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C-sections
jennikarle
member
still in shock
jennikarle
member
in C-sections
After 60 hours of labor I finally had to have a non emergency c-section with my son. At this point I was practically begging for it and I don't regret that I had one, but with that being said I feel like I never really had a baby. I was so drugged up at that point, so exhausted, and of course you don't see your baby come out with a c-section so there is just this huge disconnect. Like it happened so fast and confusingly that I never got a chance to deal with it. Plus they cut my bladder during the surgery making my recovery even more of a blurry mess. Just wondering if anyone has had a good way of getting passed all that. My son is only two weeks old. I suppose I'm just still hormonally imbalanced.
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Re: still in shock
I had a c-section with my daughter who just turned three, the recovery was hard for me but everyones different. But i know what you mean by the disconnect because you dont really know whats going on during your birthing experience. What I can say though is that there is no difference in a natural birth experience or c-secion delievery when it comes to the connection between you and your child. My daughter and I are very close and shes my shadow constantly.
Just enjoy this time, midnight feeding may seem hard but that, to me, is when everything seems right with the world. Just you and your baby.
I had a 50+ hour labor that ended in a c-section. I was drugged up and exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and it took me awhile to really feel connected to DS. We also ended up staying an extra week at the hospital because they said DS had pneumonia. I found that the best thing for me was to talk about it - talk about the things that frustrated me (like, it happened so fast and I felt like I missed it), talk about stress as a new mom, talk about whatever. I talked mostly to people who didn't really know me, like the chaplain at the hospital. It also helped when I eventually wrote it all out.
I also stopped watching shows about childbirth (A Baby Story, etc), which I watched all.the.time before I gave birth. They just reminded me of what I wanted to happen vs. what happened, and it wasn't emotionally healthy for me to watch them.
And I don't know your specific circumstances, but when I realized that without a c-section, DS and I could have died, I was able to accept it more easily. DS just wasn't going to come out on his own, and a c-section was the best option for us.
Women usually have an ideal vision of how their births will go, and when the births don't follow that plan, it can be very disappointing. I feel it's normal to grieve what you feel you missed. But, like a PP said, try to focus on the positives that both you and DS are healthy and fine.
I had both a vaginal birth and c-section, and never got to do that immediate skin to skin bonding with either one. With my vaginal, there was a complication with the cord breaking away from the placenta during the afterbirth, and I was wheeled away immediately and put under general anesthesia for an emergency D&C to stop the insane amount of bleeding. I barely got to see DD, and had to depend on DH that we actually had the right baby since I had no recollection of what she had even looked like after that whole ordeal. For me, the c-section provided more of a normal experience than the vaginal!
My kids are now 12 and 14, and love me to the ends of the world....even the teenager! Their different births weren't what I planned, but it does fade away into distant memory with time. I've only been thinking more about it since we have this surprise baby joining our family in May. GL!
**DD1 - 7/9/98**
**DS - 11/9/00**
**DD2 - 4/30/13**
What you're feeling is normal. I went into my labor wanting a drug-free, vaginal birth. I was dealing well enough with the contractions, but we decided to break my water because the doctors were changing shifts and the new doctor would not be patient with waiting. Well I could not handle the sudden change after they broke my water so I got the drugs. Then my son's heartbeat would drop during contractions. The new doc wanted a c-section. My husband and I held him off. The nurses and I found a method that kept the heartrate up and I was able to push him mostly down. I started getting tired and the doc wanted to use foreceps. We said no and I kept pushing. I got him to the point so I could see the top of his head, but no further. The doctor felt around and got nervous that he couldn't feel my son's shoulders. We started to reconsider the forceps, but the doctor refused this time. So it was time for the c-section. Since my son was so far down the birth canal, they had to push him back. I felt like a battering ram as they were doing it. I just kept repeating "please be okay, please be okay." He was okay. He's wonderful.
My recovery wasn't the best and I didn't get to hold him right away. I'm pregnant again and feel that I will most likely need another c-section. I'm mostly okay with that, but I want more than two kids and am concerned about my safety. Also I want to BF and hope that it is as easy with planned c-sections. I'm sad that I can't have another go at the contractions. Its hard to remember why I thought they were so painful (I know that sounds crazy). I don't understand how I could see his head, but he couldn't come out. Why wasn't his head mishapen? So many questions.
Ultimately, we are both healthy and that is what matters. My son loved me and needed me very early on and he is still that way now. You will grow that connection. And eventually it will overtake the regrets. I agree with pp about not watching baby shows. Also I try to stop listening to the people who insist that c-sections are unnecessary. We took a natural birthing class and her comments haunt me. "No baby is too big, etc." I believe that my doctor did what he thought was best for me and the baby. We are both healthy. I was able to breastfeed and bond. He loves me and I love him.
Sorry I just rambled about my own experience when you asked for advice. I guess don't watch the shows, don't listen to haters, and go with you mothering instincts. You have them and you will be great at reading your babies ques. That probably helped me the most. Whatever the birthing method, I'm a great mother. You are too.
Our Bucco
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I had planned an out of hospital natural birth with DS and it ended in an ECS. For me, it was disappointing but it was easier for me to move forward knowing that it was an emergency and we wouldn't have survived without it. Also, I was told the next day that I was a good candidate for a VBAC and that helped me.
Something that I have talked with other c/s mamas that we realized helped: A LOT of people will say "well both you and baby are healthy and that's what matters!" What they are really saying is that you are both PHYSICALLY healthy. And that is PART of what matters. Your mental health should matter too! So, learn to shrug those people off (or even tell them this, so they don't make the mistake again) but your mental well-being is valid and important. As pp said, talk about it a lot. Find supportive people to validate your feelings and the fact that you have a right to be disappointed. With that, the feelings will fade (and with time). Good luck!
I completely understand the feeling. I had an emergency c-section with my son, and I actually was under general anesthesia for the procedure, and have very little memory of the 10 minutes leading up to the surgery. My BP had bottomed out from a bad reaction to the epidural, and DS's heartrate dropped as a result.
It took me a full 48 hours to process that I HAD him, much less start forming an attachment. I didn't see him, hear him or even know he was born until almost 3 hours after the fact.
4.5 months later, he is the absolute light of my life and I can't imagine my life without him. It's a process to get there, but I'm sure the feelings will come for you in time. Try and be patient, and surround yourself with supportive people.
It's okay to be unhappy with how he was born but still be thrilled to have a baby!
I had an unplanned c-section with my first son. It took me about a year to really deal with it and not be as upset about what happened (he was also unexpectedly hospitalized after he was born, so that colored how I viewed my c/s a lot). I planned and had a VBAC with my second son, and going through that experience helped me come to peace with my c/s.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)