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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
I want to be sleeping in my bed
Since we brought DD home, I've been sleeping on the couch while she sleeps in the bouncer or pack n play. I found it easier since I could keep a lamp on to see DD, keeping her from waking DS and DH when she wakes up crying, access to the kitchen if needed, etc. Now she's 1 month old and we have 1 to 2 feedings between 10 pm and 6 am. I really want to start sleeping in my bed again but DD has a hard time sleeping in her crib and I feel badly when her crying keeps DH awake since he has to work. I did the same thing with DS when we brought him home and I'm just having a hard time with not feeling normal. I am more venting than asking advice, but where are you doing late night feedings? How do you sleep in your own bed? I just wonder how others have done this part since my only experience is sleeping on the couch for a few months?
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Re: I want to be sleeping in my bed
Yup, yup, and yup.
My DH and I carry LO out of the room for late night feedings to allow the other to sleep. After the feeding the in the living room, we head back to bed.
Yup. We have one feeding around 2 or 3 and DH helps me. He changes her and feeds her a bottle that I pumped at midnight while I pump again. DD sleeps in a RnP on my side of the bed. DH may be working but he is my partner even at night.
He spends a few nights in the basement, and a few in bed. He deals with me turning the lights on. Sure it messes with his sleep, but it gives me some more and besides we did both make this baby.
BFP #1 05/03/12 DD: 12/18/12
BFP #2 05/26/14 MMC: 6/26/14 D&C: 7/18/14
BFP #3 10/09/14 MC 10/24/14
That being said, DD has gotten better about her schedule and realizing night time = sleeping time. She now sleeps in her crib in her room and we leave her door and our door open. When I hear her I get up, change her, feed her (BF) and then put her in the swing (we have one in her room) and she sleeps for another 5+ hours while I go back to bed.
Do what works for your family!! Since you've done this before you know that sleeping on the couch is not something that will last forever but for now if it works for you and your family, then don't feel bad or ashamed about it!
""No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."
"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered "Life will never be the same." Because there had never been anyone like you... ever in the world." ~ Nancy Tillman
Here, I edited your post for the helpful part.
It's great that you don't resent your husband and think that sleep is the solution to a perfect marriage, but that's a pretty big/odd generalization to me. Most women aren't heros who can do everything alone, martyring themselves so their wittle hubbies don't get so sweepy! Maybe I just got a crap kid, but I needed my partner to be just that. My partner. Not just from 5pm-8pm, but at 3am too. Even though I could "sleep when the baby sleeps," the middle of the night was not any less hard. When I was going through that period of up every 45 minutes with a colicky baby who wouldn;t latch, I needed him to hug me and run my back. I'm not ashamed to say it. And funny thing, we bonded most over those 4am marathon cryfests.
Besides that, OP is in those beginning stages of being resentful. SHE WANTS TO SLEEP IN HER BED!! SHE SAID IT!!
So OP, hon, remember like PPs said that he signed up to be a daddy, too. If you need him next to you, that's where you need to be. Don't feel bad about the baby crying. That's what they do. He should know that by now. Yes, he'll be tired. He might even complain. But, the term "marital bed" is that for a reason. It's not "marital bed and couch."
Sleep with your baby in your bed that way no one has to get up. Babies grow in us are attatched to us and instant seperation at night after birth is too much for some and probably most. I cant sleep without my baby next to me. Try it. Worried about rolling on her? You wont with your arm around her. Try towels rolled up or pillows on either side. As long as you are near and baby can smell you life will be better. Now go sleeeeeeeppp (with your baby).
I'm sorry your having a rough time. I think you should try sleeping in your room with the bouncer and see how your husband handles it. Figure out what works best for your family, if your husband is a heavy sleeper, he might be able to sleep through some crying.
My husband went back to work this week after 5 weeks paternity leave. I suggested he sleep in the guest room the night before going back so he could get a full nights sleep. Since then he's been back in our room. We both go to sleep really early (8pm), so even if the baby wakes him up at night, he still gets plenty of sleep. One of the benefits of him having so much time off is that he says he now gets that staying at home with a baby is work, not a vacation. The longest nap I had this week was one hour long nap, so I'm not able to get any more rest than him. And in a few weeks I'll go back to work and have to deal with night time feelings and a job. We both have to make some sacrifices.
Let me just clarify, DH didn't ask me to sleep on the couch and has offered to sleep on the couch instead. I preferred it because of access to TV and kitchen. I do hesitate a little going back into the bedroom because I don't want to disturb his sleep too much because he has to get up and go to work, I don't.
That being said, I rarely get to sleep during the day because my DS's sleep schedule and DD's sleep schedule are almost opposite, but when they do overlap, I sleep. I just miss my bed and it's more DD's transition and my inability to have a little light to see her from my bed that's keeping me on the couch.
And without the TV to keep me awake, I fall asleep sitting up nursing DD...man does that put a kink in your neck!
Edited to add: Now that I am back at work we split MOTN feedings. OP if you need your DH to be up with you and offering support during the wee hours, do not feel bad about that. He needs to support you when you need it.
I have slept in my bed since coming home from the hospital-it's my bed! I think you deserve to be in your bed. You might be surprised what your DH can sleep through. LO sleeps in a travel PnP next to our bed, and we keep a nightlight on so I can see to feed and change her. I EBF, so there's no reason for him to get up when I'm up anyways, so I try not to wake him. I keep all the diaper supplies on a blanket box at the end of our bed. If she's really fussy I snuggle her in our bed for a while. DH wakes occasionally, but not often. He's a pilot though, so if its a really early shift and he NEEDS sleep, he goes to the guest room for the night. If I had to turn on the lights or get out of bed,I'd never get back to sleep. I like that my feet don't even touch the floor with this arrangement.