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Special Needs
mom2pottamus
member
Need help with a delicate situation please..
mom2pottamus
member
I am in a bizarre situation and any advice would be appreciated. This might be confusing but it is a mess..
My DS gets services 2x a week at school. Today after I picked him up, one of DS' classmates mothers came up to me and said that the teacher had talked to her about having her son checked out by the IU because he seemed very smart and gifted, and the IU would make sure her son is "placed right". Her son is the youngest in the class by about 4 months. Our son's teacher told her my DS got services through the IU and when the teacher came next Wednesday, the teacher would ask her to also check out the other little boy(???). However the mother wasn't told it was a Special Ed teacher.
The mother asked me why I had DS checked out by the IU and I was taken aback; not because of my reasons for it, but b/c this mother was just told her son might be gifted and the IU should check him for that. Also because I didn't think that information should be shared. I told her in very vague terms why I did with my son b/c I had no idea what to say. I told her basically they can make sure he is placed right according to his skills, and if there is any area where improvement cane be made, the IU can help with that too.
I am so uncomfortable with what just happened. This mother clearly stated there is nothing that worries her about her son and they know how incredibly smart he is, so she thinks the IU will test for giftedness. They just returned from 3 months in their native country and the boy has been back at school for 2 days.
This child in question has had huge behavioral issues in class. On the playground after school one day my son's teacher said to another mom and I that she would have him pulled from the class if the mother didn't have him evaluated b/c he was such a huge disruption to the class. However I feel that I have no business whatsoever knowing that, or be in a position to tell another mother to have her son evaluated, particularly under false pretenses.
I have to do something, but have no idea and would love others input. I will see this other mother tomorrow at a bday party and she wants to talk then.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need help with a delicate situation please..
Yeah that was a lot of info... the other mother wants to talk to me more tomorrow about the services offered through the intermediate unit and how they identify giftedness tomorrow. At a birthday party. The teacher sent her in my direction to find out more info.
It sounds like the teacher is trying to work around mom perhaps being in denial that her son needs to be evaluated, that "giftedness" could be causing the behavior disruption rather than delays. Or maybe mom is just putting the spin on it that she wants to hear.
Personally, I'd just be upfront that I have no idea what they do in terms of giftedness, that they assess behavior and help a child get any services that they need to succeed in a classroom environment, and maybe share a little about your experience if you're comfortable.
I wouldn't like being put in the middle, but I'd also try to appreciate the fact that the school is trying to get this kid services and that mom may be in my boat soon.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
Thank you, I think the school wants to get him the services and the mom will have a hard time with that..I did share a little with her to say it was positive but she wants more.
Services are delivered in a community pre-school. The family is from India, the mother is proficient at English and I can communicate with her reasonably well. I did see the teacher pull her aside when class was over, and she came right up to me in the parking lot when I was talking with two other moms and asked if I was K's mom and started there. I do believe her to be truthful, I also think she has a suspicion a bomb might be getting dropped on her.
It isn't common knowledge he is pulled out with the parents, I haven't shared it with anyone. So yes she did violate his privacy which I am sorting out how I will address, I am trying to get a hold on how to talk to this mom before I do anything-I don't know that she told the mother what he gets services for just that he gets them. I think the teacher is using giftedness to get him started on an evaluation. Whatever the school needs to do that is fine, I don't want to be the person to tell her how the IU operates because I feel that isn't my place, but don't want to lie to her either.
If the other mother was reaching out b/c she had concerns I would be happy to talk to her, I just feel like I was thrown into this with no warning. I think I will just tell her more about DS to an extent and give her the contact info.
I feel thrown under the bus, but also don't want this other mother to have any negative feeling from this whole thing.
As for the teacher, yeah, there is a problem..
Wow, I would be really upset with the teacher, too. She should have asked your permission, privately, before referring the other mother to you. It's her job to handle that situation, no matter how difficult, and your right to protect your son's privacy and involve or not involve yourself.
I like auntie's suggestion of what to tell the other mother.
First I have had an experience where a teacher told me that another child in DS's class (who DS is friends with) had similar difficulty to DS and expressed what the parent did to encourage the betterment of the child in the classroom - he did not tell me to go talk to the childs parents though.
I would never think to discuss that with the childs parents, personally think its tactless on that parents part - UNLESS you brought it up yourself...that's your private business.
Auntie gave the best advice for what to tell that mother.
I would kindly also ask that the teacher not discuss with other parents your childs situation because you don't feel comfortable with another parent bringing it up to you. If this happened to me, I would be upset and explain the situation with the teacher expressing how you felt uncomfortable with that, maybe if they need evaulations discuss as a general child in the class - not bringing up your childs name - because not everyone is tactful.