Bridal Party Drama

DanaColeman · February 2013

So I am in a wedding in march and the bachelorette party is an entire weekend in AC. I already spoke to my friend and said that I would attend as much as I was comfortable attending but that I definitely wasn't staying over in the hotel or going to the pool party at harrah's since its so late and I'm exhausted. She said she understood that I'm just trying to do what's best for my pregnancy. So her mom texted me today and said I need to choose to do EVERYTHING the entire weekend or not go at all. My friend clearly said something to her bc I don't understand where this is coming from. Her mom also said, "I understand that you are pregnant and may tire easily but I think you could survive a weekend." So she also said something to her mom regarding that bc I never even told her mom that I was pregnant!!! I was so uncomfortable and she sent me such long and nasty texts. Totally unnecessary. Any advice for how to respond? My pregnancy hormones wanted to take over and be nasty back to her but I decided it would be better to cool off. Sorry for the long post. I needed to vent!

DanaColeman · February 2013

Forgot to mention. Her mother also said for me not to speak to my friend and to only respond to her bc her daughter doesn't need this stress. Idk what to do! I would prefer to speak to my friend but her mother is making me super uncomfortable about the whole situation.

chapternext · February 2013

Maybe get your mommy involved too and have her talk to your friend for you.

And now for my serious response: Ugh, what an awkward situation. Try talking your friend again and see if this "all or nothing" ultimatum is really how she feels or if her mom was just being a momzilla and butting in unnecessarily. If your friend says she wants you there the entire time or not at all, I'd personally opt out as graciously as I could. A long party weekend while pregnant does NOT sound like a good idea for you or for the baby. Hopefully your friend will get over it.

bexsd · February 2013

If you're good enough friends with her to be in her bridal party you should be good enough friends to talk about this honestly

chapternext · February 2013

DanaColeman:
Forgot to mention. Her mother also said for me not to speak to my friend and to only respond to her bc her daughter doesn't need this stress. Idk what to do! I would prefer to speak to my friend but her mother is making me super uncomfortable about the whole situation.

You know who else doesn't need stress right now? YOU. Talk to your friend.

1026pumpkin · February 2013

I'd respond to the mom once to say you've discussed the situation with the bride and have made your plans accordingly. You could try taking bride out to lunch and let her know that you support her and are doing your best and ask if she's upset about anything. It sounds like maybe she was disappointed and venting to her mom, but has the good sense to realize she shouldn't ask you to stay out all night if you're not comfortable.

jeapplegate · February 2013

I would probably forward the texts to your friend and then let her know that you just can't guarantee you will be feeling up to the trip and back out. I'm not saying to do it to make your friend feel bad, but she should know what her mother is up to. You probably aren't the only person her mother has taken it on herself to contact. Realistically you will probably be feeling alot better by then, and would probably have a great time it you went, but it sounds like your situation is stressing her out (although that seems silly to me)

christianaoneal · February 2013

If she's a good friend enough to be in her wedding she will understand.... My good friend is getting married in May.... Her Bachlorette weekend is at the end of March! I'm so excited for her I wouldn't miss it but she has already told me we dont have to go out the one night we were planning on for me!!! I told her to hush but she has downplayed the weekend opting for more enjoyable things I can do such as the beach, lunch, sea world..... She wants me there and would not go out at all so I could go.... thats true friendship If she is such a good friend she should understand your situation as you do hers....Talk to her and just tell her how you feel but that you want her to have the best weekend possible and don't want to be the party pooper.....

sprocketsmom · February 2013

I would probably ignore her mom altogether. It's not really her place to be giving you ultimatums, and I would think that any response you give will just feed into her weird power trip. I think you should talk to the bride, in person if possible, and clear things up. And if she feels that it's an all or nothing deal, I would probably bow out completely. That would really tick me off if one of my friends demanded that of me.

Luckymomma4 · February 2013

DanaColeman:
Forgot to mention. Her mother also said for me not to speak to my friend and to only respond to her bc her daughter doesn't need this stress. Idk what to do! I would prefer to speak to my friend but her mother is making me super uncomfortable about the whole situation.

Seriously, what is her mom going to do if you talk to your friend??? Perhaps, the mom and friend could stop acting like children and communicate like adults. I will never understand why people have a problem and instead of saying it directly they chose to tell everyone else behind your back. Dumb.

magdalina.h · February 2013

Ignore the mom and talk to your friend. Explain that you are hurt that she wasn't up front with you and that she told her mom.

katiebenes · February 2013

I would've KILLED my Mom if she did that. one of my BMs had a six month old for the bachelorette party and when she had to leave early, I walked her out and said give the baby a kiss for me!

I would ignore the mom and text your friend that "Your Mom gave me an ultimatum of "ALL or NOTHING" since I have to put my own health and my baby's health first I guess I will go with nothing."

That way the friend knows what the mom did, you're not "stressing her out", just nicely telling her fine - I'll comply with your mother's request. That way, if the Mom was out of line texting you, the bride will put the momzilla in place...

DanaColeman · February 2013

Thanks so much for all of your advice ladies! I knew this would be a great place to go since you're all feeling the same way I feel. I will be telling her mom that I've discussed it already and her daughter seemed to support my decision but if she doesn't want me there at all then that's what I'm deciding is best for me. I am going to have to discuss it with my friend eventually and explain why I am now not going at all! Thanks again!

katiebenes · February 2013

DanaColeman:
Thanks so much for all of your advice ladies! I knew this would be a great place to go since you're all feeling the same way I feel. I will be telling her mom that I've discussed it already and her daughter seemed to support my decision but if she doesn't want me there at all then that's what I'm deciding is best for me. I am going to have to discuss it with my friend eventually and explain why I am now not going at all! Thanks again!

*hugs* I'm sure it was a hard decision. I hope everything turns out okay.

Bagwells31012 · February 2013

If it really all or none... If you feel anything like I do... I wouldn't go... I think it's so rude to do that... I would talk to the bride and not talk to that mom

VTFutureMrs · February 2013

I would ignore the mom as well and just let the friend know. I am going down to Florida in March as well for a bachelorette party. More than likely I will attend everything going on since you get a lot of energy back in second trimester and you will still barely be showing if at all at that point. If I was you, I would still go expecting to go to everything and just like anyone else (pregnant or not) you skip out on something if you don't feel well.

ravenclaw1 · February 2013

I think you got some good advice. But I agree. Don't talk to the mom about it. It is not her place to contact you like that. And she probably doesn't want you talking to your friend because she's embarrassed for being such a twit and is trying to hide it from her.

At the end of the day, you have to make the decision for yourself.

ilovetolaugh · February 2013

Tell her mom to take a hike. You are good enough friends to be in the bridal party, you're good enough friends to talk to her.

And why is her mom so involved in the bachelorette party? That's weird to me.

Habs2Hart · February 2013

ilovetolaugh:
Tell her mom to take a hike. You are good enough friends to be in the bridal party, you're good enough friends to talk to her.

And why is her mom so involved in the bachelorette party? That's weird to me.

Ditto this. You already talked to your friend. Don't back out of the whole thing because her mom doesn't know her place. This is not her party. Talk to your friend again and tell her exactly what her mother said to you and ask her for honesty.

Some people are so bloody selfish.

Violet1372 · February 2013

chapternext:
DanaColeman:
Forgot to mention. Her mother also said for me not to speak to my friend and to only respond to her bc her daughter doesn't need this stress. Idk what to do! I would prefer to speak to my friend but her mother is making me super uncomfortable about the whole situation.
You know who else doesn't need stress right now? YOU. Talk to your friend.

This... you should just talk to your friend.. Your friend may have just been talking to her mom about the situation and her mom blow it out of proportion.

badkittyct · February 2013

Since mom is such a control freak, I would probably respond to the extent of "My pregnancy is not your business. "daughter" and I already discussed my level of participation. It is *her* party, so if she is understanding of my situation, then that is the sole opinion that matters." I am sure she would continue to fly off the handle, but screw her! Sounds like she wishes she could go to the party and is jealous so she wants her daughter to have an entourage that she can live vicariously through.

Tally879 · February 2013

Wouldn't a place like AC, with all the casinos have a ton of cigarette smoke? I may skip this party and the drama. My whole bridal party wasn't there for my bachelorette party, nbd.

Candicerains · February 2013

Yes, you friend only gets married once and I would try to tough it out as much as possible. I envy pregnant women who can go out late and hang. But at the end of the day you have to take care of yourself and do what's best for you, you don't need the stress either and you being less stressed is more important...you have a little one to take care of. Besides, what are you really going to miss at a bachelorette party.....girls getting drunk and making fools of themselves? I would also tell the mom you appreciate her imput but it's not her decision on what activites you do or do not par take in that weekend, you will do what's best for you and your baby while being supportive of your friend.

chapternext · February 2013

DanaColeman:
Thanks so much for all of your advice ladies! I knew this would be a great place to go since you're all feeling the same way I feel. I will be telling her mom that I've discussed it already and her daughter seemed to support my decision but if she doesn't want me there at all then that's what I'm deciding is best for me. I am going to have to discuss it with my friend eventually and explain why I am now not going at all! Thanks again!

I hope everything works out for you! The mom may have thought she was doing what's best for her child, but you are ALSO a parent who has to think about her child.

DanaColeman · February 2013

Thanks everyone! I think I may just ignore her mother's text, since it is totally weird she is getting involved anyway. And I am just going to be involved in what I had discussed with my friend. If she decides she has a problem with that, she can say something to me herself. Responding to her crazy mother.....no good can come from it! Lol

kristykay123 · February 2013

Woowwwwww seriously. What is wrong with that woman? I would definitely talk to your friend and tell her what the mom said to you. See if the friend agrees or not. If she does agree, tell her and her mom you're not going.

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