Bedrest blahs (long, sorry)

I was put on bed rest a week ago. Who knew it would be this difficult to be given a doctor's "go ahead" to stop working and chill out?? First of all, I feel guilty because I am skeptical the bed rest is really necessary. I slipped and fell on my snowy driveway while leaving for work last Friday morning. Even though my wrists and knees took the brunt of the fall, my stomach did kind of hit the asphalt. I felt okay and headed to work anyway, but turned around halfway there because my conscience was telling me I should go and get checked out just for peace of mind. I thought it could just be a quick "look" and I'd be sent on my way, but my OB's office, per protocol, sent me to L&D for a required FOUR HOURS of fetal monitoring. Everything was fine with the babies as I suspected, but the NST showed I was having lots of contractions (about every five minutes) plus I was dilated to 1cm. (I don't think any of that was related to the fall, but just coincidental that they discovered it.) So the dr. recommended I go on bed rest for a week "just to be on the safe side" with a follow-up in one week.

My stubborn self went in to work for half a day on Monday anyway to deal with some urgent situations that only I had the ability to deal with. I told my boss I would more than likely be back to work on Friday (today).  I tried to take it easy the last couple of days, but still have been doing a fair amount of cleaning, straightening, nesting, etc. I went back for my follow-up yesterday and was able to get no answers whatsoever. I had a repeat NST and all seemed fine. They didn't repeat a dilation check. In fact, I didn't even end up seeing a dr. The people I did see didn't even have the records that I had been to L&D or put on bed rest in the first place. When I asked about bed rest status,they told me to come back again in another week to see the dr., who could then reassess whether I needed to remain on bed rest!! In the meantime, they told me to stay on bed rest for another week.

So, I guess part of the issue is that I question how necessary this bed rest really is. Granted, I feel very physically uncomfortable and exhausted...but I hate that I am using up my leave when I could potentially continue to power through this. I kinda like getting a "free pass" but at the same time I feel very guilty. I try to tell myself it is good for the babies to take it easy, but then I feel bad that I am potentially taking time away that I could be spending wit them later. 

I have never had this much time off from work or school for the past 17 years or so (!), so it feels really weird to have all this free time. DH is working of course, plus he has another commitment that is kinda like a second job that keeps him gone until about 10pm every night and all day on weekends. So I am all alone, all day long, just me and my thoughts! Plus I've felt too embarassed to even tell people I'm on bed rest so only a few friends and coworkers even know. I've actually started getting kind of depressed and have had a few crying spells. I'm not entirely sure what they are about, because I'm excited about the babies getting here. I guess I just feel guilty, lazy, weak, fat, sloppy and useless. I really had visions of working right up until I went into labor. I have a high profile job with a lot of responsibilities and, even though I've made some alternative arrangements, a lot of people are affected by me not being there. I am technically not due until March 22, although I more than likely will go much much sooner, if not any day now. I could potentially end up with a really long bed rest, or end up going back to work and feeling miserable.

I broke down sobbing to DH last night because I felt so down (at least I got a pity foot rub out of it). I have spent the entire day in bed today stalking the internet boards and watching the Weather Channel (who am I, my grandfather??) I never even bothered to brush my teeth today. Why can't I just relax and enjoy the time off????

OK, vent/pity party over. (sigh) Sorry this was so long but obviously I don't have a lot else to do right now.

P.S. After posting this, I realized the website automatically underlined the phrase "slipped and fell" in my first paragraph. This apparently leads to a link advertising a personal injury lawyer. WTH?? Didn't realize my posts would be fodder for advertisements.