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2nd Trimester
happywife2b
member
Is my man Deaf? (long)
happywife2b
member
This is kinda' me seeking input, kinda' me freaking out about money, kinda' me being hormonal...Fair warning!
My B-day is right after V-day, so I always expect a combo gift and am totally fine with that. In order to make this easy on my man I tell him in advance exactly what I want. No hinting, I tell him straight out. Hints do not work with him. Then I tell him where to get it and the price. All pertinent details. Include the fact that I am rather frugal and he is definitely NOT; the word "budget" is not in his vocabulary. I am embarrassed by large/expensive gifts and feel guilty about all the things that money could have been spent on, instead of my silly present.
This year I fell in love with the Sally Hansen at home Gel Manicure kit. It's $65 at Target. Instead, he disclosed to a friend that he planned to buy me a Cartier wedding band and take me out of town for a 'surprise' wedding.
Now, all of that is amazingly sweet and I am wowed by his planning and thoughtfulness. BUT... We had already planned and budgeted for our intimate elopement ceremony to take place in May, after the season ends here in Miami and prices on everything drop dramatically. That extra/saved money would then go toward baby purchases like crib, car seat, stroller... In all, our wedding and wedding night celebration/staycation would have cost us around $1,500. I was content to wait for a ring until well after LO is born, since my hands are already swelling and I wouldn't be able to wear it anyway. We have already planned our real 'honeymoon' for when LO is around 6 mos so we can leave him with my family, who can't wait to spoil him rotten. We are going to Tokyo and will be going in the winter so it will be pretty cheap for us, using only miles to fly and getting off-season hotel rates. Yes, I've really planned this out, tried to be as fiscally responsible as possible, and agonized over every detail.
Am I being an ungrateful *** by not wanting this surprise wedding/vacation? What should I do? I am really at a loss. My natural instinct is to tell him I don't want what he is planning, and to just get me the damn nail kit. But I know he would be crushed. I am also really touched by the thought he has given to this surprise and how eager he is to do all of this for me. I am ambivalent and would welcome your input and advice.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is my man Deaf? (long)
Make a pregnancy ticker
OK, so I have two thought processes on this:
1. So the "I like to save money" part of me can see where you are coming and would rather wait to save the money.
2. The other part of me says you're being "ungrateful" and I honestly say that in the nicest way.....he is trying to surprise you vs. doing some planned event and he will most likely be crushed if you tell him you just want a nail kit.
Therefore, if you really love and trust him, I think you should really just let things happen...if he surprises you then so be it! And be happy
Because you should be happy if this is the guy you want to marry and you are having a baby together!
Why in the world did that person spoilt the surprise? That's not cool.
Anyway, my husband is the same way. I say, let it go and don't ruin the surprise. After the wedding, maybe you can return the ring and get something more reasonably priced.
Ditto this!
Lucky! Normally I would say the friend sucks for spoiling the surprise but if your initial reaction was against his plan I actually think it's good you had advance warning. It's better that you have time to prepare mentally than if he sprung it on you and drove you to flip out from the stress.
If you can indulge his romantic side and still make it financially I also think its worth it. You seem very fiscally responsible so I'm sure you will find ways to save elsewhere down the road. We all need to splurge and just make good memories sometimes! You can show your baby pictures of the time daddy surprised you with a romantic getaway wedding while the baby was in your womb.
I thought about this all day. I guess I did spring the ultimate surprise on him when we got pregnant unexpectedly. He didn't have any say in the matter, and still he has been totally supportive, involved and excited. We weren't planning to have a baby for a few more years and he has had to change a lot of his own plans, make concessions and give up certain things he was hoping to have/do. In contrast, the only major change to my life has been hormonal.
In light of all that I think I would be really selfish and mean of me to reject his romantic gesture. Thanks for your advice, ladies. I will not get an ulcer thinking about the extra expenditure! I'm glad I had some time to absorb this before the event!
No, OP said that she got pregnant unexpectedly!