Behavior issues

Mrs.RockyM · February 2013

DD doesn't seem to want to listen. she's having issues transitioning from activity to activity at preschool, won't nap, and is constantly being sent to the office.

Anyone recommend any books or behavioral techinques to help with DD? I will say we really started to see a change in her behavior this past summer, right as I was starting to really slow down and then as DD2 was born. She's going to be 4 in March, and I don't want this to continue to be a problem - especially if her academics are suffering.

DTNZ4Ever · February 2013

We have been seeing the same thing with our almost 4 year in March too. Not listening he has been pushing his friends at school. Punching kicking hitting spitting at home. Total disregard for anything we ask. Transitions at home are horrible. We tried everything time out, taking things away, using a stop light like at school. Today was the best night we have had in months. We are using a calm approach talking him through what he is doing. He seems to be listening to DH better right now so he is taking the lead and I follow up. It's tough but our daycare teacher says its a phase most 3 year olds go through. Good luck.

jlw2505 · February 2013

She is at a very hard age - I found with both my girls that from around 3 1/2 to around 4 1/2, they were the most challenging. Younger DD turns 5 in mid March and I have to say, things with her have really changed for the better over the last few months. Add in a sibling and yes, I think she is doing all the normal behavior things for her age.

That said, I swear by Love and Logic and 1 2 3 Magic and still use those methods with my almost 5 year old and 6 1/2 year old. I just adjust things to make them work with their ages and personalities.

Consistency is going to be key. Her behavior at preschool needs to be addressed by her teachers at school when it happens, not by you after the fact. She is at an age where she is going to test, test and test some more. She wants to do everything by herself and make all decisions by herself. Give her lots of options (you can do X or Z) and then let her choose. Make the options things you can live with. Let her try to do things and only offer to help if she is struggling but give her time to try on her own. Putting on her coat for example, tell her its time to leave, get your shoes and coat on - let her do it or try to do it for a few mins and then ask if she wants some help.

Let her help choose food for her meals - do you want a PB&J sandwich or a turkey sandwich? At play time, do you want to color or do a puzzle?

If she is not listening when you ask her to clean up her toys, tell her she has 5 mins to clean up. Remind her again at 3 mins and 1 min. If the toys are not cleaned up after 5 mins, the toys go into time out. Do this every time!

Consistency with everything is key. Find out how preschool is handling her beahvior issues and reinforce what they are doing. Remind her on the way to school that she needs to listen and follow directions. When you pick her up, ask her how her day was? If there were any issues, talk through how else the situation could have been handled and drop it. School needs to handle it as far as any consequences. If you are not happy with how school is handling things, talk to the teacher and come up with other ideas.

She will get past this but it may take awhile. Also, with the new baby - keep her involved but also make sure you are making time for just the two of you. Leave Dad home with the baby and go someplace with just her - even if it is just running an errand or during the babies nap time, play some games just the 3 of you.

jlw2505 · February 2013

cmeon_the_water:
Is there a reason they're forcing an older 3yo to nap? Both my kids dropped naps by 2yo- you bet they would be putting up a fight if their school tried to force one out of them.

Many programs still have a quiet time even into kindy so I don't think having a nap time for 3 year olds is an issue. My daycare/preschool and even the PreK program have naptimes. In my older DD's PReK, they do a 1.5 hour nap time and for the kids that don't nap, they are able to have books or puzzles or other quiet toys on their cots as long as they are silent and stay on their cot. My almost 5 year old has not napped since the fall but she will still fall asleep every once in a blue moon and the quiet time does her wonders. My older DD"s kindy class has a 30 min brain break where the kids all lay down on beach towels and the room is quiet and dark. A few of the kids still fall asleep at this point in the year and in the fall about half the class slept and honestly, the break in the day is really good for the kids. At our elementary all the kids PreK - 6, have a daily brain break in the afternoon. Starting in 1st grade, they don't have to lay down but it is quiet time in their classroom to just chill out.

lcherian · February 2013

https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Eating-Your-Child-Connection/dp/0761161198/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Many times behavioral issues are linked to food sensitivities (ie. Gluten, corn, milk, artificial colors, etc).

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