Need opinions (post-birth FB photos and relatives)

keado · February 2013

Here is my dilemma. My inlaws will post the most awful pictures of my family on facebook . . . every picture of them is perfect, but everyone else just gets thrown up there. I'm talking the awful shots - eyes half closed, horrible angles, etc.

They will all have their cameras clicking constantly and won't leave us alone. It drove me nuts last time, but they didn't quite have the obsession with FB last birth that they do now.

I honestly would rather them not post photos of us at all, but since that is not a fight I'm going to engage in, is it unrealistic of me to very casually request that photos of me in the week or so after birth not be posted to facebook? They can be taken, kept in a safe place, and not distributed.

What do the April mamas think? Does anyone else feel the way I do?

JSS1002 · February 2013

I think that is totally fine.

I HATE it when people post pictures without any consideration to how the people in the pictures feel.

laurenbell09 · February 2013

I believe we are going to have the same problem. However, there is a way on FB to ensure that you don't get tagged in it. That's about all the control you have on them. You can kindly ask them not to post them and if they do, you can ask them to take them down. But there probably isn't a way to stop them from it.

StarBe · February 2013

just make it clear you want to be the first to post to facebook and would like everyone to ask your opinion of photos before posting.

This is 100% fair and exactly what I plan to do - and if they cant follow your wishes tell them no photos then.

asuchic · February 2013

I have an aunt who does this at every family gathering and it drives me crazy. The only thing you can do on FB is change your settings so you have to approve adding things to your timeline or being tagged in photos. Other than that, you may just have to nicely ask them to respect your feelings on this.

mrshall10210 · February 2013

Honestly, I would just say no cameras except for your own. If they're all on Facebook, tell them you'll be happy to tag them in your albums that you post and they can repost your pictures as they wish. If they're going to be taking pictures constantly, that would drive me crazy.

Ready4theParty · February 2013

I think that is more than acceptable.

We've asked that no photos get posted to facebook unless I've been able to shower and clean up. I'm aware it's kind of vain.

obie1680 · February 2013

I have a FB account and my hubby doesn't he hates FB. I told him from the begining that I didn't want pics of our newborn son on FB I feel that somethings should still be private! My SIL is ridiculous about posting every single thing about her day on FB I made it very clear to her that no one will be posting pics I have a shutterfly account to which I will be more than happy to share with everyone also I will be using Photo Stream for my iPhone to share pics with ones that also have and apple device. When our son is born we will send out a personal text to family & friends clearly stating please do not metion anything about the birth of our child on facebook. I would rather the world of people who I'm not friends with know that we aren't home & in the hopital as its none of their business. A friend of mine did the same thing over a year ago when her daughter was born and everyone respected their decision then after some time past they started posting pics of the baby I don't think you are wrong in the way you think at all!!

macgreen · February 2013

I completely agree with this. My DH gma gave duplicates to everyone of me breast feeding DS and walking to the bathroom with the lovely hospital offered mesh panties clearly visible in the pics. I was so mad I don't care if she takes pics but at least make sure I'm decent first!!!

skoogirl · February 2013

I don't really care what I look like in pictures. I also get annoyed when people tell me to remove pictures that captured a moment/memory because they never like the way that they look in pictures.

As for just after delivery, I think it's fine to ask that they not post pictures of you for a week or so or without your permission.

NativeFloridian · February 2013

While I think it's a reasonable request I find myself inclined to think (and advise you) that they probably won't honor your request. They don't sound like they care much about that sort of thing. Try not to be too mad if they don't?

I have a friend who posts ugly photos of friends on FB all the time. She thinks it's funny and refuses to delete them. It's maddening. You could always report the photos if they're really bad, but there's not much else you can do to have them removed once they're up.

skidderdo · February 2013

My family would not post pictures of the baby (or me in my pregnant state) without permission. My sister had her first baby last April and we did not post any pictures or announcements on FB without her approval... we just considered it HER announcement, that she could make when she was ready

msharpe2 · February 2013

laurenbell09:
I believe we are going to have the same problem. However, there is a way on FB to ensure that you don't get tagged in it. That's about all the control you have on them. You can kindly ask them not to post them and if they do, you can ask them to take them down. But there probably isn't a way to stop them from it.

Depending on how strict you are (we are pretty strict), you can ensure your child's photos do not end up on facebook. We informed all friends and family that we were not going to allow pictures of our son on FB, and all complied. After a while, some people asked again, and we stuck to our guns saying no. I had one obnoxious aunt who posted a pic anyway, and I asked her to take it down...she refused, and I reported the photo...it was removed (I think more because she was scared once she received a notice the photo was reported than anything).

We are a bit die hard about it, but I very much value our family's privacy. On and off the internet

CoachAP · February 2013

My husband's siblings are Facebook whores and we asked that no pics of the baby be put up until we announce it ourselves. I don't want the first pic of my child that some family sees to be via facebook or a pic that i did not approve/get to see first.

MN_Jen · February 2013

As a possible compromise, you could let them only post a pic or two of THEM with the baby. That way they get to share their excitement with their friends but you get some personal privacy.

Otherwise, I think you are not at all out of line to tell them no posting at all. Do you think they would listen?

mypalbabs · February 2013

#firstworldproblems

Casie13 · February 2013

mrshall10210:
Honestly, I would just say no cameras except for your own. If they're all on Facebook, tell them you'll be happy to tag them in your albums that you post and they can repost your pictures as they wish. If they're going to be taking pictures constantly, that would drive me crazy.

Totally agree with this.

AnnieJar · February 2013

I say it's totally legitimate request. This is a sore spot with me to this day. After my son was born my FIL posted a ton of pictures to FB and emailed them out to friends and family not on FB. This was all done without our permission. I am very private and would have resented it no matter what even if I had looked like a beauty queen. This was not the case however as I had a long difficult labor ending in a csection and then major complications afterwards that landed me in the ICU overnight. Add to all that I did a TON of crying because I couldn't see my son for almost the first 24 hours after birth so my face was swollen almost beyond recognition. Then about a week later when I found out about this and asked him to take the pics down he refused and my MIL said "don't worry I looked terrible too," well no one spread your photos around the Internet lady. So not only did I feel like he had completely violated my privacy and breeched my trust but I felt completely disrespected. So guess who can't bring their camera when they come to visit this time?

pinkiemo · February 2013

I third the no-cameras-allowed bit. Tell them you're happy to send them pictures or have them over at another time to take photos, but at the hospital the only cameras, including cell phone cameras, allowed will belong to you and DH. I hated the pic my mom decided to circulate of me drinking some water, barely clothed, with blood still all over the bed about an hour after birth. Never again.

kbeamer25 · February 2013

mrshall10210:
Honestly, I would just say no cameras except for your own. If they're all on Facebook, tell them you'll be happy to tag them in your albums that you post and they can repost your pictures as they wish. If they're going to be taking pictures constantly, that would drive me crazy.

I agree with this. I had two friends (both photographers) ask me if they could be in the delivery room to take photos of Kiya's birth and I was like: ABSOLUTELY NOT! Kyle and I are the only two people who are going to be in that room until we have some time to deliver our baby, have some one-on-one time to welcome her, and get her acclimated.

I think if you make it clear that you are open to share "your photos" on FB, it's a polite way of inadvertently telling them: "We don't want our new baby blasted all over FB without our approval of the photos." Better safe than sorry.

AllyP10 · February 2013

I think that's more than fair, for a few reasons:

1. Facebook is a very public place, and pictures loaded onto FB will be wandering around the internet for the rest of their lives.

2. It's your baby and if you don't want anyone posting pictures, you have the right to say "Don't do it". You should make the decision as to what pictures if anyone you want of your child posted on a public website.

I have an idiot family member who posted the grossest, most unflattering pictures of my cousin right after she had her son. She was on some different pain medications after an emergency c-section and she just looked awful. Her soon to be SIL posted the pics and her defense was "it's such a beautiful thing and beautiful time to celebrate"....well yeah that may be true, but the entire world doesn't need to celebrate with you when you look like total crap.

keado · February 2013

mypalbabs:
#firstworldproblems

This was uncalled for. Yes, this is a first world problem, but so is 90 percent of the crap posted on here.

Kate_C · February 2013

macgreen:
I completely agree with this. My DH gma gave duplicates to everyone of me breast feeding DS and walking to the bathroom with the lovely hospital offered mesh panties clearly visible in the pics. I was so mad I don't care if she takes pics but at least make sure I'm decent first!!!

Wow... Why would you share photos like that, particularly without asking the subject first?

nyki06 · February 2013

My MIL isn't on Facebook but she is constantly clicking at every family event. I do love that she documents our lives but I hate when people take photos of me without me being ready for it.

Could you compromise and let them take a family photo of you that you approve while in the hospital and then cut them off for distribution at that point? Then you could avoid the terrible photo and wouldn't have to completely limit them. If you really don't want any photos of you on Facebook though that's completely ok as well.

rmp25 · February 2013

I am lurking from March 13. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. We have the same policy. No one announces or posts to Facebook before I do, no pics of me post delivery. I do let folks post pics but mostly they would rather tag ones from my page. Also no mention of my cervix or other TMI delivery info on FB. I had a few pouters but mostly everyone was cool.

I did have one run in with my MIL. A few days before DS1 was born in a fit of maternity leave boredom my husband and I painted a jack o lantern on my bare belly and snapped a few shots (my son was born on Halloween). We shared with a few people never intending for it to be shared publicly. Fast forward a few days and my MILmhad showed the pic to half of the people in our small town. Needless to say my husband made her erase the photo and we had a discussion about boundaries.

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