Feel so bad for letting baby cry to sleep with Dad...

mel_emeraldeyes · February 2013

Hi,

Every time my husband tries to put my son to bed, which is maybe once a week and I'm usually home, my son cries and cries. It is such a sad cry that I've never heard him do with me. I always feel so guilty and sad to hear him so upset so I just end up going in and put him to sleep myself. As soon as I take him, he stops crying and goes to sleep right away. I felt like he is never going to learn to go to sleep with others if I keep "coming to the rescue" and the problem is only going to get worse. So, tonight I didn't go in. I listened to him cry the saddest cry It lasted for about 8 minutes and then he settled for my husband. I feel so guilty. Was this the wrong thing to do?

sashmom · February 2013

No, not at all. I can understand you feeling that way, but I think your baby needs to learn to fall asleep with others and to be able to be comforted by his dad too. It wouldn't be healthy, especially for you, if you were the only one able to comfort him... this could get so exhausting for you. You've totally done the right thing and I think the whole family will be better rested as a result.

beckcour · February 2013

sashmom:
No, not at all. I can understand you feeling that way, but I think your baby needs to learn to fall asleep with others and to be able to be comforted by his dad too. It wouldn't be healthy, especially for you, if you were the only one able to comfort him... this could get so exhausting for you. You've totally done the right thing and I think the whole family will be better rested as a result.

I totally agree.

PepperStick · February 2013

sashmom:
No, not at all. I can understand you feeling that way, but I think your baby needs to learn to fall asleep with others and to be able to be comforted by his dad too. It wouldn't be healthy, especially for you, if you were the only one able to comfort him... this could get so exhausting for you. You've totally done the right thing and I think the whole family will be better rested as a result.

All of this. When my daughter was a baby I was the only one who put her to sleep. Her dad tried a few times, got frustrated after a few minutes of her crying and gave up. Now, at over two years old she STILL only wants me to put her to sleep. She's a daddy's girl all day long but when nighttime comes only mommy will do. It's completely exhausting because the same cycle is starting again with DS.

CnAnA · February 2013

I think you did just fine!

Husband can't put DD down to sleep. They both run hot, so when he cuddles her close for sleep, they both start sweating!

aimee413 · February 2013

Now I'm nervous! I am the only one who puts dd to sleep. She is 12 weeks and it's been all me.....bedtime and night feedings. She is ff but I stay home and dh works so I take on the most of the work and I feel that I have a system and he will mess it up. lol
But I really do need to switch things up a little and let him put her to bed.
Especially since we are taking my ds to the circus tomorrow and my SIL will be watching dd. we will be home after her usual bedtime and I'm not sure what to do. Do I have SIL put her to bed or wait for me?!? Every night varies but she goes to bed between 8:30 and 10. We will be home around 9:30 / 10. I just don't want to miss that window and try to put to bed an overtired 3 month old.

So yes I think what you did was very necessary. It took less than 10 mins so that's not bad. I'm sure it felt longer at the time. But its good to get LO comfortable with dad too! It will be good when you get a night out. lol

gnomemom · February 2013

Nope, you did the right thing. Your DH needs to know how can soothe his son on his own without having to be rescued by you. Constantly coming in there to do it for him undermines him as a parent and isn't helpful to any of you. Your DH will find his own way to comfort your LO. It's hard to listen to LO cry, but it really is for the best.

Don't stress...you did the right thing, mamma. And if it happens again, you should do the same thing. It will get better.

mamaHippo23 · February 2013

I was the same way until I started back at school and had to let other people help me. I had to be okay with other people feeding him and putting him to sleep even though I knew I could rush in there and get in done in about a minute. Now when someone else is going to put him to sleep I go downstairs and start doing something else to distract myself or leave the house to run an errand. My dad puts him to bed when I go to my night class and yes, he does cry for maybe 15-20 minutes, but then he gets over it and goes down for the rest of the night. Each person will find their own way w/ your LO if you give them the time and space to do it.

Kissty · February 2013

You absolutley did the right thing! Before long he'll go to bed with Dad just fine. We're fighting our own battle. We switch off on nights we watch my son since we both work. He had been sleeping throught the night and then Bam! 4 mos. wakeful. He gets up ususally once a night between 3 & 5:30. When it's my turn I give him a bottle and he's fed and asleep within 30 mins. My Husband on the other hand...it takes about an hour. My son sees Dad and wants to play. Happened at 5 this morning. I took over and he was almost asleep but I had to go or be late. We handed off and it took 45 mins. after I left for him to go back to sleep. My son will go to sleep at bedtime just fine for my husband now. It used to be just me but we kept working on it and it takes no time now. It'll happen if you let it. Good Luck handling the tears.

mamathefox · February 2013

mel_emeraldeyes:
Hi,
Every time my husband tries to put my son to bed, which is maybe once a week and I'm usually home, my son cries and cries. It is such a sad cry that I've never heard him do with me. I always feel so guilty and sad to hear him so upset so I just end up going in and put him to sleep myself. As soon as I take him, he stops crying and goes to sleep right away. I felt like he is never going to learn to go to sleep with others if I keep "coming to the rescue" and the problem is only going to get worse. So, tonight I didn't go in. I listened to him cry the saddest cry It lasted for about 8 minutes and then he settled for my husband. I feel so guilty. Was this the wrong thing to do?

I am having the same problem. DH is sad and thinks its bc she doesn't love him! I tell him that is not it, but she can feel that I am more relaxed and I will walk with her and she calms down when she gets a change of scenery....I tell him to walk with her. He thinks having her lay on his stomach while he watches TV will make her happy - ya right!? She wants to sit up, be held standing or watch cartoons...he will get it eventually. I think they babies feel the tension in our DH's and that makes them more upset too....

NBiancamano · February 2013

Nothing like a mothers touch! But yes dad needs to try to put him to sleep. My husband also thinks sitting the baby next to him while watching TV is going to put him to sleep! I go back to work next week and my husband took off of work to my my transition easier so I can't wait to see how he does day and night lol!

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