ugh i hate drama...

wishingstar10 · February 2013

Ok, so I thought I had escaped the baby shower drama that so many have, but it looks like I too am now a victim...

So some back story, this whole pregnancy thing has been a little "awkward" to talk about about with my mom - she has a history of many miscarriages and was never able to carry a pregnancy to term - thus why everyone in my immediate family is adopted. This will be the first grandchild on both sides of the family, and the first baby to be born in the family in like 10 years.

I have been very gentle and sensitive to her about the whole thing, but I really wanted her to have the option to host the baby shower if she wanted to (my MIL has been hinting to my DH about hosting, but he respectfully declined and asked her to focus her "party planning" on his graduation party from med school since I will be VERY pregnant at that point and probably unable to host something like that alone).

I finally broached the subject with my mom, to which she said that she had been thinking a good time to have a baby shower would be when the family is already all together (we are mostly from Ohio) for my cousin's fiancee's bridal shower in Ohio. So basically her shower would be Saturday and I would have a Sunday brunch shower the next day. My mom said she was gonna feel it out with the family and see what everyone thought.

I don't want to intrude on her (the bride's) weekend, so I don't like the idea very much. It totally excludes all my friends and my DH's family that live here (in Virginia) that would not be able to attend a shower in Ohio.

My mom said it would be easier for family so they wouldn't have to travel AGAIN for my shower and then AGAIN for the wedding (which is in Texas). She said I could have another small shower here at home later for friends and whatever.

*SIGH*. My DH hates the idea and isn't for it, but neither of us really know what to say or do. I am grateful for a shower whenever and wherever it is convenient for those who are throwing it, but I am not a fan of "intruding" on someone else's moment. Do I speak up or just let it work itself out?

chelsmcl · February 2013

I honestly don't think it's a big deal. We have lots of out of town family too so my cousin had her baby shower the day after my wedding. I couldn't attend because we left for our honeymoon that day but it didn't bother me in the slightest that she had it the next day.

Ballet513 · February 2013

Would your MIL still be up for hosting a shower? Maybe you could do what your mom plans and then have a second shower at home for your friends/H's family.

BLT20051 · February 2013

Ballet513:
Would your MIL still be up for hosting a shower? Maybe you could do what your mom plans and then have a second shower at home for your friends/H's family.

This is kinda what we're doing. My family is in IA and his is in OH. I'm having a shower in OH with his family and here in PA with my friends(family will be on Skype). I don't think having it the Sunday is a big deal. We're doing mine Easter weekend because all the family will be in town already. Could you talk to cousin and find out if they'd be upset about it?

wishingstar10 · February 2013

SouthSideDrea:
Why would your family travel for your shower? If it's cool with the bride have a little family shower that your mom can host then have a shower at home that your H's side of the family and friends can attend. Why not shoot the bride a message and let her know what your mom has planned, tell her you want to defer to her since this is her weekend and see what she thinks. I don't think a bridal shower should span a whole weekend and I don't see why she would haev a problem with it. It is easier for the family to already be in one place. Technically speaking neither mom should be throwing your shower, but I know people do it so my opinion on that is rather outdated. This doesn't have to be drama, you can steer this ship away from drama.

My family is very close and very evenly split in Ohio and Virginia and usually has no problem picking up and traveling to whatever is going on in either state for family. I think it is a good idea to run the whole thing by the bride to see how she feels (she is not yet used to my family's intensity and is the only child on her side of the family). The only reason it's the mom's in charge of the parties is because they are the only ones who have offered. I guess my family is very old fashioned so that totally makes sense.

Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
Ballet513:
Would your MIL still be up for hosting a shower? Maybe you could do what your mom plans and then have a second shower at home for your friends/H's family.
This is kinda what we're doing. My family is in IA and his is in OH. I'm having a shower in OH with his family and here in PA with my friends(family will be on Skype). I don't think having it the Sunday is a big deal. We're doing mine Easter weekend because all the family will be in town already. Could you talk to cousin and find out if they'd be upset about it?

I think that would be a perfect solution to have MIL to host the second one, but that is where I think the drama is going to start - MIL isn't a fan of multiple showers and having his&her friend and family showers... Especially since my DH's family only consists of MIL and his sister, both who live here.

flerlgirl · February 2013

FWIW, if I were your cousin, I wouldn't be upset. I'm actually doing a similar thing for a friend of mine who getting married - her sister lives on the other side of the country and is pregnant and will be in town for one weekend in March until the wedding. So the sister's baby shower is Saturday and my friend's wedding shower is on Sunday so her sister can be there. They were both fine with it!

momofcatan · February 2013

My 2 cents: As others have suggested you can have 2 showers, especially if your MIL or a friend are willing to host. I would check with the bride, but I wouldn't think having the showers the same weekend should be a big deal.

To avoid drama, for my bridal shower I let my mom/sister invite whoever they wanted and I only invited 3 friends so I could focus on being social with my family and my mom's friends. I then had a friend throw me a more fun/relaxing shower for just my friends. I actually loved it because the second shower was so much fun without feeling any family pressures, I actually got to enjoy my time with my friends.

ehnasto · February 2013

I really don't think you will be butting into the bride's weekend. For me I viewed bridal showers for me as an afternoon, not a whole weekend. Also since family was already in town we ended up doing something on Sunday anyway, usually to celebrate someone else.

I have a geographically split family as well (my parents live in DC, DH's fam is in SC and we live in GA). Each mom has asked to host a shower for just her relatives, again cutting out my friends. This has made it easier on both moms because she doesn't have to worry about stepping on the other ones toes or insulting someone by accident. I have been told by each mom that she actually prefers stuff this way, not that they don't get along but DH and I come from different planets when it comes to cultural differnences. I had a friend decide that she is throwing me a shower where we live for the very small group of friends we have here. (I didn't really get a choice in that one).

It seems excessive to have a few showers, but sometimes it is more about the person throwing it and their guests than it is about you. I would just let it happen.

kmkaull2 · February 2013

It is nice of you to be considerate of the bride-to-be, but as long as she's ok with it, I think it is fine and makes sense. As a guest, I would rather attend back-to-back showers than have to travel another weekend.

Multiple small showers are fine and even nice as you get an opportunity to visit.

SLaBM2B · February 2013

I haven't read any of the other responses, but here is my suggestion:

Let your mom throw you the shower the same weekend in OH, then, if your MIL is still offering, allow her to throw you another shower closer to home for friends/DH's side of the family.

I am in the same boat as you... our family's live closer, but his family won't drive 1-2 hours away to the place my family is planning on having mine, so his family is throwing me a separate one. It is what it is. I don't really care either way.

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ugh i hate drama...

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