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Attachment Parenting
RioG1978
member
All right AP moms... tell me about day care.
RioG1978
member
My LO is 8 months old. I go back to work in 4 months (Canadian). We have found an in-home provider where there will be 4 other children (18 months - pre-school age). DH will be doing drop off and pick up most days, he works in the town we live in (where day care is) and LO's day will be 8 - 4:30 at day care.
I'm so torn about it, because I just can't imagine being away from her. BUT, at 8 months she's so active and social I can see how she will benefit from interaction with other kids. She LOVES other kids, but we don't have enough of them in our daily lives.
So part of me is worried I'm just saying those things to fool myself in to thinking day care will be good for her in some ways, and part of me thinks that wer I to quit my job and stay home (not really an option as we want more kids so I would like another paid mat leave, but of course baby is priority so if I had to I would) that she wouldn't get much needed interaction/socialization because I'm not sure I'd be up to the task of ensuring it was provided regularly.
tell me how it worked for you. Pros, cons, etc.
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Re: All right AP moms... tell me about day care.
I went to pick DS up at his dayhome on Friday, and he didn't want to leave. He was having so much fun that while he was glad to see me, he'd rather keep chasing down and retrieving nerf darts. He's 21 months and has been there since I went back to work at 12 months.
The first two weeks were really hard on both of us. He cried a lot. I cried some, too. I did start him a few days before I went back to work so he could do some half days to get used to it. She gave him as many cuddles as she could, but obviously she had to care for and feed the other kids, too. We eventually sent a Baby Einstein DVD because that just zones him out... it's like his off button. Not ideal, but it filled a temporary need.
And then he settled in and decided this lady was all right. Expect it to take up to a couple of weeks. My major pro? I need to work to make money to keep a roof over our head. We couldn't own our home if I stayed home. My job also tops up my EI, so if I don't come back to work I owe them a lot of money (that we already spent). I have to come back. Is daycare good for him? Sure. He's learned to trust someone else, he gets to spend time out of the house and with other kids, and I trust my provider. She's the right mix of caring and not a pushover. Her kids are older (9 and 7) and they adore my son. He gets a "cousin" relationship with them, which is nice because he doesn't have any local cousins.
We're still breastfeeding. At 21 months, with me 15 weeks pregnant. If you're breastfeeding, I'm happy to talk more about that, too. It was not a big deal at all to keep going (no pumping).
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Your timeline sounds like mine... work for a year or so and then get pregnant again (or close to that).
It's just such a hard thing, to think about your baby with someone else all day. What if she gets sad and wants me? I won't have any idea.
I found nursing to be a helpful way to get through the separation of returning to work. I was a bit engorged for the first week or so, but my body quickly figured it out. I am still able to nurse on the weekends in the daytime, but just don't have to worry about it while I'm at work. At a minimum, I'd say let going back to work be the first way you drop feedings, as opposed to trying to wean before you go back. He found it really comforting to nurse after a day at daycare.
It's hard to leave them, but when they get sad... they learn that there are other caring people there to offer cuddles. That's an important part of life, too.
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I'm in the US, so I had to go back to work a lot sooner. Both DD and DS started child care (at a family child care provider) at 14 weeks. Personally, I think working outside the home makes me a better mother, so that's a major pro, along with the second income. Being a SAHM, all day, every day, is not something that I think I would be particularly good at, or totally enjoy.
Another pro is that both of my kids are very social and love the company of other kids. During vacation weeks when our provider is closed and the kids are home with us, DD almost always regresses in her sleep, she doesn't eat as well, and by the end of the week she's just grumpy and acts out way more than usual. The first day back at child care, she's back to her regular self.
And our provider and her staff are like part of our family now. Our kids wouldn't be the neat little people they're turning out to be without them. : )
The major cons for me are the cost (ugh) and the fact that I wish I could work part time, maybe 3-4 days a week, instead of 5. I find we're often having to pack a lot into the weekend days and with just one more day off a week, I feel like we could relax a little more.
TTC since 11/05...ectopic pg 4/08...early m/c 6/09...BFP 10/5/09!
Nora B...June 15, 2010...8lbs, 8oz...Med-free birth!
TTC #2 since 7/11...cycle #3 of Clomid + IUI = BFP
Malcolm...September 21, 2012...8lbs, 6oz...Another med-free birth!
I agree with a lot of this. Even if I were a SAHM mom, I would be getting DS ready to enroll in preschool, at least part time, for the socialization aspects. I find that my DS is a bit shy, and think that having DC has really helped him.
I also still nurse, and find that our afternoon nursing sessions are one of the most relaxing parts of my day. We usually sit on the couch, read a few books, eat a cookie or two, and snuggle.
My guy started daycare at 5 months, so a little bit of a different experience and at a center as opposed to an in-home.
Pros:
* He loves it there. He runs in every morning and gives the providers big hugs. They take a lot of pictures and post them to a private site once a month that we have access to. There are no crying pictures of my son, just a happy kid playing with toys and his friends.
* It hasn't changed our relationship. As much as he loves it there, he still comes running when I show up so he can be scooped up and hugged. I don't feel supplanted by any of the staff.
* The staff is wonderful with him. We had a rocky start with bottle feeding at first, which shouldn't be an issue with you. But other than that, they've been wonderful at meeting his needs. A benefit of a center is lots of hands/arms/etc. In that sense it's AP friendly - they're not allowed to let the babes cry. All babies get rocked or held as soon as they start. My son was rocked for all naps for I don't even know how long. Until he stopped needing to be rocked for naps. They were more than accepting of BLW, even though we were the only family that was doing it (again, probably nothing that you'll be dealing with by the time your child starts)
* Development. I'm sure my son would be equally as wonderful if I were home all day with him, but some things I just wouldn't think of to do. They track his development based on a set of standards/guidelines/where he "should" be and work with him on those skills. One of his big accomplishments was climbing to the top of the "big climber" which they worked on from 11-14 months, coaxing and encouraging him until he finally did it.
* Opportunities: This is a silly one, but I love that he has a million different toys to play with there so we don't have to have them at home. I love that they do art with him every day, because I'm sure I wouldn't think of half the things they do. I love that he gets outdoor playtime every day to run out his crazies.
*Socialization - He loves his little friends and it's been great watching them grow together. I think in addition to learning to play with like-aged children, it helps with sharing, taking turns, and physical/verbal development as they all learn from each other.
*Immunity - because daycare = sick kids. But we're still breastfeeding too, so he never seems to get as sick as often or for as long as the other kids. And I know that the sickness he gets now is building his immune system.
Cons:
* The cost!
* The hours of my center aren't fantastic, they close a little early, but at least that gets me out of work earlier.
* Some of the other moms are crazy.
* One of the other kids is a biter.
If I had all the money in the world I would choose to be at home full-time with my children until at least three, and then to send them to kindy 3 or 4 mornings a week (possibly while I drank lattes)
This is based on a gut feeling that I am my child's best resource in those early years.
BUT every child/parent is different. Some kids really thrive in the daycare setting, whilst others have major separation anxiety that creates huge stress for them and their parent.
Some parents have the time/energy/resources/skill/interest to provide lots of varied stimulation everyday, whilst others don't.
We don't HAVE to send our kids to daycare for financial reasons, in that we could afford for me to quit my job. BUT long term I don't want to quit my job because I really like it, and once the kids are at school two incomes will be really useful. Ideally I would put my job on hold until my kids go to school and then I could have it back.
So while I truly think I'm a better option than daycare for my 1 yr old, I don't think daycare is the devil either, and that they will provide all sorts of stimulus that I either wouldn't think to or wouldn't have the energy/resources to do.
My 1 yr old is struggling with separation anxiety, and my 3 yr old asks for me throughout the day, but she has stopped crying at the gate looking for me and she has stopped running after me when I leave crying, "Mummy I miss you with all of my heart" So drop offs are hard, but in the long run it's best for us. Being a teacher means I have shorter days and school breaks to be at home with them.
Is part time an option for you?
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
We started daycare at 18 months on a part time basis with my oldest and 17 months with my youngest (two afternoons a week). My provider went back to teaching school aged kids so we stopped it 5 months ago and I miss it terribly though my oldest is now in preschool. I agree daycare can be a great benefit for children from a developmental/socialization standpoint and certainly noticed lots of positive changes in my children when they started.
If I were in your shoes, I would be weary of choosing an in home provider with five children to care for. In ways, it's nice she is the youngest since she will learn from the older children. On the other hand, does the provider have another helper? A 1 to 5 ratio of children to adults with an infant isn't the most ideal scenario. If I had to go back to work, I would want a nanny for the one on one care in the first 18-24 months then transition to a center with other children for the socialization aspect.
I wish you luck in whatever you decide!
I was ok with daycare because I didnt just go with who I liked I took my baby to different daycares with me to see how she felt( remember kids just know who really cares and who doesnt) so when I walked in the door and she saw all the toys she was intimidated but then the teacher saw her and started talking to her she said bye bye to me and I knew that was the day care for her and she goes to an actual day care location I personally dont like in home day cares because * you dont know whose in and out on a daily basis * its usually only 1 person caring for the children witch means you dont know what they are doing to your children * its not very to just pop up unannouced and see how things are going * Its the person house so for all you know their laying down in their bed watching tv and the kids are running around doing what ever they want. you just never know with in home day care/ baby sitters.
as long as your baby is comfortable she shouldnt be too upset and I would reccomend instead of just dropping and leaving stay with her so shes comfortable and DONT ABSOLUTLY DO NOT CRY in front of her anyways. and build a relationship with the caregiver When I say I love my babys teacher I really love her I can tell how well she cares for my daughter just by the way my daughter WANTS to go to school and ask for her teacher by name I talk to her teacher about everything with my daughter and I spend a little time at the school with my daughter and the other children even kids want to give me hugs when I leave and if something bothers you or you would like something done differently with your child always ask or compromise like at school they potty train them and I didnt like how the seats are not disinfected after each child I asked if I could provide lysol wipes for my daughter to use before her behind touches the toilet and it was no problem I felt my daughter wasnt eating enough asked if I could extra food for her no problem only thing they asked is to try to send stuff that stays on shelf and cold stuff in a lunch bag. just watch to see how things go different days different times. Kids in her age group 2-3 like to bite yeah my daughter has bitten other children and I tell her she cant do that and its not nice and if the child tells me she did it I make her say sorry but I feel that telling her is not nice is not enough so I asked if they put her in time out for 2 mins when she does hit or bite they said ok... some parents want their children to be spoiled in day care and not disciplined... I want both but I will never ever allow someone else to physically disciplin my daughter but heck yes ut her in time out. you have to let them know how you would like things done with your child and find out things like:
is there an open door policy
what are the plans if someone is out sick
what is expected of my child while in their care
and their schedual and try your best to follow it. Its not easy my baby wont take naps for me the same way she does he teacher and thats ok. just dont get jelous appreciate that your child has a strong with the person who is caring for her.
After my DD was born, I went back to work p/t when she was about 3 months old. My mom cared for DD when I was teaching. This arrangement worked well, but it did have a huge drawback that my daughter did not get a lot of social interaction as a toddler. I didn't want my mom to have to accompany her to events, and my work schedule varied every week. But I did feel that between my mom and me, we were able to give her really focused, concentrated, one on one attention.
I compensated for this by making sure I enrolled her in a preschool which would help her learn the social skills she needed.
When my son was born, it became too much to ask of my mom to care for both of them. I left work and stayed home with them. It was a blow, financially, but we made it work. As a result, I was able to do more with him to give him exposure to other kids as a toddler while he still got that one-on-one mommy time.
There are drawbacks and benefits to daycare and to staying home with your child. You do what you can to compensate for the drawbacks of whatever choice you make.
KateLouise - you've really touched on how I feel, it's pretty much exactly it. Part time isn't an option in my current position. I could take a (big) step down in the organization and take a (big) pay cut to get part time. That would at least keep my foot in the door with this company. I also have a small side business that I could maintain and grow, which wouldn't replace my income, but would at least provide that second income. Of course, then there's pension and benefit concerns... My DH has both, but it's always better if we both have them.
I know I just have to wait and see, but my gut is just telling me she would be best with me. It's the waiting and seeing if I will be proven wrong (which I hope) that is the hard part.