Moms of 2... how long did it take your first child to adjust?

tiffanyp · February 2013

Avery is having a hard time adjusting to her little sister. I know she's 2, and I know she's jealous of her little sister, but holy crap is she acting like a spoiled brat! She's really demanding lately, and she throws little tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. I feel like I'm doing a really bad job disciplining her because I'm not being consistent. I'm just too tired to fight all the time, so sometimes I just give her what she wants. I know that's probably the worst thing I can do, because now she knows that sometimes, her little tantrums work. Oh yeah, and she hasn't napped in a week and she is a cranky monster by dinner time. Also, she has started waking up at night again. I try to send MH in to deal with her, but she wants mama. I'm going to be a zombie soon if I have two kids waking up multiple times a night. Please tell me she will get over this soon.

msualum96 · February 2013

I can't remember exactly how long it took, but I think only about a month, maybe. It was definitely before I went back to work. Once his little 2yo brain wrapped around the fact that she wasn't going anywhere, he didn't have much choice! LOL But seriously, once they embrace it, it is the sweetest thing...literally every morning R gets out of bed and immediately asks where H is or if she's awake.

I was lucky that R didn't really regress in sleeping, but he was a tantrum-y monster for a while! I agree that the discipline thing was tough, but you're simply in survival mode, just remember that and IT'S OK!!! But it does get better! I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel, but it wasn't that long ago that I was in your shoes Momma! Hang in there! It's temporary, A isn't going to be a monster forever, and the reward of seeing siblings interact is so worth it! <<<hugs>>>

jnicolen1 · February 2013

For us it comes in waves. For a while oliver will be all about the tantrums, then he switches to being an angel for a few days. I try to be as consistent as possible but it is tough sometimes. We, too had a period where Oliver woke at night, would want to be held. We were gentle but firm and nights have gone back to normal.
Just this morning I found the two boys playing with cars together. Oliver was telling dunk.... See dunkie, zoom it just like this... That's how you do it dunkie... Yeah brother.. Go get it!
Seriously, sweetest thing ever to see them interact.
I know as they get older there will still be periods of tantrums, jealousy or anger... And that is to be expected. So I'm trying to let those parts wash over me and focus on the good moments. As time passes there are more and more good moments!

--halo-- · February 2013

I don't have 2 outside babies yet, but I thought I'd say that J is doing the EXACT same thing. Tantrums, needy, only wants mommy, no naps, and poor sleep. I'm sure that having a new sister to contend with is hard on her, but I also think it's the age. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of this while also needing to care for a newborn plus being exhausted. I hope it ends soon. ::hugs::

bosha711 · February 2013

I think we got lucky in that DS adjusted really well to DD being around. The only thing that happened was he went through a sleep regression that he is just now getting over. It was a combo of DD being here, him starting daycare & teething, we think. He definitely had separation anxiety & needed a lot of reassurance that we are here for him.

It was me who had a harder time adjusting to DD being here than DS

jarebearsmom · February 2013

I don't have 2 yet but I wanted to offer hugs and while I can't say that I know how you feel or how things will turn out, I know you are a great mom and it will all fall into place soon

theuntaggablek · February 2013

I am reading this post with a combination of fear and anticipation!

I'm sorry it's so rough - it's bound to be difficult for everybody with a toddler & a newborn, but you've had a particularly trying few weeks. Hang in there - we're all behind you.

xxbabycakesxx · February 2013

In the beginning it didn't seem like Griff even noticed Bishop. He still acted the same. Still threw the same amount of tantrums. The a few months later his molars started coming in so he was waking up in the motn again but thats understandable. Sometimes now he still wakes up in the motn for no reason but I think thats habit moreso than adjusting to Bishop and I'm having trouble breaking that.

Since Bishop was around 4 months I noticed Griff becoming more and more clingy to me (not to DH though). I wouldn't really say he was jealous of Bishop though.

Now Bishop is 6 months (wow, how time flies!) and things are alright. Griff has his moments of clingyness but understands that if I'm rocking Bishop to sleep (or if Bishop is already sleeping) he has to be quiet. I guess he's gotten used to the routine now.

I hope things start to get a bit easier for you! I know for me things started to become easier with 2 kids when Bishop was around 4 months old. I didn't have to hold him all the time and he could sit and play in his walker or exersaucer.

tiffanyp · February 2013

Thanks guys. I feel better knowing that she will eventually adjust, whether it's one month or six. Hopefully we can get into a routine once MH goes back to work and my MIL goes home. It's weird though. I remember thinking how difficult the newborn stage was when Avery was a newborn. The idea of taking care of a newborn again seemed so daunting when I was pregnant. Now that she's here, the newborn stuff seems so easy. It's my toddler who is making me exhausted.

I wonder if this toddler stuff is going to seem super basic when my girls are teenagers...

chpswife · February 2013

DD goes through stages.....one day she loves P the next doesn't even acknowledge him. Her tantrums have become less frequent as I'm finding the balance between the two. I try to continue as we always did going to the park, playing outside, coloring together but with one more little person. Since I've been on mat leave she continued to go to DC/preschool at least two days a week and that has helped with tantrums. DH gets frustrated that she's not all about her brother yet but I remind him, she's 2. She'll come around....GL

jillybean800 · February 2013

xxbabycakesxx:
In the beginning it didn't seem like Griff even noticed Bishop. He still acted the same. Still threw the same amount of tantrums. The a few months later his molars started coming in so he was waking up in the motn again but thats understandable. Sometimes now he still wakes up in the motn for no reason but I think thats habit moreso than adjusting to Bishop and I'm having trouble breaking that.
Since Bishop was around 4 months I noticed Griff becoming more and more clingy to me (not to DH though). I wouldn't really say he was jealous of Bishop though.
Now Bishop is 6 months (wow, how time flies!) and things are alright. Griff has his moments of clingyness but understands that if I'm rocking Bishop to sleep (or if Bishop is already sleeping) he has to be quiet. I guess he's gotten used to the routine now.
I hope things start to get a bit easier for you! I know for me things started to become easier with 2 kids when Bishop was around 4 months old. I didn't have to hold him all the time and he could sit and play in his walker or exersaucer.

same thing...Alexander couldn't care less. Now he loves Benji and often tries to lie down on top of him to show this love...sigh...

It is much easier when the little baby can sit, I bet. Right now he can't, and it makes it hard to put him down to do other things.

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