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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
DH has cancer...
Well, I'm not a regular on this board (I guess we're all pretty new..). My DS is almost 4 weeks old and DD is over 2. So, it's been tough enough with #2. DS isn't soothed easily, I planned to return to work after 6 weeks. Yesterday we found out that DH has rectal cancer.
We don't know what stage so we don't know much yet about treatment, etc. I'm posting here because I want to be strong for DH and we haven't told any family. We don't want to share with family (who all live out of state) until we know what it is as I think we might have to deal with their reaction as well.
If you know of any tips, resources, etc. let me know. I know I will ask our friends to have DD over for playdates on the weekend (without us). We hired a temp nanny so DD wouldn't start daycare until he's 3 months so if we need her support for the kids, I have it. TIA.
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Re: DH has cancer...
I'm so sorry to hear your news.
If I were in your position, I'd contact a social worker at the hospital. They should have lots of resources for you. A friend of mine who had colon and liver cancer was immediately eligible for Medicaid coverage. I don't know if there would be similar resources available for rectal cancer. Social workers would also be able to figure out how to get support for your kids and you, including counseling options.
Best wishes to your family.
I am so sorry! Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. You have all of us here to talk to of course, but as PP said, I would also recommend a friend close by or someone to talk to.
I really hope it was caught early and treatment goes well!
I don't have any tips and/or resources, but I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you, your H and your family. Praying that this is an early stage and treatment can begin ASAP that soon enough, this will be a distant memory.
Good luck.
Could you possibly look into support groups? Perhaps the hospital where he will get treatment will have that information? Maybe even a Google search for your area could pull something up. You should talk about your feelings with other people. Staying strong doesn't mean staying silent. *hugs*
I recognize your name and siggy pic. I'm so sorry about your DH and I hope the cancer will turn out to be at an early stage and easy to resolve.
My suggestion would be to think seriously about the nanny and perhaps go that route rather than day care. Or, have someone seriously on call for PT care. It will give you so much more flexibility and make it much easier on you at home. The nanny can do some laundry, stay late as needed, even come on weekends/evenings if needed, as long as you hire someone who can be flexible like that. Best wishes.
Thank you everyone for the kind thoughts. I will look for a support group. We will tell family when we have some answers, at this point, they will have lots of questions that we don't have answers too.
Any organizational, support, etc. ideas are welcome.
You and your family are in my T&P's.
If you don't mind me asking was he having symptoms or did they find it routinely?
BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09
BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11
BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12
BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Do you have a church you are involved with? What about a support group through his doctor's office or treatment center? A new mom's group might be helpful too just because it may give you a fresh set of people to connect who you don't already have connections with, like a fresh start.
My "professional" opinion would be to not go down the Dr. Google rabbit hole too far. Find a provider you trust and feel secure with - someone who sees your husband as more than a patient and as a man with a very full life. Also, maybe a nutritionist because I am a firm believer in a healthy diet leads to a healthier body (duh) and that having a strong body can help fight many things.
Again, I'm so sorry and my prayers are with you.
BFP #1 6.19.11 ~ EDD 2.23.12 ~ CP on 6.22.11
BFP #2 7.23.11 ~ EDD 3.28.12 ~ MC on 8.16.11
BFP #3 11.17.11~ EDD 7.31.12 ~ MC on 1.18.12
BFP #4 4.12.12 ~ EDD 12.25.12~ Born on 12.26.12
So sorry to hear this. I'm an oncology nurse, and unfortunately have more (objective) experience with cancer(s) than I would like. If I can help answer any specific questions you might have, please feel free to PM me.
If DH ends up going through chemotherapy, you will need an extensive support system, not only emotionally for him and you, but also child care because chemo can be very (temporarily) disabling. It will be difficult for you to care for him, an infant, and a toddler - you'll feel stretched thin very quickly. Also, it's entirely possible he may have to have surgery at some point to remove part of his rectum/colon, and possibly/likely have a colostomy bag placed. You'll need child care during his hospitalization because hospitals are icky places for kids. If you can afford to keep a nanny on for a while, go for it. That's probably the better option; the more your kids can be in their own surroundings, the better.
Your (future) oncologist may have what they call a nurse navigator - this will be your go-to person as far as coordinating treatments, labs, and pretty much everything else. The doctor will choose and monitor the treatment course; the nurse navigator will be the one who arranges everything for you - he/she will be your greatest source of knowledge and resources, honestly. The cancer center your oncologist works at will likely have a lot of support resources for you as well.
Cancer is rarely a short, easy road. Make sure you ask for help when you need it - if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else.