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November 2012 Moms
Needing advice...
I'm going to try to make this short and avoid the E! True Hollywod Story version and just give you the needed details.
I currently live in Ohio, moved here for a job about 2 years ago... have always disliked the job and this state until I met BD. Now I am debating on moving back to Minnesota. Well, I really would love to move back but the decision is more complicated than that.
BD and I hadn't known each other very long when I found out I was pregnant. Both of us were extremely excited. I don't know why but around the 7th month of my prenancy he decided to try heroin. (I know right... who just tries that stuff??) I knew of his past struggle with addiction to prescription meds but as far as I knew he was clean. I knew something was way off for a couple months but didn't have physical evidence to prove to him and his mom and dad that he was using herion until Nov 21st. (MY LO was born on the 23rd). Needless to say I told him in order for him to have anything to do w/ me or LO he had to check himself in somewhere and get ALL THE WAY CLEAN!
Fast forward to now... he's using, it's bad and he looks like he's lost over 25lbs. I haven't seen or talked to him in over a month because I chose not to deal with it and don't want that for my baby girl. I am completely okay with this decision and don't have any apprehension about it. Just sad that my baby girl won't know her Dad. I don't have a very close relationship with any of his family. His parents have been as helpful as possible (but his mom has been a bit niave through this whole ordeal). I don't have any of my own family here in Ohio. So as you can naturally understand why I'm gravitating towards moving back "home" to MN.
The thing is.... no job back in MN. It's extremely hard to apply and interview for positions from another state. Also, I feel bad to just walk away from my job here unless I know they had someone to replace me. But that's tough because you need an MBI security clearance to do my job and it takes a while to get, but I don't know if I want to stay that long for them to get somebody cleared. How would you approach your supervisor? I don't even know where to begin.
Life has gotten reasonably better over time... and I am pretty happy most days but I think its because LO gives me sooo much joy. I also have a group of people at church who have rallied around me and K. If any of you have any advice on how you would handle a move and career change as such... I'm open ears.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Needing advice...
Sounds like you are handling things really well! My sister was in a similar situation so I know how tough it can be. If I were you, I'd start looking for jobs in MN. It will be hard sure, but not impossible to find a job while out of state. And, your current job will figure your replacement. You have to put you and your LO first and do what you think is best, which sounds like moving home.
Also, I'm sorry you're dealing with this! Addicition is a dirty biatch. Protect yourself and your baby girl.
I was going to say all of this. It is difficult out of state, but people do it all the time. You and LO are #1 so do what you need to. Until then good luck and we are here for ya if you need to vent!!
I appreciate all the support! I figured you'd all say as much! Gotta love Nov. BMB! I guess I'll just have to get the balls to pull my supervisor into my office and have a chit chat. I am sure she will be supportive once I tell her I'm looking for a new job back in MN... but hate me as well b/c she will be the one to pick up my duties if I leave before a replacement is hired.
As for any of you HR ladies ( I know you're out there!!)... who knows their way around a resume.. mind looking at mine?
And now that my skeleton is out of the closet I'll keep you updated and vent if any new drama reveals itself.
Ditto.
I was engaged to a drug addict before I met DH, and I wasted two years of my life on him, hoping "my love would change him". I'm sure he loved me the best he could, but when drugs are involved, he will always love the drug more. Period.
Do you think your family would be able to help you and your LO out while you find a job? Like, just move to MN now, and go from there??
If you ever need to vent, feel free to on the board, but you can also PM me, too
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BFP #1 06.20.11 I EDD 03.22.12 I MMC 09.01.11 (baby measured 6w4d) I D&C 09.07.11
BFP #2 02.21.12 I EDD 10.29.12 I DS born 11.06.12
Surprise BFP #3 07.27.13 I EDD 04.02.14 I Stick baby stick!
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** I'm hopping all over boards these days, please @quote me for speedy replies
**
ETA: damn mobile bump!
I'm mobile right now but will send you PM tomorrow.
My family and friends are being more than supportive. They are all willing to help... I'm just kinda wanting to make sure i can support my LO without having to depend too much from others.
You all confirmed that the choice of moving bacck is for the best. Thanks again for your input!
Sorry you are dealing with this.
If I were you, I'd move back to MN. I am sure your job will understand if you explain that since the birth of your daughter you have decided that you need to be near family. Let them deal with replacement. Not your worry.
As far as the backstory---I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. It sounds as if you have tried to help him. You cannot change the choices of others. Worry about you and your daughter....if his family has a desire to be a part of her life they will find a way to keep in touch.
You should notice your problem clearing up in the next couple of days.
I'd move.
Maybe your supervisor can help get you in line with a new job back home... something with super top secret clearance? Surely those people all know one another, no?
Your awesome for taking care of you and your sweet baby girl.
I second the advice to get BD to sign over his parental rights.
P.S. I also love when I'm on a real computer and I get to see your siggy. Her lips. I die.
TWO A DAY?!? HA... I would be rolling around like this...
As for the security clearance connections... I'm kinda hoping something like that will surface once I let the cat out of the bag that I am planning on moving back to MN. Now that I think of it there might even be a website with jobs posted strictly for people w/ clearances. Ahhhaaah! Going to look right now! And as for BD and his parental right... honestly I'm not extremely worried about that being an issue. To be honest I could never see him wanting go through any legal action being in the state of mind that he's in now. Plus, no Judge would ever grant him his wishes regarding K anyways. One day I hope he can be a better Dad to LO. And once she's old enough she can decide what kind of relationship she wants to have with him. That's how my mom handled the situation with my dad and I'm thankful she did.