Jealousy

MarissaLynnS · February 2013

Hi everyone, this is my first post and certainly NOT what I would have guessed I'd be asking for advice on. I'm currently 21 weeks into my first pregnancy and am noticing a very different attitude to my being pregnant than I expected. Other women are jealous?! I don't really know how to deal with it and it's really stressing me out. At first I just noticed a general change in demeanor with some of my female friends and coworkers, now it's full on being ignored and avoided. I finally got an inside scoop from another one of my coworkers who didn't seem phased and she told me that they were very jealous and wished they were pregnant. How weird is that?

Any advice?

flerlgirl · February 2013

First of all, welcome.

Second, that is weird. Why are they jealous? None of them have children?

kaleyandjason · February 2013

Hmm

Super weird.

MarissaLynnS · February 2013

Nope, no kids and they're in their 30s which is part of the problem I'm thinking. I keep trying to have the mindset that it's their problem not mine but it's really bugging me. It makes me feel somewhat guilty and uncomfortable. I was just expecting everyone to be excited for me.

MrsAuby · February 2013

That is a little odd. Were these other women trying to get pregnant? That could be a reason they are jealous, but it's a little weird that they are all acting strange...

flerlgirl · February 2013

MarissaLynnS:
Nope, no kids and they're in their 30s which is part of the problem I'm thinking. I keep trying to have the mindset that it's their problem not mine but it's really bugging me. It makes me feel somewhat guilty and uncomfortable. I was just expecting everyone to be excited for me.

That is strange. Maybe if none of them have kids or have been pregnant they just don't know what to say.

atangiblewish · February 2013

Maybe they have suffered a loss and it hurts.

kaleyandjason · February 2013

MarissaLynnS:
Nope, no kids and they're in their 30s which is part of the problem I'm thinking. I keep trying to have the mindset that it's their problem not mine but it's really bugging me. It makes me feel somewhat guilty and uncomfortable. I was just expecting everyone to be excited for me.

Why did you expect this? They aren't your family or close friends. They are your coworkers and they have their own lives. It can revolve around you.

Do you talk about your pregnancy constantly? Maybe it isn't that they are jealous. Maybe they are sick of hearing about it.

Michaela2011 · February 2013

SouthSideDrea:
kaleyandjason:

MarissaLynnS:
Nope, no kids and they're in their 30s which is part of the problem I'm thinking. I keep trying to have the mindset that it's their problem not mine but it's really bugging me. It makes me feel somewhat guilty and uncomfortable. I was just expecting everyone to be excited for me.

Why did you expect this? They aren't your family or close friends. They are your coworkers and they have their own lives. It can revolve around you.

Do you talk about your pregnancy constantly? Maybe it isn't that they are jealous. Maybe they are sick of hearing about it.

This is pretty much where I went too. Nobody on earth will care a fraction as much about your pregnancy as you do. Manage your expectations. And maybe don't take one woman's word that you are the envy of the workplace as gospel.

Obviously we don't know you IRL so maybe you just have crappy coworkers. It's just like weddings though - if it's not your wedding, you don't get overly excited about it. My best friend used to talk constantly about her wedding (before she was even engaged) - I was sick of it pretty quickly!

FordFalcor · February 2013

Very strange.

Now I can't stop singing "Jealousy" by... Natalie Merchant, I think. 90's music FTW.

kmkaull2 · February 2013

SouthSideDrea:
kaleyandjason:

MarissaLynnS:
Nope, no kids and they're in their 30s which is part of the problem I'm thinking. I keep trying to have the mindset that it's their problem not mine but it's really bugging me. It makes me feel somewhat guilty and uncomfortable. I was just expecting everyone to be excited for me.

Why did you expect this? They aren't your family or close friends. They are your coworkers and they have their own lives. It can revolve around you.

Do you talk about your pregnancy constantly? Maybe it isn't that they are jealous. Maybe they are sick of hearing about it.

This is pretty much where I went too. Nobody on earth will care a fraction as much about your pregnancy as you do. Manage your expectations. And maybe don't take one woman's word that you are the envy of the workplace as gospel.

Agreed. Be careful not to judge too quickly. Maybe they've had miscarriages. Maybe someone is dealing with infertility. Unless you've been there, you have no idea how hard it is to hear about pregnancy and babies.

kread8 · February 2013

kmkaull2:
SouthSideDrea:
kaleyandjason:

MarissaLynnS:
Nope, no kids and they're in their 30s which is part of the problem I'm thinking. I keep trying to have the mindset that it's their problem not mine but it's really bugging me. It makes me feel somewhat guilty and uncomfortable. I was just expecting everyone to be excited for me.

Why did you expect this? They aren't your family or close friends. They are your coworkers and they have their own lives. It can revolve around you.

Do you talk about your pregnancy constantly? Maybe it isn't that they are jealous. Maybe they are sick of hearing about it.

This is pretty much where I went too. Nobody on earth will care a fraction as much about your pregnancy as you do. Manage your expectations. And maybe don't take one woman's word that you are the envy of the workplace as gospel.

Agreed. Be careful not to judge too quickly. Maybe they've had miscarriages. Maybe someone is dealing with infertility. Unless you've been there, you have no idea how hard it is to hear about pregnancy and babies.

All of this.

MarissaLynnS · February 2013

Thanks for the responses!

beachbum0084 · February 2013

ihearttab:
Very strange.

Now I can't stop singing "Jealousy" by... Natalie Merchant, I think. 90's music FTW.

Hahaha me too

ChristyD6 · February 2013

beachbum0084:
ihearttab:
Very strange. Now I can't stop singing "Jealousy" by... Natalie Merchant, I think. 90's music FTW.
Hahaha me too

dang, now me too!!

OP- I agree with PPs that maybe their "jealousy" is either hurt due to their past experiences, boredom (if that's all you talk about), or they are truly just b!tches! haha but I doubt it, probably just in your head that they care as much about your pregnancy as you think they do.

hoopduck · February 2013

sctiger52408:
When I was going through fertility treatments and then had a loss, I avoided pregnancy and baby talk at all costs. Until you've been through it, you have no idea how painful it is to be around pregnant women. You may want to be careful of how much you talk about it and be more sensitive.

This. It is especially hard when you work with someone. You can't escape, avoid or ignore their pregnancy while you grieve over your loss or feel like a wreck over infertility. Hopefully they will come around to you, if they don't just be civil and polite. It's an awkward situation for sure.

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