How biitchy is this?

MrsSteSte · February 2013

There is no love lost between me and my coworker. There are a ton of people that I work with, but only one who does what I do. She's been here about half as long as I have, but has more experience. She always tries to show how much more she knows, which is nothing, and how much better slash faster she is, which is not at all. It's obviously a power struggle, and I refuse to engage her. She also has 2 kids, but is younger than me; this is our first pregnancy.

We're not friends outside of work, and we very obviously have very different personalities, lifestyles, attitudes, priorities, etc. We get along fine at work, it's not an unpleasant atmosphere or anything, but we don't pretend to be BFF.

I told me boss last week that I'm pregnant, and she told HR, with my ok. I told her I'm not ready to tell people yet, and she said that's absolutely fine. She did ask me to let her know when I do, so that she knows how to respond, which I agreed to do. I have told a very limited number of people, all that I am friends with outside of work, and they all know I'm not telling the masses yet.

Would it be really biitchy if I don't tell my coworker? Based on past conversations, I know she'll be just full of advice and things I HAVE to do, most of which I know I'm not interested in doing or hearing about. It's pretty obvious already in my normal clothes, but not yet in my scrubs. Because our schedules are staggered a bit, she doesn't really see me not in scrubs.

Tell it to me straight.

anvloveskme · February 2013

I don't think it is "bitchy" to not tell her - maybe if you lie to her if she specifically asks. I think sharing the news with people is all about your comfort level.

Ladydianna · February 2013

I don't think it's bitchy at all. She'll find out eventually and honestly it's none of her business.

MagPie 1986 · February 2013

Once everyone else starts finding out, word will spread like wildfire and she'll find out. If you're not friends with her, I see no need to tell her directly especially if you feel like it's going to cause you more stress and angst. She sounds like a peach. I wouldn't say anything; she'll find out through the grapevine.

livleen3 · February 2013

Its totally your decision!! Its your news to share.. But once you do tell someone it could get around and that girl might feel hurt. I say this only b/c Im assuming in her head she probably thinks you guys might be close friends? It's really your life your decision. Maybe tell everyone at the same time whenever you feel ready..

goatgirlnyc · February 2013

I don't think it's bitchy at all they'll figure it out eventually. I don't think you have to make a formal announcement to people who you think are weenies.

I agree with a pp that said it would be bitchy if she asked about it and you lied. Maybe it wouldn't be bitchy but it would be kind of weird to lie about something like that.

m1ssl1ss · February 2013

Honestly I'd probably tell her now. If she is truly looking to take the reigns she'll start her biitchfest and planning now-- and at least now, before bad baby brain or before mat leave, you will be around to calmly show management your hand and obviously that you're the bigger person. Who knows, maybe she'll come off as crazy to them :P
Just a thought.

punkin05 · February 2013

I don't think it's biitchy. It is your news to share with who you wish. I was working full time in a male dominated industry (oilfield supply company) when I was pregnant with DS. I told the managers and the one office admin (the only other woman at the company) that I was friendly with, but no one else. I didn't think the 30+ other men that I worked with needed to know that I was pregnant. Eventually, they figured it out when I was about 7 months along during the summer, but it wasn't something I was just going to tell everyone.

MrsSteSte · February 2013

Your responses make me feel better. I was worried it wasn't the "friendly" thing, and was feeling kind of obligated. I know it's silly, but if it were the "right" thing to do I'd probably do it regardless of my feelings on it.

I'm not really concerned about her power slash control issues. I've been assured may times by people above us that we are peers and neither is or will be the others boss. My boss point blank asked if I plan on returning after the babe, and my answer was a resounding YES. So hopefully this won't impact anything in the eyes of the higher ups.

zora51 · February 2013

I agree, it's not bitchy. Just not the best if she DOES find out and you lie about it. It's YOUR exciting news to tell, and to "have" to tell someone you don't care for? I think that takes away from the joy of it! She'll find out, and who cares if she's hurt or says something. You guys don't hang out outside of work, so she can't be stupid, she knows you guys aren't close. Just my opinion, but don't feel obligated to tell!!

MrsSteSte · February 2013

I forgot to mention I would definitely never, ever lie about it. But I think it'll be a long time until she has the balls to flat ask me, without any confirmation or suggestion from anyone else.

I don't know what would happen if she asked one of the people who knows, though. I guess I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

Soleil3 · February 2013

I wouldn't lie to her if she straight out asks but its not bitchy to not tell her.

punkin05 · February 2013

MrsSteSte:
I forgot to mention I would definitely never, ever lie about it. But I think it'll be a long time until she has the balls to flat ask me, without any confirmation or suggestion from anyone else. I don't know what would happen if she asked one of the people who knows, though. I guess I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

When all the men I worked with started to suspect I may be pregnant, none of them flat out asked me if I was. A few of them asked the other woman I worked with if I was, and she asked me if it was ok for her to tell someone if they asked her. I had no problem with it. I was actually quite impressed because I didn't expect the men to really know about or understand the rule of "you never ask a woman if she's pregnant".

Laurakat81 · February 2013

I don't see anything bitchy about this. I've only told one person at work and only because she is due three weeks after me. I don't care to announce to anyone else. They can find out when its obvious. I'm not being bitchy...I just don't care to engage in meaningless conversations or like you, get unsolicited advice.

kateisgreat · February 2013

I don't think it's bitchy at all. I'm not going to tell anyone I work with other than my supervisors. I work from home, and only see them every few months, so everyone will figure it out the next time I go in. I figure my pregnancy is a need-to-know kind of thing. DH and I are only telling immediate family, close friends, and our bosses. Things get passed through the grapevine well enough anyhow.

MrsI · February 2013

I work with a coteacher everyday and chose not to tell her until we made it public last night. And I didn't even tell her personally then, I just let her see it on FB with the rest of the world. TBH I tolerate her to get through my day but can't stand her as a person so didn't feel any "want" to share my happy news. She also told people with DD before I planned on telling them so this time she didn't have the option. I only announced because I am 14 weeks and starting to show and can't really hide it in my work uniform so figured I'd rather out myself.

aishaweatherford · February 2013

I dont think its bitchy at all. I wish I didnt tell my co worker. She now introduces me as the pregnant lady out of spite that here daughter isnt pregnant. She has been terrible to be ever since she found out.

Monilee1017 · February 2013

Its not bitchy. Tell her when you feel like it. Once most the office knows it will get around to her but you don't have to tell her at all if you don't feel like it.