Home birthers with other kids at home?

jteneback · February 2013

How do you feel about your LO possibly witnessing the birth? Has anyone had a home birth with your other children present?

We will have my MIL on call but she lives an hour away and with the possibility of a fast labor (my labor with DD was 6 hours) it's totally possible she won't make it if this one comes really fast. And I would not want DH to leave to take her somewhere if things are progressing quickly.

I don't think it's inappropriate but I'm worried she will be scared especially if I get noisy. Thoughts or ideas?

LaurelBee · February 2013

I planned on having my Ds witness the birth, but luckily my mom was in town already, so she picked up Ds and took him swimming at her hotel pool that morning before my labor even started. My 2nd labor was extremely fast and I did not handle things well, tbh. I'm so thankful Ds wasn't there, bc I was a mess and I know it would've frightened him. But my mom brought him home afterwards so he could witness her newborn exam and he thought that was cool.

I would have a friend or neighbor be willing to watch your Dd just in case things get hairy and you are no longer comfortable with her there. But hopefully you have a more peaceful birth and she can witness it.

eta- I also watched birth videos on YouTube with Ds and talked about noises and things to expect. He seemed to not be affected by it, so I was comfortable with him being there. Just in hindsight, I'm grateful he wasn't, Kwim?

wifeofadam · February 2013

With the last homebirth my MWs discouraged me from having the kids around, so we had FIL come pick them up and keep them out of the house. I ended up having a long and painful delivery (posterior baby), so I was really glad the kids weren't there. DH would have definitely felt pulled between taking care of me and the kids.

This time, we may not have the help to watch the kids outside of the house, so we are setting up the birth tub back in my bedroom, where I can shut the door and keep the kids out (last time I was in our family room). So, I don't really care if the kids are in house, because I won't have to deal with them being around to distract me. Also, my bedroom is far enough away from our family room that I doubt the kids could hear me if they had a video on or something.

I do like the idea of having the kids in the house soon after the birth. They didn't come home for quite a while after the last one and I missed them and was dying for them to meet their new sister. If they are in the house this time, I look forward to calling them into the room once I get cleaned up and letting them meet this baby right away!!

To answer your question - I would have no problem with my kids witnessing the birth. I've shown them birth videos and am very honest about the whole process. My only fear is that they would distract me and just make it harder for me to focus on what I need to do. For that reason, I prefer not to have them in the room I'm delivering in if I can help it.

barnwife · February 2013

J. was 19 months old when A. was born. A relative of DH's came to be here while I was in labor so she could watch J. Had he wanted to be near me, I would have been fine with him (and her, or we would have asked someone else to watch J.) being in the room. My midwife requires you to have someone else to be in charge of LO.

FWIW, neither J. nor the relative was in the room once things got serious. She did pop her head in to find out the sex after she heard the baby cry. I was still in the tub holding baby. She could totally have stayed for a few minutes and it wouldn't have phased me.

I definitely think having someone to watch LO is a must. And it definitely would help if it's someone you wouldn't mind actually seeing the birth.

jteneback · February 2013

I'm hoping MIL makes it and can take her to the playground or something. Or that I go into labor after she's been dropped off at day care, that would be awesome!

But if it's in early in the morning and MIL takes forever getting out of the house and I deliver in like 2 hours I don't know where else she would be...

tantdylf · February 2013

DS will only be 15 months old and he's still bfing, so he will definitely be home. My mom will come to help with him while I'm in labor.

Even if he was older, I can't think of an age that I wouldn't want my children home while I was giving birth. I think of it as a totally normal and natural thing and not something my kids shouldn't see or be around.

Also my MW said she likes the only people there to have a purpose. DH obviously and then DS needs a separate caregiver from me, hence my mom and then my birth team. I asked my brothers wife to photograph.

Joyfullnoise · February 2013

It sounds like my first ld was very like yours. My first was 5 hours. We are calling a nearby friend to come to the house as we don't think family will make it in time. I think for our child disrupting his routine would bother him more than me grunting two floors away. But he will be young and is not particularly empathetic.

pinksweetpea2 · February 2013

My labor with DD 2 started at 10 pm, so she slept through most of it, however the last several hours my Mom was there (visiting from out of town because I had false labor and we just thought it might happen) so she took charge and took my DD out and about pretty much as soon as she woke up.

I am SO glad she was not there for the birth because the end of labor was very intense (I went from 2 to 10 in less than an hour and the baby was posterior until the last minute) and I was screaming my fool head off- I am going to die, I can't do this, etc. I was totally quite during my first birth, so this was not expected and I was so grateful my Mom was there because I KNOW that Lily would have been freaked out.

We called them almost immediately after she was born and she was there with us less than a half hour after her sister was born and it was perfect.

Yes, giving birth is natural...but that does not mean that it is always the best situation for a child. You have to do what is best for YOU and your family and make sure that you have someone there who is fully responsible for your child.

GL

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