why does my husband ignore holidays? — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

why does my husband ignore holidays?

birthdays, valentines, chrsitmas you name it he is terrible about giving gifts.  he says that growing up they didnt really celebrate (his mom is very selfish, husband agrees on that!) so he doesnt really celebrate now.  whenever i ask what he wants he says dont get him anything.   well i usually get him a couple small things, always a card at least.  like valentines today i got him a to go snack bag for work that included a chocolate heart, card, monster, chips, and coffee gift card...nothing huge just simple and i knew hed use it. 

well...he doesnt even get me a card.  i mean i am not a materialistic girl.  i dont enjoy spending money so i dont ever expect him to get me something huge...all i want is recongnition that he would go the extra mile to kroger and buy me a card or chocolates or flowers...how can i ask him to step it up without sounding mean? i feel very un important...

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: why does my husband ignore holidays?

  • Some men are just clueless.  Seriously...it isn't that they don't care, they just honestly don't think beyond "Well....today is Thursday"

    Sometimes you gotta make it simple for them.  Explain that it hurts your feelings that he doesn't even get you a card....then remind him again about the card a few days before....remind him AGAIN the day before.   Men hate to be nagged at, I can promise you that it will only take doing this for  a couple special days before he will start to remember.

    My boyfriend has never been someone to buy gifts/cards for the girls he is dating.  I seriously sent him  a few pictures of a couple inexpensive necklaces I liked at Christmas and said....THIS would be awesome for Christmas.  I ended up getting EXACTLY what I sent a picture of--along with a nice card.

    You gotta pick your battles.  If you are expecting perfect romance....you will probably be disappointed.  Just guide him a little....tell him very specifically what you want.

  • Loading the player...
  • imageletzgoracing81:

    Some men are just clueless.  Seriously...it isn't that they don't care, they just honestly don't think beyond "Well....today is Thursday"

    Sometimes you gotta make it simple for them.  Explain that it hurts your feelings that he doesn't even get you a card....then remind him again about the card a few days before....remind him AGAIN the day before.   Men hate to be nagged at, I can promise you that it will only take doing this for  a couple special days before he will start to remember.

    My boyfriend has never been someone to buy gifts/cards for the girls he is dating.  I seriously sent him  a few pictures of a couple inexpensive necklaces I liked at Christmas and said....THIS would be awesome for Christmas.  I ended up getting EXACTLY what I sent a picture of--along with a nice card.

    You gotta pick your battles.  If you are expecting perfect romance....you will probably be disappointed.  Just guide him a little....tell him very specifically what you want.

    I love all the generalizations here.....amazeballs!!!

    At least you incorporated your boyfriend in this analysis of how men think.  Horrible FAIL, but good effort.

    Now, I will agree with the communication portion of this post.  But most people need to be communicated with in this area, not just men. If my wife wants something, she tells me, and I remember it come gift giving time.

    This post makes it sound like men are knuckle-dragging tards right out of the movie Idiocracy. I can assure the author of this post that most men are very romantic and remember important dates when it comes to romantic moments. her boyfriend is certainly not the norm, so to speak.

    image

  • Loading the player...
  • 1)  whenever i ask what he wants he says dont get him anything.
       He means that. Even if you don't want him to mean it, he does. I tell my wife that all the time and I mean it. The card was more than enough for me yesterday, I was just glad to spend some time with my family after work.

    2) well...he doesnt even get me a card
       EPIC FAIL!!!  Regardless of his stance on gifts, as a husband he HAS TO KNOW that at a minimum a card and candy......MINIMUM!  You should sound mean and disappointed with him over this.  I know my wife would, and she would have every right to feel that way. 

    You will have to start communicating that reality to him, that regardless of what went on in that department in his youth, that does not apply to your household.

    But a husband knows the rules, we talk about them all the time.  He knows that not coming home with something on Feb. 14th is a huge no-no.  We all do!!

    image

  • Now, I will agree with the communication portion of this post. But most people need to be communicated with in this area, not just men. If my wife wants something, she tells me, and I remember it come gift giving time.

    I agree with what you say above....AND I do NOT claim to be an expert in 'guy thought' but if I really felt the way you mentioned below--I would have probably become a lesbian a long time ago.

    This post makes it sound like men are knuckle-dragging tards right out of the movie Idiocracy.

    I think the OP was more about her husband ignoring her request for at least a damn card.  All I was trying to do is remind her that sulking days before the holiday (which I have done in previous relationships) because you just KNOW he isn't going to do anything special isn't going to solve the problem--communication will.

  • My DS rocks Christmas. Seriously, comes up with the most awesome, well thought out gifts. 

    Then there's everything else- Christmas makes up for the rest of the year, generally, but birthdays and valentines day, anniversaries, etc. I have to be very specific with him "Ohhh I would LOOOOOOVE some tulips for valentine's day!" "Ohhh there is a new restaurant opening on the beach that offers limited seating during the month of our ANNIVERSARY!!!!"

    Each guy is different and maybe yours just needs clues like mine does.

    But in all honesty, if this is the worst thing your DH does, you have it pretty good :)  

  • A lot of it comes down to communication.  At work I find out there are different types of couples.  Some make huge deals out of all holidays, some that makes a bigger deal out of some holidays but Hallmark holidays they ignore.

     It sounds like your husband is in the group that doesn't really want to make a big deal out of any holiday.  It might take a while to get him to come around on the major holidays/events like Christmas and birthdays but I wouldn't expect him to come around for Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • imageWulfgar:

    A lot of it comes down to communication.  At work I find out there are different types of couples.  Some make huge deals out of all holidays, some that makes a bigger deal out of some holidays but Hallmark holidays they ignore.

     It sounds like your husband is in the group that doesn't really want to make a big deal out of any holiday.  It might take a while to get him to come around on the major holidays/events like Christmas and birthdays but I wouldn't expect him to come around for Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day.

     See above.  You need to tell him how you feel on the subject.  It's that simple.  Most people once they realize how it makes you feel should at least be able to get a card.

     
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards