Why are you waiting until she's tiered to give her breakfast? If you give it to her earlier she'll fall asleep on the way to the sitter and have a little more energy in her for while she's there.

beth2882 · February 2013

So it seems like posters are either in the "treat it like a night waking" or the "you need to adjust to her new routine" camp. I agree with both depending on what is right for your baby. There are times that my DD wakes earlier than I like and I do try to get her back to sleep first. Most of the time it works. If it doesn't though, we do get our day started and do breakfast, etc. If LO is up, I would not wait to give breakfast - at my house that would contribute to the fussiness.

Nicolewinsbingo · February 2013

How long is she sleeping at night? How many total hours in the day is she sleeping? You could possibly try to have her nap a little less during the day. Sometimes and EARLIER bedtime can actually help kids sleep in later. It seems counterintuitive but its true. You could also experiment with a slightly later bedtime. I think its completely fine to give her more time in her crib to play/cry/try to go back to sleep.

My LO tends to wake up around 6:30AM lately but I don't go in and nurse him until closer to 7:30. 7:30 is our established wake up time here, and I know he can make it without eating until then. He doesn't really cry when he wakes up, just lays there talking or rolling around until I come get him. Sometimes he goes back to sleep.

You have to function as a family. If your LO's wake up time is something you simply can't deal with as a family, it is your LO who needs to change. Each family member's needs are important, and 4AM playtime is a lower ranking need than adequate sleep for all family members. You might try talking to your pediatrician about it, I bet he or she would have some great advice regarding eating needs and sleep routines.

Good luck!

Natali25 · February 2013

Nicolewinsbingo:
How long is she sleeping at night? How many total hours in the day is she sleeping? You could possibly try to have her nap a little less during the day. Sometimes and EARLIER bedtime can actually help kids sleep in later. It seems counterintuitive but its true. You could also experiment with a slightly later bedtime. I think its completely fine to give her more time in her crib to play/cry/try to go back to sleep.
My LO tends to wake up around 6:30AM lately but I don't go in and nurse him until closer to 7:30. 7:30 is our established wake up time here, and I know he can make it without eating until then. He doesn't really cry when he wakes up, just lays there talking or rolling around until I come get him. Sometimes he goes back to sleep.
You have to function as a family. If your LO's wake up time is something you simply can't deal with as a family, it is your LO who needs to change. Each family member's needs are important, and 4AM playtime is a lower ranking need than adequate sleep for all family members. You might try talking to your pediatrician about it, I bet he or she would have some great advice regarding eating needs and sleep routines.
Good luck!

This. I've read up on babies and sleep because we did the Sleep Easy Solution. Most books and "experts" say that babies are actually more tired the later you put them to bed. With that said, every baby is different and none go exactly by the book.You're a great mom and working hard.

When our LO gets up earlier then 7 we leave him in his crib until then. I know he's big enough not to need to eat before then. He'll whimper but not scream. And eventually he'll go back to sleep. He only does now because we sleep trained him right at 9mths. It worked great after the first couple of hard nights. He sleeps without a peep unless he's sick or teething. I think you should do what you feel is best for your family. If you do get up with her early, try and see if she'll eat earlier. I know it's hard and it doesn't feel like we ever have time, but DH and I try to go to bed when LO goes to bed. LO sleeps around 7 or 8 and we aim to be in bed by 9.

contourhands · February 2013

Hi! Sorry to hear about how difficult this is for you, it would be for me too!!!

1. make sure she isn't taking super long naps during the day.

2. Make sure she has a fully belly before bed and is eating enough during the day.

I know there are alot of people who feel guilty about C.I.O and I'm sure this may not be something alot of people agree with but if the end goal is to make your LO happy and adjusted on a sleep schedule that will make her feel better all day long, a few mornings of C.I.O is worth it. Your LO will learn that you are not going to come in every time she is calling for you and will learn how to self sooth which in turn, will make her a happier more well adjusted baby. Most babies will learn to go back to sleep on their own in just a few days so If I were you, I'd forget the guilt and give it a try

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