In your opinion: When is it ok to leave baby for overnight stays?

allisoncharris · February 2013

Before I ask question I'd like to say that I'm posting it for a reason: I'd like to get other opinions. With that being said I just please ask that everyone be kind no matter what your stand may be - and everyone's entitled to their own opinion and I respect all of them.

Situation: Working mom, due to hard work I qualified for an all expense paid trip to Maui by my company. Awesome, right? Welll....here's the problem. I'm due July 1 and the trip dates are from Aug 9 - 14. My company won't let you take it at another time, cash it in, or give to anyone else. Which leaves me with 2 choices

1.) Take a NICE vacation by myself (DH suggested staying at home with baby and our parents can help with our 2 yr old) and take a much needed break (that I think all new moms deserve!)

OR

2.) Stay at home with newborn of one month (which is also wonderful!!)

...and Possibly a third choice which I haven't looked much into: Taking DH and baby with me

I've been going back and forth and back and forth on this and it's agonizing. I just wanted to get the opinions of those who have ever faced a situation like this or know anyone who has. Let's be real, the first choice is selfish but after this rough pregnancy, work, LIFE, etc. I'd like to think I deserve a trip. (Side note: Yes, HI will always be there but I can guarantee that DH who is a homebody and Frugal Frankie will never take me there so I feel as though it's my only chance.) Also, I think of moms who HAVE to go back to work that early or leave for business trips that early, family emergencies, etc. Would it really be that bad?

Since this isn't my first rodeo I'd like to think I won't be as neurotic as I was the first time around and would be able to leave sweet baby for less than a week but also I have no idea how I'll really feel until the time comes. what is I don't want to leave that little nugget?

So have at it ladies and let me know what you think! And again, please be kind. I'm just looking for other opinions, stories, etc.

Jasmineeelizabeth · February 2013

Personally I wouldn't go. Are you planning on breast feeding?

Babies don't stay babies very long but Maui isn't going anywhere.

naenay797 · February 2013

I personally wouldn't want to leave a one month old for that long. Are you planning to BF? How will that work? If faced with your situation I would take my family with me.

Runaway22 · February 2013

If it were me, I'd either not go or take the whole family. I can't imagine leaving my LO at home barely a month after he enters the outside world. Because of my loathing of airports (and how dirty they are for fragile babies), I'd probably end up deciding not to go.

Sucks that your work is offering this to you NOW instead of earlier or later!

skio · February 2013

I wouldn't go without baby. It would have to be a family trip or nothing. I'm not comfortable leaving a newborn at that young an age, and establishing breastfeeding is important to me.

I generally wouldn't leave a breastfed NB overnight until maybe 3m or so. I also don't see myself having anything near a "relaxing" vacation in Maui by myself at 4 to 5w pp with my husband, newborn and toddler at home.

You have to do what's best for you, though.

chavlin517 · February 2013

I had a friend leave her 1 month old and go to Hawaii, granted she was very young and the trip was planned before she got pregnant. I think you have to answer a few questions:

Will you be breast feeding? If so, are you ok with formula and pumping when there?

Do you completely trust whoever will stay with the baby?

Can you bring a friend instead of going by yourself?

It also doesn't seem like it's a terribly long trip either, if it was 2 weeks that might be a bit much, but 5 days doesn't seem unreasonable.

I hope this helps the thought process!

EmarieDuke · February 2013

Would you have to pay for your DH and baby to come with you? I would definitely think about doing that. I could see myself taking a trip with DH and newborn about 4-6 weeks PP. You might not be able to do a lot of "touristy" things, but you would be able to relax. I couldn't see myself going by myself for that long. I don't think I would enjoy myself and only want to be back home.

allisoncharris · February 2013

Thanks for your feedback and being kind ladies!

To answer some of your questions:

-BF is a goal however last time it was difficult for me. I was only able to do so until 2 weeks before I had to supplement and by 6 weeks he was full on formula because I wasn't producing enough

-I totally trust DH to take care of baby, so that's not an issue to me at all.

-DH would also be paid for and I doubt they'd charge me for an infant

These are all great things to think about. Thanks again for your feedback, being kind and not making me like a total and horrible mom. I appreciate it more than you all know!

PrimRoseMama · February 2013

I personally would not feel comfortable leaving my one month old.

ScarletOflaherty · February 2013

Not a chance in the world I would leave a 4 week old for a vacation, but I would be very open to going as a family.

nikip6454 · February 2013

allisoncharris:
Thanks for your feedback and being kind ladies!
To answer some of your questions:
-BF is a goal however last time it was difficult for me. I was only able to do so until 2 weeks before I had to supplement and by 6 weeks he was full on formula because I wasn't producing enough
-I totally trust DH to take care of baby, so that's not an issue to me at all.
-DH would also be paid for and I doubt they'd charge me for an infant
These are all great things to think about. Thanks again for your feedback, being kind and not making me like a total and horrible mom. I appreciate it more than you all know!

I would take DH and baby or not go.

If you are goin to try to BF, pumping while on the trip isn't going to be as great as actually being with the baby.

JCWhitey · February 2013

Take your husband and the baby. I wouldn't leave for that long and go that far away when the baby was only a month old, but I would travel at that point. In fact, we are planning to do a trip about 3 weeks after the baby is born and I have no issues with that.

JellyTwoPointO · February 2013

That's a really awesome opportunity and as much as I'd wish I could conveniently take advantage of it, under those circumstances, I wouldn't go. My personal feelings would be that it just isn't in the best interest of my new baby or family and I would express my extreme gratitude, but turn the vacation down.

lindsayanne14 · February 2013

Just to add something to the conversation...although it wasn't after giving birth, I've been to Hawaii twice, traveling from the east coast both times. The second time was for a wedding and travel and time on the island was 5 days. I would not ever go back to Hawaii without 7 days on the island because of the disruption the travel caused. It took 22 hours to get there after the layovers and the time difference threw me totally out of wack! As soon as my body adjusted it was time to go home and then I was off for several days after that. I didn't even feel like the 5 day trip was a vacation. I feel like if I had just had a baby or of I had brought a newborn with me it would have been even worse.

OSibyl · February 2013

I would try and take DH and newborn. Maybe your older child can stay home with grandma and grandpa (which might be exciting for him/her anyway). And while a trip with a newborn might not be AS relaxing... it would probably be pretty great anyway.

If that doesn't seem to work then I would still consider going with DH. baby will only be 4 weeks old... so it does seem difficult to leave for that long though. I would say you probably know best how you'll be since you already have been through infant stages. How did you feel when your old child was 4 weeks old? do you think you would have been okay leaving then? maybe this will give you some insight.

allisoncharris · February 2013

You all make great points. If baby was at least 2-3 months I wouldn't even think twice about it and leave both with the Grandparents! Remembering how I was last time there's no way I would have been able to leave a 1 month old, plus I suffered from a bit of PP. Unsure and a little scared of how I'll feel this time but who knows? I could be ready for a vacation! ha!

BBBelly · February 2013

How long is the flight? If I were you I'd go with husband and the baby. Granted I'm a FTM and I have no idea what I'll be like that soon after birth and if I'll even be able to enjoy Hawaii but if your baby is healthy and the pediatrician okays it I'd take the baby and bond in paradise.

BellaOso · February 2013

Take the family and GOOOOOO!!!

We were just in Maui with DD at 6 months and it was AWESOME. We saw literally 10 - 15 couples a day vacationing with babies as young as 3 weeks. Sure, the trip is different but still fun.

I highly recommend! We looked up lots of places like Baby Beach (seriously, that is what is called,) and there was another beach that had a little protected cove and like 2 feet of water. We just put her on out tummies and poked and umbrella in the sand and hung out.

Other couples just baby wore and chugged along. It is pretty baby friendly - and the locals LOVE babies.

If you want to escape leave baby with DD and go see the sites without him and trade off. Or take the grands with you and dump both kids on them for a few hours a day.

I say, "Maui or bust! Baby and all!"

Elinetrouwt · February 2013

BellaOso:
Take the family and GOOOOOO!!!

This! You are definitely not a horrible mom for not wanting to pass on this opportunity. I also think it kind of sucks that your company gives it to you now and doesn't let you take it any other moment/change it with somebody else.

I would leave the toddler with the grandparents though.

vintageutopia · February 2013

Call me heartless, but I would probably go with my DH if I could leave the baby with my parents. It's only ONE week and if you are open to supplementing, then breastfeeding isn't an issue. Maybe, it is because this is #3 and I am an old hag, but sometimes you just have to take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves.

tokenhoser · February 2013

I wouldn't go unless all of us could go.

I didn't leave DS until 18 months. Which is later than lots of people, but was right for us. No way on earth could I have left at a month.

meltoine · February 2013

I would pass. At 4 weeks PP you wont even be cleared to swim yet. I could never leave a baby that young. When DS started sleeping in his own room at three months I felt like he was too far away for the first several nights.

If you're serious about BFing this time, this trip without baby is just not possible. Even supplementing/FF it's a long time. I left DS for four days at 14 months to help my sister through emergency surgery and it was really hard on him. He cried a lot while I was gone and after I got back he'd cry every time I left the room for the next month, when before he was content to play and explore on his own for 30-40 minutes at a time.

Pits just not worth it to me. Like PP said, babies are babies for such a short time. Maui isn't going anywhere.

Soleil3 · February 2013

I wasn't comfortable leaving either of my kids overnight until they were almost 18 months. But its really up to what you are comfortable doing and there isnt a right or wrong answer.

shelbell1028 · February 2013

PrimRoseMama:
I personally would not feel comfortable leaving my one month old.

This. And I also would not travel with a one month old.

I would offer the trip to someone else.

Edit
Sorry just reread and saw that you cannot give it to someone else. I still would not go. Stinks but the timing just isn't good.

JaimeCH · February 2013

5 weeks PP in bikini weather does not sound like a fabulous vacation to me!

The whole thought of leaving my family and newborn to go to Maui by myself just seems a bit odd to me. We went to Maui last June and it wasn't so amazing that I would leave my family for it. They would come with or I wouldn't go.

homebird · February 2013

I wouldn't leave a one month old for that long.

Tiefling · February 2013

I say take em both with you! Sounds fun : itll be hectic fer sure but itll also be a cool story whn baby grows up.

CindyRelluh · February 2013

It's only 5 days. If you can arrange it, I would go! You've been carrying a baby for a while, and I think you deserve it. I could've used a break with my DD, as she had BAD colic her first 3 months of life! Talk about nervous break down! Once baby is born, I think it will be more obvious to you what you will want to do. You'll do what feels right! That's sweet of DH to offer help, too!

grace_smith03 · February 2013

I think bringing the newborn and hubster is a great idea. The 2 year old wouldn't get much out of it, and when the newborn needs you, you'll be there. Not sure if you're breastfeeding? Also, considering it's your second, you would be AMAZED at how low-maintenance a newborn is. I mean, it's not the same as not having a baby with you, but they constantly sleep, wake up to eat, and OUT.

Good luck with your decision.

If you do end up going Maui Revealed is a good guide book.

grace_smith03 · February 2013

Just in case you do go, I went a few years ago, and this is some of the highlights I wrote to a friend about...have fun!

Our condo was part of the Grand Champions villas, and it's super close to the Grand Wailea Hotel..and we were able to use their outer amentities (bar, waitstaff, etc). The beach there was one of the best on Maui (and it's less than a mile away from the condo.

A couple of other mentions....'Sarento's on the Beach' restaurant in Maui. You HAVE to go there for sunset. I don't think I've ever seen a sunset like that in my whole life. The food is good, but SUPER pricey. (40-80 range) Maybe for a drink or dessert in case you weren't in the mood for eating...but you should make it there.

Moose McGillicuddy's in Kihei was very reliable pub fare.

I also tried to book a bike ride at sunrise Haleakala Volcano Bike Tour; it just never worked out, but i've heard amazing things about the sunrise--and the 38 mile trip downward. There is a restaurant/lodge type of establishment on the way up the mountain (in Kula); please stop there to eat and also to check out an amazing view and gardens. It's unbelievable.

Lu'au's: Most are kind of mediocre; the food is no big deal, the drinks are watered down, and the shows are fluffy. We went to West Maui's Old Lahaina Lu'au; it was ok; i guess I was expecting a bit more (buffet, crowded, watery drinks)...but it was worth going. However, I've heard the Feast at Lele was MUCH better, and I'd recommend going to that one if you interested in lu'aus.

The road to Hana--totally worth it; it's like going thru a mini-rainforest on Maui; and is what one thinks of when maui is mentioned. HOWEVER, keep in mind, to maintain this rainforest state, you can imagine the ONE, WINDY road in and OUT. It's approx 60 miles long, and I have NEVER gotten travel sickness until I've gone on this ride. We were stupid, and took off too late to do this trip properly, but I highly recommend it as part of a well-researched itinerary. I regret not doing this part of the trip well.

Hit up the aquarium in Maui; it's totally worth it. It's so windy at the aquarium, i'm surprised little kids didn't take off like kites on the way in. There is a place called Hula Cookies at this location...get the ice cream cookie sandwich here...cookies, ok, ice cream, ok, one of these ice cream sandwiches on a hot day...PRICELESS.

Lahaina is a little shopping village that is kinda touristy, but worth seeing. There is also apparently some sort of craft fair during the weekends that is worth attending, but there was some sort of holiday/other thing going on for that weekend while we were there.

Kauai was awesome, but we only were able to spend the day there, so we obviously didn't get to do much.

I have heard that flights between the islands is super-cheap, so if you decided you wanted to visit another island, it's not cost prohibitive.

If we could do it all over again, we'd divide the time between Maui and Kauai.

Qmommy · February 2013

Take the whole family and go! There is no way in hell I'd leave an infant at home. But DD1 was 18 months when I left her over night for the first (and only) time and that was to deliver DD2. So take my response lightly if you have no problems leaving your 2 year old and baby.

Qmommy · February 2013

I just noticed that your on the East coast. Is it really worth the long flight for 5 days? If you we're in Cali or the west I'd consider the trip but isn't the flight like 9+ hours for you? Wouldn't be much of a vacation to me.

laurakaz13 · February 2013

We went away for a weekend when DD was 7 weeks old. I breastfed just fine. There's this great invention called a breast pump. I vote Maui!

However, after reading that you're on the East Coast and it's only for 5 days, I'm not so sure. Maybe bring the family with you. We took a 10 hour flight when DD was just 5 weeks old and it was fine. She slept almost the whole time.

We're big world travelers though, and I simply can't understand women who don't leave their child ever. It actually baffles me that there are people out there who never left their child until they were over a year old. Shocking to me!

tokenhoser · February 2013

laurakaz13:
.
We're big world travelers though, and I simply can't understand women who don't leave their child ever. It actually baffles me that there are people out there who never left their child until they were over a year old. Shocking to me!

Well, it's shocking to me you could leave your 7 week old for a weekend. I seriously couldn't have dreamed of it. I'd much rather bring my baby than have to find a way to pump and pump and pump on "vacation".

kcox123 · February 2013

There is no way I could leave a 1 month old for that long and I work full-time and start my kids in daycare full-time at 8 wks... That said, if you can take DH and baby and you are up for it - go for it. You might check with doc to make sure it's ok if you won't have had your 6 wk PP check priority to the trip...

MayDayGirl · February 2013

Take dh and baby with you. That's what I would do

In your opinion: When is it ok to leave baby for overnight stays?

Re: In your opinion: When is it ok to leave baby for overnight stays?

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