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SAHM Help!

babycasalinsbabycasalins
in Multiples

I recently became a SAHM. I have 5 month old twin girls and well quite frankly I'm going on week 2 and it's really hard! I'm new to the Kansas City area and I'm afraid to go out alone with the girls.. My friends and family (that live in Miami-SUPER FAR FROM KC) say that I'm very lucky to be staying at home and to try and enjoy these moments because they go by so fast and I'll never get them again.. I don't know many people here and I would love to hear suggestions from other moms on how to keep my sanity?? I love my kids and I'm happy to be able to spend all this time with them-but I feel guilty that I kind of wish I could go back to work... Does that make me a terrible mother???

would love some feedback and suggestions on how you guys do it...

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Re: SAHM Help!

  • zombiemommyzombiemommy member
    That doesn't make you a bad mom at all! I'm not a SAHM, but my husband is a SAHD. I think the internet can be a great tool for meeting people, especially other moms of multiples. Being at home can be isolating, but I think getting out at least every other day, even it's just a walk around the neighborhood, can really help. Good luck and don't beat yourself up!
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  • chickaboo1974chickaboo1974 member

    I am SAHM- I would suggest finding a mom's group- either a multiples group or just a general group.  Getting out is always good- Iuse to take my guys to the nearest mall and just walk around- or Target.  When the weather improves- walk around the park or your neighborhood- get to know your neighbors maybe there is a couple of SAHM that would welcome a friendship.

    Oh and I know what you mean about going back to work-- I have days that I think " I use to manage 20-30 people, I dealt with governement guidlines  and agencies... but now I can name all the engines on Thomas and Friends, and I know all about Elmo" I miss the adult interaction. But then one of my guys will say "Mama love u" melts my heart everytime.

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  • leapgirl8leapgirl8 member

    Yes, you are a terrible mother ;) 

    You need to get out of the house. Join a mom's group (multiples or not) - you will find a few people to connect with, and can start planning coffee dates or walks or whatever with them. Besides that, find a few things you can do every week - like on Mondays storytime at the library, Tuesdays we stay home, Wednesdays walk around the track at the gym or go to the park, etc. Having a schedule and things to look forward to will make a huge difference. 

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  • Reilly626Reilly626 member
    Have you been home with them since birth? I took off a year of work to raise them. When they got sick around Christmas RSV and we were stuck in I felt really isolated, but now that they are better, flu season is waning down and spring is coming I'm better. It is hard to go to eating lunch with friends and having adult interaction to just talking to babies. I'm trying to soak it all in before its over. I agree with the smiles! Can you join twins club I haven't had luck there to be honest, or Gymboree to get out and talk to others? Have you tried meet ups.com? New mom groups are on there. I agree though being a sahm is very hard work and can be isolating!
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  • mrsjamimrsjami member
    Staying at home is harder for me than work! I'm hoping this time around will be better bc I know that about myself and know getting out, schedule and activities help.

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  • TwinsmakefourTwinsmakefour member
    Sahm when the kids are infants is so hard bc they don't talk and not really doing activities. When I had my first I was very lonely bc none of my friend were staying home yet. So I joined the YMCA and they had an awesome daycare so that would be our outing for the day. I also went on Meetup.com and found a local moms group. Good luck. You will love it as they get older and you won't miss anything.
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  • GoMaltby18GoMaltby18 member

    The first few months of staying at home are hard.  You need to find your groove, and it will definitely help if you can meet people somehow.  MoMs group, local meetup group, Gymboree for your LOs, something to get you out and around people who are doing the same thing you are.

    We are military and moved several times before DS1 was two, so I had to start over a few times.  Do you have other mom friends around the country you can call during the day?  Even phone time (or video chatting with your parents or something) can help you feel like you are around people.

    Invent errands.  Sure, you could buy postage online but if you need to mail something pack everyone up and go to the post office. You get out, your LOs get a change of scenery, and you even get to interact with other grownups!  

    Find a local breakfast place you like that is kid friendly and go the same day every week.  It gets you out and helps you establish a routine.  

    5 months is a hard age: they are alert but don't really do much.  Don't feel like you are going to ruin their Harvard chances if you aren't spending your day with them doing flash cards or reading books.  A membership to local botanical gardens where you can walk will be just as enriching for them.  Ditto the zoo, an aquarium, museum, etc. 

    ETA: I haven't done it with twins yet, but I know getting out with an infant can be daunting.  That's why it's good to start small, with kid friendly areas that you can clear out of fast in case someone totally loses it.  You can do this! 

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  • MuseumMavenMuseumMaven member
    You are not a terrible mother. There were so many days when the boys were small that I wished I could drop them off at daycare!

    I agree that getting out of the house is essential. Some of my favorite places when the boys were tiny were Target, the mall, the zoo, the aquarium, and the botanical garden. It is hard to go on outings with twins, but the more you do it the easier it gets.

    I was pregnant when we moved to a new city, so I know it's tough. The best thing I did was join our local moms of twins club. I've made great friends and we have organized playdates that helped me get to know other moms.

    Good luck. I know it's really hard, but you can do it!
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  • QBall27QBall27
    I'm not a SAHM, but my sister is & several of my friends are... I agree with PP that finding a mothers' group or other "activities" (whether really for you or for them as they get a bit older) is key.  You could see if your local Nestie board is active.  I know that's where a bunch of the moms I know met each other & meet up for play dates.  GL!
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