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jennipalmer
member
Does it get better??
jennipalmer
member
I am dealing with lots right now being pregnant my DH is away (he is military) and fighting with EX. Sometimes everything is great we can discuss things like adults but most times he does things off the wall and childish...like no you can't take DD out for dinner on her birthday because it is my year. Her birthday is on Monday this year and he goes to work one hour after she gets out of school. Monday is usually my day but because it is her birthday of course holidays trump normal days. But the fact is he is still at work so why not let our daughter go out to dinner for her birthday. Or no I can't take kids to ultrasound because appoint is 30 minutes prior to our trade off time. But I let kids go to his house on Thanksgiving half the day cause he has family in town and let them go to his house for super bowl Sunday because he was having party. He purposely has is wife contact me even though he knows I don't want contact with her. Plus they are his kids I think he should co parent with me not his wife. We have been seperated for about 4 years and legally divorced for almost 2. So, I was just wonder if it gets better? He seems to push me when something "good" happens in my life even though he is also remarried and has another kid. Sorry for vent DH is away and I am just tired when I get email at 930pm about co parenting stuff from his wife not really co parenting stuff more demands on me.
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Re: Does it get better??
You teach people how to treat you, you have to tell them what you expect. If you are the only one giving and he is just taking, I would stop giving. Just follow the CO and dont give him extra anything. He will quickly realize the next time he wants you to compromise and you won't. Just say no, I'm following the CO from now on.
Why are you being the nice guy when he is obviously not? Quit giving him extra time and hours. If he's sticking to the CO - you do too.
As far as his wife. Don't respond to her emails.
Pick up the phone and call HIM. If she calls, don't answer. If you think your answering his call, and she's there, tell her "Sorry, no offense, but I would like to speak to him directly. Please have him call me when he is available."
If you get an email or a text from his number or his account that you think is her - pick up the phone and call, or text back "X, Please call me on this."
You need to start playing hard ball. THey are pushing you around, and he sounds like a bully. Now is the time while your husband is gone to learn how to stand up for yourself and say "No More!"
If you can do that by yourself, with our your husband physically backing you, then that will say a TON to them and they will start taking you more seriously.
This, especially the last paragraph.
I think it's wonderful that you have been flexible in the past and tried to accommodate BD on Thanksgiving and other things. Unfortunately there are just some people who feel entitled to "extras" and refuse to reciprocate courtesies. So stop. Follow the CO exactly as it is written. Sure it means you might lose out on things and BD will too. But unless and until the flexibility and courtesies are being extended by BOTH parents, there's no reason for you to keep giving.
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Agreed. Don't let them push you around. You don't have to co-parent with his wife. And if he is going to be petty and mean and not go outside the CO, then don't go outside the CO. When he asks, just say "I'm sorry, but no".
This, especially the bolded! And I wouldn't hesitate to let him know when you deny him any "extras" in the future that this is the reason.
With my ex-husband things seemed to get worse when he got a girlfriend and slowly would get better, then worse again... We aren't on great terms, but I limit the amount of contact I have with him and we stick to our schedule. I avoid giving him too much information that is really none of his business (like if I were going to an ultrasound appoiontment), as long as he got the kid when he was supposed to, what you do before that isn't his concern.
I would say if you have a CO, stick to it and if they are making demands outside of the court order, have them refer to that piece of paper, if what they are asking of you is unreasonable. Even though my ex and I don't like each other, there are times when we have to compromise and ask for a switch up. Neither of us demand it, we ask and if we can do it, we do, if not, then oh well... I have learned to bite my tounge on a lot of occasions to avoid a bigger fight.