No! You don't need to DD

sparkymcgeee · February 2013

It just makes it worse.

Stina2012 · February 2013

Ohhhh. What happened?

EVA116 · February 2013

People were pretty harsh on someone who was admitting gender disappointment.

Though she should not have DD'd.

KikiCohen · February 2013

I think I missed it??

Aiylin · February 2013

I feel lost- did I miss an intersting Monday Morning Madness post? I

Aiylin · February 2013

is it the one on the second trimester board? there's one up on there. meimesx- I think there are some people who would say what you told your co-worker " I don't care if it's not heatlhy as long as its a blank"... I can see some of these people saying that. Sad.... Crying

PrimRoseMama · February 2013

That must have happened quickly...

What a tool.

Erinm278 · February 2013

Ugh..those posts are the worst.

KikiCohen · February 2013

EVA116:
People were pretty harsh on someone who was admitting gender disappointment.

Though she should not have DD'd.

Well then I'm glad I missed it. I would have had nothing nice to say.

Stina2012 · February 2013

EVA116:

People were pretty harsh on someone who was admitting gender disappointment.

Though she should not have DD'd.

Not cool.

sparkymcgeee · February 2013

She said she didn't even realize until after the scan that she was hopeful for one over the other. She was extremely grateful for her healthy baby and felt stupid and ridiculous for her feelings. I think there's a big difference in going into a scan saying 'I hope it's a girl!' And being surprised by your own feelings because you didn't have a conscious preference.
she then mentioned she's excited and happy.
This is not the 'I'm so devastated' feeling I flame when I see.

rondosa · February 2013

meimsx:
She said she didn't even realize until after the scan that she was hopeful for one over the other. She was extremely grateful for her healthy baby and felt stupid and ridiculous for her feelings. I think there's a big difference in going into a scan saying 'I hope it's a girl!' And being surprised by your own feelings because you didn't have a conscious preference. she then mentioned she's excited and happy. This is not the 'I'm so devastated' feeling I flame when I see.

I didn't realize I would be hurting so many people's feelings so I just canned the whole thread. I was over it, and everyone gets so...fired up...around here so easily.

Thanks for understanding the true nature of my post. But I just figured it would be best if it was gone.

sparkymcgeee · February 2013

Yeah I understood but like skeigh said, some things you gotta keep to yourself. I'm a loss mom so all babies to me are blessings and I know you really aren't upset about this but it rubs a lot of people the wrong way.

weaslewam · February 2013

ncchnat:
EVA116:
People were pretty harsh on someone who was admitting gender disappointment.

Though she should not have DD'd.
It's probably just as well I didn't see it then. I have no sympathy for someone who did not get the what they wanted when they are growing a healthy baby. A friend of mine is currently going through her EIGHTH pregnancy loss. There are harder things in the world than having a boy when you want a girl or vice versa.

This absolutely...

Stina2012 · February 2013

rondosa:

I didn't realize I would be hurting so many people's feelings so I just canned the whole thread. I was over it, and everyone gets so...fired up...around here so easily.

Thanks for understanding the true nature of my post. But I just figured it would be best if it was gone.

I'm not sure it's about hurting people's feelings versus you understanding that some people have been through worse things than not having the baby be the sex they wanted. I have no insight into your personal history, but I can tell you we have quite a few July Mamas who've had losses (even multiple) so there's not a lot of sympathy around here for sex disappointment. I hope I explained it well without getting fired up!

AllMyDucksInARow · February 2013

meimsx:
She said she didn't even realize until after the scan that she was hopeful for one over the other. She was extremely grateful for her healthy baby and felt stupid and ridiculous for her feelings. I think there's a big difference in going into a scan saying 'I hope it's a girl!' And being surprised by your own feelings because you didn't have a conscious preference. she then mentioned she's excited and happy. This is not the 'I'm so devastated' feeling I flame when I see.

This is how I read her post as well. I'm PGAL and did not get the least bit offended at her post. I also am one of those people who totally don't understand how people have such a preference for a child's sex, but even so.... that post didn't bother me in the least.

Ehh..

KKinATX · February 2013

rondosa:
meimsx:
She said she didn't even realize until after the scan that she was hopeful for one over the other. She was extremely grateful for her healthy baby and felt stupid and ridiculous for her feelings. I think there's a big difference in going into a scan saying 'I hope it's a girl!' And being surprised by your own feelings because you didn't have a conscious preference. she then mentioned she's excited and happy. This is not the 'I'm so devastated' feeling I flame when I see.

I didn't realize I would be hurting so many people's feelings so I just canned the whole thread. I was over it, and everyone gets so...fired up...around here so easily.
Thanks for understanding the true nature of my post. But I just figured it would be best if it was gone.

I didn't read the original post but I'm just going to chime in here and say to the OP that I get it. It is not at all unusual to hope for one gender or the other and you shouldn't feel bad for having a preference. We've actually discussed this quite a bit in my other BMB. I haven't experienced a loss and I know I can't relate to the feelings of those that have and I'm truly sorry that you've had to go through that. It sucks and flat out isn't fair that people experience that kind of pain and loss (my bf just had a d&c last week). I think the OP has a point though about people getting really fired up over here. Not everything posted is intended to hurt or offend someone. We're allowed to talk about our feelings on a public message board right? Flame away.

solsburyhill · February 2013

weaslewam:
ncchnat:
EVA116:

People were pretty harsh on someone who was admitting gender disappointment.

Though she should not have DD'd.

It's probably just as well I didn't see it then. I have no sympathy for someone who did not get the what they wanted when they are growing a healthy baby. A friend of mine is currently going through her EIGHTH pregnancy loss. There are harder things in the world than having a boy when you want a girl or vice versa.

This absolutely...

Why is it ok for someone to say they are so excited to have a baby but really hate the pregnancy part, the m/s, constipation, back aches, sleepless nights, etc. but it's not ok for someone to say they are happy to have a healthy baby but are disappointed they aren't having a girl/boy?

In the first scenario, we're all "it's ok honey, pregnancy is hard, we know you don't love your baby any less" but gender disappointment makes you a horrible person?

I don't get it.

Jasmineeelizabeth · February 2013

solsburyhill:
weaslewam:
ncchnat:
EVA116:

People were pretty harsh on someone who was admitting gender disappointment.

Though she should not have DD'd.

It's probably just as well I didn't see it then. I have no sympathy for someone who did not get the what they wanted when they are growing a healthy baby. A friend of mine is currently going through her EIGHTH pregnancy loss. There are harder things in the world than having a boy when you want a girl or vice versa.

This absolutely...

Why is it ok for someone to say they are so excited to have a baby but really hate the pregnancy part, the m/s, constipation, back aches, sleepless nights, etc. but it's not ok for someone to say they are happy to have a healthy baby but are disappointed they aren't having a girl/boy?

In the first scenario, we're all "it's ok honey, pregnancy is hard, we know you don't love your baby any less" but gender disappointment makes you a horrible person?

I don't get it.

I don't see how these things relate at all.

PrimRoseMama · February 2013

ncchnat:
solsburyhill:
weaslewam:
ncchnat:
EVA116:

People were pretty harsh on someone who was admitting gender disappointment.

Though she should not have DD'd.

It's probably just as well I didn't see it then. I have no sympathy for someone who did not get the what they wanted when they are growing a healthy baby. A friend of mine is currently going through her EIGHTH pregnancy loss. There are harder things in the world than having a boy when you want a girl or vice versa.

This absolutely...

Why is it ok for someone to say they are so excited to have a baby but really hate the pregnancy part, the m/s, constipation, back aches, sleepless nights, etc. but it's not ok for someone to say they are happy to have a healthy baby but are disappointed they aren't having a girl/boy?

In the first scenario, we're all "it's ok honey, pregnancy is hard, we know you don't love your baby any less" but gender disappointment makes you a horrible person?

I don't get it.
Because pregnancy is hard. Even loss moms and infertility veterans admit that, as much as they wish it was them going through it.
I also didn't say that gender disappointment made you a horrible person. I said I have no sympathy for someone who feels it because there are worse things. My friend who is losing her eighth baby would give anything to get to have a take-home baby. She wouldn't give a rat's asss what it had between it's legs. Instead, later this week, she has to have surgery to have both of her tubes removed.
It's a thing called perspective.

Yes The other complaints, IMHO, are physical ailments that come with pregnancy. Those are unpleasant. The sex of your healthy baby should be positive no matter what you get. Its kind of odd to me to compare aches, pains and negative things like vomiting to disappointment over the genitalia of your baby.

Its got all of its fingers, toes and healthy organs. The baby on the monitor is alive and well. The whole sex determination thing should be icing on the cake. It should not, IMHO, ruin your day.

Personally, as someone who has had a heartbreaking anatomy scan (the pregnancy before DD I found out my baby had died at the anatomy scan). This whole boo-hoo I didn't get the sex of the baby I wanted and I'm going to be sad about it thing is ridiculous. That is my experience and it colors how I view things.

Again, perspective.

KKinATX · February 2013

People here are acting as if she purposely did something to hurt the PGAL ladies. No one said what you ladies went through wasn't difficult or sad or disappointing. But there are varying levels of disappointing. Maybe her disappointment wasn't as great as yours (of course it wasn't) but it was still disappointing on some level. Is no one allowed to express disappointment about anything now?

PrimRoseMama · February 2013

KKinATX:
People here are acting as if she purposely did something to hurt the PGAL ladies. No one said what you ladies went through wasn't difficult or sad or disappointing. But there are varying levels of disappointing. Maybe her disappointment wasn't as great as yours (of course it wasn't) but it was still disappointing on some level. Is no one allowed to express disappointment about anything now?

Oh FFS, this isn't the damn pain Olympics BS. No one is saying that a moment where you are like, "oh, I was hoping for a girl, but yay a boy!" isn't normal or warranted. However, to be "devastated" or emotionally wrought over the sex of your healthy baby is stupid, IMHO. Its drama whoring and completely unnecessary.

No one is saying that this poster (who DD'd) intentionally meant to hurt anyone. Merely that they didn't think before they posted and should probably be aware of what they say and who their audience is. If they lurk and read (get to know) many of the July 13' regulars are PgAL. Its about being aware and knowing your audience.

kathleen02 · February 2013

ncchnat:
EVA116:

People were pretty harsh on someone who was admitting gender disappointment.

Though she should not have DD'd.

It's probably just as well I didn't see it then. I have no sympathy for someone who did not get the what they wanted when they are growing a healthy baby. A friend of mine is currently going through her EIGHTH pregnancy loss. There are harder things in the world than having a boy when you want a girl or vice versa.

I didn't even see the thread and it makes me livid to see people get upset about gender. And 9 flippin times out of 10 it's because someone didn't want a BOY. Do you know that can be interpreted as a slap in the face to some moms with boys. Like our boys aren't as good as girls. Give me a break. They aren't toys. They're not made to dress up like little dolls and have people gush over them. They are human beings dependant on YOU to love and take care of them. I'm hormonal today but I hate those posts...either way the disappointment swings.

sparkymcgeee · February 2013

But prim she wasn't at all devastated. She had a surprising moment of holy crap I didn't realize I wanted a girl but I'm so happy I have a healthy baby boy. She didn't have a preference or so she thought. That's very different and absolutely you have a very hard experience that changes your views and I don't blame you one bit for your perspective. She admited she felt stupid and selfish for the feelings she had. I just have a hard time flaming her for this because she felt remorse while she was disappointed.

PrimRoseMama · February 2013

meimsx:
But prim she wasn't at all devastated. She had a surprising moment of holy crap I didn't realize I wanted a girl but I'm so happy I have a healthy baby boy. She didn't have a preference or so she thought. That's very different and absolutely you have a very hard experience that changes your views and I don't blame you one bit for your perspective. She admited she felt stupid and selfish for the feelings she had. I just have a hard time flaming her for this because she felt remorse while she was disappointed.

I wonder if I'm getting her confused with the other poster on this board.

I am also speaking generally, because to be fair, I didn't see the post that got DD'd. I just have a really really really (so many really's to add to that) hard time with people pissing and moaning about the sex of their healthy children.

Am I being sensitive given that my loss milestone will be my anatomy scan? Absolutely. I agree that perhaps my reaction to these types of posts are somewhat irrational and affected by my emotions. I'll freely admit it.

I guess I am flaming the general sentiment. It hits close to home. I don't care what I get as long as I get to give birth to a live baby.

With DD I was a wreck to have to go back to complete the AS because they couldn't see things properly (she wouldn't cooperate). I was convinced that the worst would happen.

I will admit to being an irrational bish about this though.

sparkymcgeee · February 2013

You have a very different perspective that most people will never understand.
She just had a momentary sense of disappointment. I understand some flaming but this is VERY different than the Ally chick IMO.

PrimRoseMama · February 2013

meimsx:
You have a very different perspective that most people will never understand. She just had a momentary sense of disappointment. I understand some flaming but this is VERY different than the Ally chick IMO.

I just don't understand where these women are coming from. Loss has stolen that from me. I just can't relate.

The OP and that Ally chick still get to go out and buy pink/blue things. They don't have to buy an urn or pick out a plot for their baby just because its a girl or a boy when they wanted the opposite.

They get to dream about cute onesies and bows or whatever. They don't cry at night over their baby being in the ground or an incinerator when all you wanted was for them to come home with you. They don't get to find out the sex through an autopsy report. Seriously, its this that makes me want to trout slap them with the reality of what a truly disappointing anatomy scan is.

They get to pick out something cute for their baby to come home in and the women that have a truly devastating anatomy scan have to pick burial outfits. It just doesn't f.ucking register. My mind can't do it.

Carrie3102 · February 2013

ramy3695:
meimsx:
But prim she wasn't at all devastated. She had a surprising moment of holy crap I didn't realize I wanted a girl but I'm so happy I have a healthy baby boy. She didn't have a preference or so she thought. That's very different and absolutely you have a very hard experience that changes your views and I don't blame you one bit for your perspective. She admited she felt stupid and selfish for the feelings she had. I just have a hard time flaming her for this because she felt remorse while she was disappointed.
She said she cried for an hour because she's having a boy. I hardly consider that a "surprising moment." 

That was what pissed me off. Having a moment of shucks, oh well a happy healthy baby is one thing, crying for over an hour and making your dh feel bad because he's just happy for a healthy baby and you're sad that it isn't a girl is ridiculous.

Was I rough on her? Yeah probably but seriously who the hell worries about that?

sparkymcgeee · February 2013

Carrie3102:
ramy3695:
meimsx:
But prim she wasn't at all devastated. She had a surprising moment of holy crap I didn't realize I wanted a girl but I'm so happy I have a healthy baby boy. She didn't have a preference or so she thought. That's very different and absolutely you have a very hard experience that changes your views and I don't blame you one bit for your perspective. She admited she felt stupid and selfish for the feelings she had. I just have a hard time flaming her for this because she felt remorse while she was disappointed.
She said she cried for an hour because she's having a boy. I hardly consider that a "surprising moment."
That was what pissed me off. Having a moment of shucks, oh well a happy healthy baby is one thing, crying for over an hour and making your dh feel bad because he's just happy for a healthy baby and you're sad that it isn't a girl is ridiculous. Was I rough on her? Yeah probably but seriously who the hell worries about that?

I know. And I totally get what you guys are saying because I've had that devastation too. I just feel like she deserves the benefit of the doubt because she acknowledged she felt ridiculous while crying. She said she knew it was selfish and stupid and was so thankful for her healthy baby. She started her post off with that. She also said she was excited now and is thinking of the nursery. This is so different than the Ally chick. At least this OP got it before she even admitted to the disappointment. I truly don't think Ally got it until we slapped her across the face with it. And we all know that sometimes we can't control the tears right now even if in our heads we know it's a stupid thing to cry about.

Want a personalized experience?

No! You don't need to DD

Re: No! You don't need to DD

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards